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Just Like Insecure College Freshmen!
Despite observed homosexual behavior, zoologists believe some penguins aren't actually gay, just lonely and horny. (Telegraph)

Sugar, High
Introducing Dixie Elixirs pot soda, aimed to help those suffering the side effects of chemotherapy. (Jezebel)

Time to Start Practicing Personal Hygiene Again
All that hand sanitizer isn't doing much more than making you smell like a public bathroom: Its germ-killing effects only last two minutes. (N.Y. Daily
News)

Eat Real Food
Four deaths have been linked to contaminated celery. Just repeat our mantra with us: F**k celery. (CNN)

Popularity, Brain Damage Have Common Source
Wine cooler benders may be responsible for more than just hangovers: They may cause permanent cognitive injury (Health)



Being an A-hole Apparently Not the Same As Comic Talent
Mel Gibson will no longer have a cameo in "The Hangover 2," apparently due to dissent from the film's cast and crew. (PopEater)

Getting Crabs Now Easier Than Ever
The live crab vending machine, for those days when Fritos just aren't going to cut it. (Geekologie)

Live Action Role Gaying
The multiplayer online game "Fable III" will include the option to play as a gay blacksmith. (Yahoo!)

Jenna Jameson's Latest Oral Talent
The porn queen is in talks to play a singing strip club owner in Broadway's "Rock of Ages." (The Daily Beast)

People, Let Me Tell Ya 'Bout My Best Friend
Animals and their stuffed animals -- because even pets need a cuddle buddy sometimes.


(Photos: Getty)