Gross! And awesome!Oh, good. We weren't sure exactly how we were going to gain those 10 holiday pounds this year, and we hate uncertainty. It's a good thing we found out about the pumpple cake.

Despite its suggestive-sounding name, the pumpple cake will not give you lip sores, just a wicked case of the night bloats. Each slice packs 1,800 calories, (although, to be fair, you're supposed to share it with three other people). At the same time, who shares a slice of cake with anyone? We prefer wielding a steak knife and guarding ours suspiciously.

The pumpple cake is pumpkin pie and apple pie baked into chocolate and vanilla cake, respectively. The whole thing is then stuck together with a metric butt-ton of buttercream frosting. You know, because when you're eating pies baked into cake you gotta have some buttercream.

The pumpple cake is made by the Flying Monkey Patisserie in Philadelphia, and although we've never tried their pumpple cake, we can tell you their pecan bars and brownies are freakin' amazing. If you live in the area you can order a pumpple cake with 72 hours' advance notice, but be warned: The whole thing weighs 15 pounds and will make you feel very guilty the next day. We do, however, advise you to try the more sensible version: apple pie cake. You're welcome.