R. Kelly: Diet Doctor
Injecting your body with urine containing HGC will reportedly melt the pounds right off, according to the brave, funky-scented souls who've tried it. (Boston Channel)

The Bigger the Cushion ...
Until that extra cushion causes you to die before your time despite your otherwise-good health. (CNN)

Can't Get You Out of My Head
The worst part of cremation? The total lack of fear in your family's eyes. The solution: an urn that looks like your severed head. (Geekologie)

Move Over, Sex Addiction, Hos Got a New Defense
Can't keep your privates private? Blame Mom and Dad for passing on their slut gene. (The Frisky)

A Dose of Reality
For all those kids trying to get high by i-Dosing: It doesn't work, but at least you've got looking cool covered! (Time)

(Photos: Getty)

Eat, Pay, Shill
Julia Roberts gets paid $1.5 million to do the one thing most of us do all morning, but don't get paid nearly as much to do: sit there, drink our coffee and basically do nothing. (PopEater)

Tiny Waist Almost As Career Ruinous As Tyra
Scandal! Outrage! An incredibly thin girl who will never work again has been crowned "America's Next Top Model." (OK!)

Middle-Aged Criminal Looking for Love
Winona Ryder, no stranger to bagging things on a whim, told reporters of her next quest: "I gotta bag me a husband." (Us Weekly)

Hot for Teacher
We would have paid much more attention (and passed more tests) in high school if we were being quizzed on penis trivia. (Gawker)

Hearty for the Party

Are you a full-figured female who likes to get drunk, fight and, um et cetera? VH1, purveyors of reality TV excellence, want to grease you up and film it for a totally non-exploitative new show. (Jezebel)