Lemondrop

The sex between them was like "a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect."

Mmmmm, are you turned on yet? No? What about a comparison of a nipple to "the nose of the loveliest nocturnal animal, sniffing in the night"? Still nothing?

Those two quotes were among the many that won author Rowan Somerville the Bad Sex in Fiction award this year for his novel "The Shape of Her."

This year Somerville beat out Jonathan Franzen, Alastair Campbell and several others to win this not-so-coveted prize, awarded by the U.K.'s Literary Review. Since 1993, they've been scanning novels (only the ones that are expressly non-pornographic -- sorry, career smut-writers) in search of "the crude, tasteless and often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in contemporary novels."

Somerville was presented with his award during a special ceremony in London, and just like any bad sex writer, he had a good sense of humor about himself. "There is nothing more English than bad sex," he said. "So on behalf of the entire nation I would like to thank you."

If you're like us and the bad sex makes you want to read "The Shape of Her" more, you can buy it today. What a perfect stocking stuffer for your parents!