Lemondrop

Over at TheFrisky, Amelia recently probed the very-2010 phenomenon of the Two-Night Stand: You know, when a gentleman caller contacts you for a second hang-out or hook-up and then disappears forever, like the middle daughter on "Family Matters."

Amelia wondered why a guy would arrange for a follow-up if there's something -- bad sex, weird nipples, etc. -- precluding a third rendezvous. (I wondered why a guy would want to bang down twice, when the song clearly indicates three times a lady.)

Sometimes, for me, two times is as long as it takes to realize that I really hate a guy. Or that he's gay, gay, gay. But in the end, it doesn't matter what I think, because I have fallopian tubes. We wanted to know what's behind the Two-Night Stand, from the minds of the very men who are two-night-standing us.

I decided to ask a couple guy friends, and asked them to ask their friends and their friends' friends. The response was overwhelming, and the results were ... enlightening. Read on, two-date dumpees, read on.

"Sometimes, sex the first time is good but probably not as 'all encompassing' as the guy would like. The second night, he can test some boundaries. Maybe she'll let me try the no-no zone. Oh my God, she's into it! Awesome. Too bad it freaked me out and I'll never call again." -- Chris, journalist

"It means 'I thought you were pretty cool, but after our second hang, I met the girl of my dreams and didn't know you well enough to give you an honest explanation. Whoops! And sorry!'" -- Stephen, artist

"It's like this: we have to find you and hunt you down and get you home. Keeping you around or calling you again saves us from having to go out and find another girl to do the same sh** to the next day." -- Edward, programmer/a**hole

"I don't know, Julieanne, why didn't YOU call me back after two dates?" -- Ben, bitter type

"I would imagine a man might 'two-night stand' because he likes sleeping with that person, but doesn't like them as a person that much. Also, you don't have any better plans for that second day." -- Anthony, Italian

"Sometimes a guy really likes a woman, but she's so bad the first time that he gives her a second shot. And sometimes he knows after the first night it isn't going to work. However, she's cool enough to be his 'pretend girlfriend' for the weekend. It's nice to vacation from stressful single life with a comforting monogamy weekend." -- Ryan, writer

"I have a two-date attention span. It goes nicely with my two-hook-up attention span. Then, it is time to move on." -- Dev, paralegal

"Often, you call again because you don't want to be 'that guy' even though you're not interested, because you're nice. You know it's a mistake and now you are annoyed at yourself because you should have known better and it was premeditated. You resolve to 'nip this one in the bud' and so, like the real man you are, you tell it to her straight, err, I mean, never call again." -- Stuart, equity market trader

"A lot of times, you go to her place and she has a nicer apartment than you have and no roommate and no crazy neighbors who play salsa music all morning at deafening levels and her sheets are clean and she has a Jack Russell terrier puppy and you love dogs, but your landlord won't allow dogs and she's a cute girl after all who is willing to touch your penis for another day. As for not calling again -- what are we, getting married? Jeez ..." -- Jordan, blogger

"Why did we call you for sex on Friday and on Saturday if we're never going to call again? Uh, I don't usually sober up till Monday morning." -- Eric, bookmonger

"I think the under-riding question might not be the specific number (two), but rather how the technique of dismissal relates to the number of trysts. A short, two-night relationship that needs to end can be ended via stonewall, an uncompromising lack of any further communication. A stonewall after a one night stand is standard procedure. A stonewall after two hangs might not be nice, but it's nicer than the stonewall after 6 months of dating. I mean, that's practically psychotic." -- Patrick, student.

"Spending a warm weekend sharing lo-mein and talking about my sister with Asperger's shouldn't have to mean anything other than that it felt good at the moment. Here's the difference between men and women -- we think in the moment. 'Does this feel good?' 'Is it fun?' Until the answer is no, we will keep doing it, regardless of the message we're sending you. We're chimps, for Christ's sake." -- Don, financier

"This is almost impossible, but is it possible to lose a number these days?" -- Tom, delusional