Lemondrop

Differences of opinion are what make this country great, so we here at Lemondrop would like to address TheFrisky's recent post about the ten most inappropriate places to flirt.

We understand that The Frisky is trying to keep men and women from making social faux pas, and we respect that, but we categorically disagree with taking any dating arena off the table in today's wintry romantic climate. So, today we present our counterpoints to why the 10 places named by TheFrisky are actually the best places to flirt.

A Hospital Waiting Room
TheFrisky thinks this environment is too anxiety-ridden for proper flirting, but what a hospital waiting room is actually full of is vulnerability. It can take months to get someone to open up about their fear of mortality, their family health issues, or their STIs, but a hospital waiting room cuts right to the chase. Possible pick-up line: "Makes you think about how precious life really is, huh? It'd be a shame to not act when you see something you want."

The Gym
People are feeling too sweaty and exhausted to be hit on, TheFrisky says. Au contraire, we say. There are endorphins and electrolytes running rampant in a gym, and those things make people especially susceptible to flattery. It's science. Possible pick-up line: "I've watched a lot of people run, but I've never seen anyone run as gracefully as you. Wanna get a protein smoothie and I can mop your brow?"

A Funeral
Tacky? Sure, maybe a bit, but that doesn't mean that the dates aren't ripe for the picking. People are dressed nicely, you can go ahead and get meeting the parents out of the way, and everyone wants a distraction from the cold, sober eventuality of death. Possible pick-up line: "Like that old proverb says, 'Every end is a new beginning,' and I don't think that's ever been as true as it is today. Hi, I'm ______."

A Job Interview
TheFrisky is worried about you missing an opportunity to make money with your romantic inclinations, but let's face it: you weren't going to get that job anyway. They probably have already promoted someone from the inside and just have to interview outside candidates as a formality. If your unemployment benefits will continue for another few months, hit on that H.R. hottie as hard as you can. Possible pick-up line: "Interestingly, some of my best skills are ones that can't really be listed on that resume there in your hand, but I'd be happy to show you my ... qualifications."

In the Underwear Section of a Department Store
TheFrisky thinks that flirting amongst unmentionables is a mistake, and that's probably true. But more because no one buys underwear at a department store, home of a million Playtex bras in sizes that don't pertain to you and make you feel like wearing them would confirm your status as a Crazy Cat Lady. There is no sexiness to be found in a department store. But if you must ... Possible pick-up line: "How about these enormous Halloween-themed sleep shirts? I bet we could both fit in one of them. Wanna see?"

In Line for the Bathroom
Sure, you're probably there to relieve yourself and not in a flirtatious mood, but we've been known to wait in line for a bathroom at parties when we're just tired of the current conversation and need an out. Plus, people are bored in lines and therefore looking to be entertained. Also: captive audience! Possible pick-up line: "OK, if you had to pick one person at this party who might be a serial killer, who would it be and why? Maybe after this we can get a drink and go investigate?"

Your Therapy Appointment
TheFrisky thinks that meeting someone in your therapist's office waiting room is only going to cause problems, but think of the bright side -- you know the person you're interested in is flawed like you. You also know that he's interested in improving himself, and if stuff gets heavy, you can use your own sessions as an opportunity to dig for information about your beloved. Confidentiality, schmonfidentiality! Possible pick-up line: "Looks like you had a rough session today. They always seem to end just a few minutes too soon. Want someone to talk to, free of charge?"

A Parent-Teacher Conference
Sure, it might be embarrassing for your child to see you to hit on his teacher in front of him, but isn't that what "private talks about some behavior concerns" are for? And how refreshing would it be not to have to figure out how to tell a date that you're a parent! Possible pick-up line: "Listen, I'm sure Bobby's doing fine, but I'm the one who really needs some extra help in certain subjects ... and maybe some discipline?"

On a Date With Someone Else
Quick story: It wasn't my proudest moment, but in high school I went to the prom with one guy and left with another. I was dating the first guy when he asked me, and we'd broken up by the time prom rolled around, but my mother made me go with him anyway. It was a miserable night until I spotted Ryan, who had dyed his hair blue to match his tux. Life is short. It's much better to regret something you have done than something you haven't done. Plus think about how romantic and dramatic of a story that'll be later. Possible pick-up line: "I have to be honest with you -- I'm on a date with someone else tonight, but I can't stop thinking about your face and how miserable I'd be if I didn't take the chance to tell you that I'm going to dream about you." (Then slip your number.)

At Work
TheFrisky thinks at-work flirting is always inappropriate, but when else are you supposed to use double entendres about office supplies? At home? Most people don't have copiers at home. Work is the place you spend at least eight hours of your day five days a week, so it makes sense that it would be prime flirting ground, and if done skillfully, no one has to attend seminars on appropriate workplace boundaries. Possible pick-up line: "Do you have my hole puncher? Because you've punched one right through my heart. What do you say we get some lunch and talk about anything other than our terrible boss?"

Just our pair of pennies, team. But, obviously, flirt at your own risk.


Emily V. Gordon was a couples and family therapist and is now a freelance writer and Lemondrop contributor. She lives in Los Angeles, where she flirts with her husband all over creation.