Striking a major blow to those of you who think Matthew McConaughey films lack realism, researchers at Syracuse University are here to argue that falling stupid, stupid in love is not a social construct and is, indeed, a real biological phenomenon.But before you declare victory over cynics, be warned -- these are scientists, so we're talking about love as a series of chemical processes in the brain. YAY, ROMANCE!
Just as you can identify emotions like anger or happiness by figuring out how they correspond to brain function, Dr. Stephanie Ortigue and her crew have been running scans on the brains and bodies of people who claim to be smitten, and they've found some amazing things.
First, you know all those books where people fall in love slowly, like, when they're in an arranged marriage or they're both servants at the same dreary English manor? False! Researchers found that the brain process we think of as "falling in love" takes about one-fifth of a second (which explains why we fell for that guy who didn't believe the moon landing happened).
Second, being in love takes the effort of 12 different areas of your brain working in tandem. So, while you're imagining you and your paramour making out in a hot-air balloon, your brain is working overtime to release good-time chemicals like dopamine and adrenaline, changing how you think about other people and your own body image. It can even cause a nervous sensation in your stomach. (Butterflies, yo!)
The researchers are excited about all the implications for therapists working with couples who have fallen out of love, or with a just-dumped patient who can't get over it, but we're cringing as we imagine the day that couples shoot each other up with syringes full of liquid love in order to keep from having that same argument about whether forks should go tine-side up or down in the dishwasher.
Then again, we've always been a little cynical.
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Thursday 28 October
By Polk Salad Annie
Sorta like when you smoke crack?
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Wednesday 27 October
By zap
U Spelled The L Word Wrong, its LUST. Love Is After The Lust Is Gone. Or Is That Hate.
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Wednesday 27 October
By jules
Zap, I totally agree, since no scientist, or for matter most people know the minute that lust might change to love. It is one thing to think you are in love, when in reality you merely lust for that person. Love does take time, hence the large number of divorces. The emotion many think is love often fails within a few months or years, which means there is usually nothing more behind it than phsycial attraction which is not love but rather the chemical reaction called lust.
Wednesday 27 October
By Abraxus
You can't scientifically analyse love, and the people that volunteered for their group probably don't meet all the social spheres of life either - they're probably all students looking to earn some cash, or those people who like to think they are in love constantly and clearly have some kind of weird brain fart that these researchers have picked up on and think explains it all. I knew instantly I really liked my then future husband, but I didn't fall in love with him (the heart stopping kind) until a while later as we WERE friends first. For some people being best friends comes first, and then those hormones suddenly go racing and you realize you want to have sex with the person (this is not love as you said, it's physical love) - then at some point before or after this you realize this is the person you want to share everything with in your life and there is the abiding love you can live with all your life. Too many people skip straight to the sex part and only then realize the "lust" they feel isn't love at all!
Wednesday 27 October
By undrgrndgirl
depends, i suppose :)
Wednesday 27 October
By Pamela
I have a couple of girlfriends that are literally in love with being in love! They've had so many boyfriends, been engaged several times and one has been married four times! Why do people behave like that, or is this something we "can't" help?? My experience with love was more forthcoming.. I met a nice guy, we dated for a while. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. He gave me a ring. We planned a wedding, then got married after a rather long engagement... But, throughout all of those 6 years, waiting to marry my love, not once did my love faulter for him!!
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Wednesday 27 October
By VTV
The reason they act like that is they associate "love" with that initial high that people call the "honeymoon phase" and after it fades they start to doubt their relationship. In many cases people impulsively get into relationships wherein they kind of lie to themselves about their real compatibility with their partner, they lie about themselves pretending to be more compatible then they are, and their partners do the same. The illusion wears off after a while.
This generally happens for two reasons. Either they are sexually attracted to someone and want to project the "perfect match" onto them regardless of evidence to the contrary, or they are simply afraid to be alone. So they pretend they are more compatible for that brief sensation of security. These relationships usually end in a relationship where you feel alone even though your not.
All of this is stupid. As I have made all of these mistakes and what almost always universally happens is when I am in these false relationships I meet people who are actually compatible with me and cannot act on it.
We all need to learn to be more honest, particularly with ourselves. My last marriage was a total failure. I saw the warning signs in the begining but I ignored them because I was attracted to her, and also largely because she intentionally misrepresented who she was as well.
