Lemondrop

When I first heard the term "P90x" floating around, I was unsure if it was a new porn site or the long lost brother of C-3PO.

Then one night in July, I was at my friend's house at the Jersey shore. My girlfriends went out one night when I opted to lay on the sofa. (I was too hung over from the night before. I'm getting to that age where I can no longer shrug off the symptoms following an evening of too many frozen cocktails called "Blackout Punch.")

So, like a responsible adult, I decided to stay in and eat pretzels from an economy-size tub and watch infomercials. Our beach house only got 12 channels, three of which repeatedly played the P90x infomercial.

After viewing number four and being hypnotized by creator Tony Horton telling me I "WILL GET RIPPED IN 90 DAYS!" I picked up the phone and placed my order.

Here's what happened ...

I live in New York City, and right now I can't afford a gym membership. I used to run outside but my current neighborhood doesn't provide the nicest jogging paths. (I know. Excuses, excuses ...) I own weights but don't have the discipline to keep up with a regular weightlifting routine. I became one of those people who gets her exercise by "taking the stairs" and "walking my dog." I looked OK, but wanted to get, as Tony said, RIPPED.

The P90x workout program is designed to work using "muscle confusion," aka high-intensity cross-training. The thought is that by working out different muscle groups every day, you avoid plateaus. What you get is 12 DVDs offering you a variety of workouts, including cardio, strength training, yoga and more. You also get a nutritional guide with menu plans based on your weight and caloric needs. All you need to get started is some dumbbells or an exercise band, a yoga mat and three easy payments of $39.95 plus $19.95 shipping and handling.

You start with a physical test to help you determine your level of fitness. Depending on your fitness goals, you then choose one of the following programs to follow for 90 days: classic, doubles or lean. Classic is the basic workout; doubles is for the more athletic; and lean is for those who want to focus more on -- you guessed it -- getting lean. I opted for lean not only because I want to get lean, but also because it was the only workout choice for someone who can't afford a chin-up bar. (Who has a chin-up bar?)

The First Six Weeks
The first three weeks were fantastic. I would actually wake up excited to work out. I felt strong as I held a wall squat for 60 seconds, my legs quivering from such EXTREME fitness! I felt great as I punched, kicked and jabbed my way through the Kenpo Karate DVD. And I happily grunted as I pushed myself to complete the Ab Ripper workout.

Then around week five, I started to get bored. There's a reason I loved going to the gym: because I love being around other people. For me, working out in a group environment motivates me; I feed off of other people's energy. At home, alone, working out with two-dimensional TV friends, I started to lose steam. Also, while the workout order would change, the workouts themselves were starting to get too repetitive. I like variety, and simply changing things up by doing Cardio X on Tuesday instead of Friday didn't cut it.

Tony is great. He's really likable, knowledgeable and in fantastic shape. But after spending every day working out with him, or anyone for that matter, I wanted to hurl my 5-pound weight at the screen. He's so enthusiastic! In one video he does this Groucho walk exercise while pretending to smoke a cigar; it's cute (the first time), but not when I'm about to expel my egg whites.

The Next Six Weeks
And speaking of egg whites, I couldn't actually stick to the diet plan. It wasn't that it was super-difficult; P90x actually suggests a very reasonable, healthy diet plan, and it's somewhat similar to my regular diet: balanced and full of whole foods. However, the one serving of carbs per day during the initial two-week "Fat Shredder" phase wasn't going to happen for me. I'm lactose intolerant, so I can't eat a ton of dairy. I don't eat much meat, so without carbs, I'm left with vegetables and beans. I'll eat vegetables and beans, but if I eat them all day, no one -- especially my butt -- is going to be happy.

By week seven I was "forgetting" to do my P90x. My day would just get "soooooo crazy" that I'd miss my workouts. By week eight I decided my neighborhood was totally cool for jogging. At week nine my boyfriend got his personal training certification which means I can work out with him at his studio for free (YES!), which also means I put the P90x back in the box and sent it in for my full refund.

Conclusion?
Should you buy the P90x? Yes -- if you enjoy working out at home and don't get bored easily with repetition. It's an economical and convenient option, as opposed to joining a gym. And it's effective. In just the first few weeks, I felt stronger and looked leaner. (I'm sure I would have looked even leaner if my summer hadn't been filled with sangria and endless barbecues.) If you think you can stick with the diet and workout, then go for it.

Bottom line? You should not buy the P90x if you're like me: a person who gets distracted by shiny objects and likes to be out of her tiny apartment and around human beings.

I was happy with the P90x; I just lost interest too soon. I'm sure that if had I stuck with the full 90 days of diet and working out, I'd be much more RIPPED! But I'll settle for a healthy gal who enjoys her pizza and wine.


Giulia Rozzi is a New York City–based comedian, actress and writer who loves pizza and is currently at work on a memoir.