Wednesday 27 October
By jst4gp
Now they ought to write a story on how long it takes to fall out of love and list a few good reasons why. I'd be happy to consult with them on that story. LOL
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Wednesday 27 October
By Joyce
I have been in love and lust with my husband since the second we met, he came home on leave from the Viet-Nam war and was in his uniform when i met him and was in love before i new his name, we new each other for two weeks and he asked me to marry him , he went back to Viet-Nam for a year that i didn't even see him we got married two weeks after he came home and have been happily married for almost 41 years. SOOOOOOOOOO LOVE AT FIRST DOES HAPPEN!
We had a big church wedding with long white dress and all, i was only 15 that was my dads rules if i still wanted to get married when he came home.
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Wednesday 27 October
By Rich
First comes lust, then comes I'm in love, then comes marriage and over 50% of the time next is divorce and then I hate you and can't stand the sight of you.
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Wednesday 27 October
By Honest Abe
Yep...just a chemical reaction. A man gets his "thinking up"...he's in love. Once the "thinking goes down"....he's out of love. Pretty simple.
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Wednesday 27 October
By J.E.B.
Honest Abe: You're TOO honest, Abe! But accurate! LOL.
Wednesday 27 October
By Charmed
I don't think that science can explain this phenomenon.
Once, a long time ago, I actually knew that I was going to be involved with a certain person when I heard his mentioned in conversation. (I hadn't met him yet.) Oddly, enough when I did meet him, he wasn't particularly attractive or appealing. I didn't feel anything and just discounted my intuition from before.
However, the second time we met, for some reason, it just hit both of us and we had a really intense relationship for a few months. However, he was on the rebound from a serious relationship, so it didn't last. It took about 2 years of crying for me to feel normal again after that. I've never felt anything like that since then. I still don't know what that was about, but I have met some other people who also have accounts that don't conform to simple physical attraction.
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Wednesday 27 October
By Fran
Charmed, what you're describing is something different from what people call 'love at first sight.' I've had experiences like what you describe, except not necessarily with romantic overtones - where the first time I met someone, I knew that I knew them from somewhere, and yet there was no way we could have crossed paths before. It's what leads me to suspect that reincarnation really happens. We know these people from close associations of one kind or another in former lives.
As for love: If it happens at first sight, it's not love (at least not yet) - it's desire or infatuation. If you're lucky it may become real love over time - if it's still there when the infatuation stage wears off, as it always does.
Wednesday 27 October
By Jim
I believe love is a choice. You choose to love a person no matter what, even if you are upset with them and don't like them at that moment, hence...for better for worst, richer or poorer, good times or bad times, through sickness or health until death do us part. When you promise these things to someone, you are really saying I will love you even at your worst, even if you are poor and living in a tent, even when things are not so good and if you get old and wrinkled and end up in a wheelchair, I will be there to push you around. I think people mistake the feely-touchy sex filled relationship that feels wonderful and makes one say "Wow...this must be love" run off and get married, then when it doesn't feel good for one reason or another, get divorced and say "next". I believe it is all about commitment, no matter if it is a relationship or marriage, you choose to love a person and choose to stay true-blue even if tempted. You choose these things no matter what your feelings are.
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Wednesday 27 October
By Caroline
Jim,,,I totally agree! Men like you are few and far between! Will you marry me??? LOL
Wednesday 27 October
By emma
I have been in chemo for almost 4 years and I can't tell you how many women get diagnosed with cancer and their husbands, one couple married over 35 years, walk out because they "can't deal with it". One woman got The Call and her husband said that he needed to go out to be alone for awhile. She never saw him again. The love of choice, in biblical terms, is called Agape. Godly, selfless, thoughtful love that stems not just from the heart but from the head when you consciously put someone else's needs above your own. These researchers are doing a great disservice to an already selfish society. So excited? Why? To keep people in that excited, lustful state instead of encouraging them to grow into love. I was devastated when a 'love at first sight' of mine didn't feel the same. But I married a man I never had those giddy feelings for and here he still is 25 years later rubbing my feet every night. That first 1/5 of a second just ain't worth it.
Wednesday 27 October
By Jessica and Joseph
Bravo, Jim!
Well articulated and perfectly correct.
You'll be a happy man!
Wednesday 27 October
By hmm
Jim, I was with you for the most part but every story has two sides. Do you stay when they lie, cheat, engage in illegal activity, and abuse you verbally and physically? That's when the for better or worse, etc. held little to no meaning to me. I am only 1 person, but out of 2 I am the 50 % that got the divorce.
Wednesday 27 October
By irresitible
My husband ( of 44 years) said he knew it was "LOVE at 1st site" the
minute that he seen me!!( I didn't know it that quickly) They say you
hear Bells & Whistles when true love happens, & that part was true because
I met him at a Gas Station and the bell went off!!! WE HAVE BEEN VERY
HAPPILY MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS!
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