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It's been said that the bonds of love grow stronger with time, which is why your parents are still freaking that you married that rando you met while traveling in Thailand. Turns out you may know your paramour as well as your parents know one another -- or even better.A new study suggests that couples who were together for an average of 40 years knew less about each other than newlyweds, who have been together only a year or two.
Researchers speculate the reason for the discrepancy is that those at the start of a relationship have more to gain from really trying to get to know their partner (yes, and it's called sex), while older couples, despite many years together, already feel they know everything about the other person. (Surely the younger couples are at an advantage since one hour on Facebook can yield more information than years of actual talking?)
Interestingly, the subject the older couples knew the least about was the food preferences of their spouses. And since they were more likely (than the younger couples) to tell a little white lie now and again, we've finally solved the mystery of why mom's "special" meatloaf keeps reappearing.
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Friday 22 October
By scammed
I think the main reason couples grow apart after marriage is because women often decide that sex is no longer important to the relationship AFTER marriage.
There needs to be a survey of married men asking if they still had a sex life after the first year of marriage is over. There's a saying that if you put a coin in a jar each time a couple has sex during the first year of marriage, and then take a coin out the jar every time after that, that the jar will never be emptied. In my marriage this would definitely be true.
It seems to be such a common behavior pattern that women quit having sex a year or so after marriage when the novelty has worn off, or after they had the last baby they want because they think married sex is only for baby-making, that you'd think marriage preparation classes would address this issue.
Marriage preparation classes should educate everyone about these common BAD behavior patterns and then ask every participant if they have such an agenda for quitting sex after marriage. It would help lower the divorce rate if they did because for most men, a sexless marriage is a loveless marriage, and men probably would reconsider if they knew their partners agenda was to give them a loveless marriage after a year of marriage or after the last baby was born.
Another thing that would help would be for those womens magazines that publish articles about "How to ensnare Mr. Right and get him to the altar", would print something telling its readers that if they behaved in the manner suggested in the articles and actually got a man to the altar, then in all fairness to the man they ought to continue that same behavior AFTER marriage or else the man will feel deceived, defrauded, and scammed.
Women seem to know when they are in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and are having lots of sex, that it might end the relationship if they decided they are done having sex for the rest of their life. For some reason many women think such behavior is fine AFTER getting married, ie. they decide they are done having sex and ignore that they are deciding for their husband that he too is done having sex for the rest of his life whether he likes it or not.
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Friday 22 October
By Its Me
Did you ever think the woman aren't interested in sex any more because the husband isn't concerned with her needs and only interested in pleasing himself. Women take far longer than men and many men are only interested in their own gratification. That would be a big turnoff for me. Don't be fooled in thinking that woman don't like sex, they do. They just want good sex!!!
Friday 22 October
By That sucks
I'm really sorry to hear that that's happening to you (or you feel that way). I know that it is true that sex does decrease after marriage...cause blatantly, some women just use sex as control, and I agree that it's not fair. BUT, those women, are terrible wives/girlfriends to begin with...I mean anyone who reads a magazine for relationship advice has something a little amiss with them to begin with. I just was writing a response for you, not to disagree, but to hopefully give you hope that not all women are so stupid (or stay so stupid). I have sex far more now being married and even having a child (and definitely wanting NO more!), than when we were dating/engaged/living together. I think that it's not the marriage factor as much as the lack of feeling like they have to keep you in control. We all know that marriage doesn't keep a man from wandering though...so those chicks who follow by the marriage = less sex rule are sorta stupid. The more comfortable and closer you feel to one another, the more you'll want to be intimate. I mean, who in their right mind would want less anyways?! If your wife isn't a controlling type, maybe she's just forgotten how great it is, the less you have it, the less you want it. I hope things look up for you both.
Oh and just a suggestion, flowers, romance, and a very good back massage work on even the toughest cookies! The less you act like you want only it, the more she'll want only it! Good luck :) Don't give up on her yet
Friday 22 October
By majormel54
Not only are you an ignorant ass, it's obvious you hate women. No wonder your wife doesn't have sex with you. LOSER!
Friday 22 October
By Melody
Not only are you an ignorant ass, it's obvious you hate women. No wonder your wife doesn't have sex with you. LOSER!
Friday 22 October
By RandyWife
It's not always the woman with the problem....I haved been married 30 years and practically have to beg my husband to get intimate. I have always wanted sex more than he does, even when we were younger. So let's be fair...women like to be loved to!
Friday 22 October
By Leslie
I agree with scammed. As a woman, I know the value of the intimacy of sex and how it totally plays a role in how emotionally connected I feel to my partner. I think when women keep an open mind to sexual contact with their partners, and men make an effort to make women feel special in ways that they need, it works best. The problem is when the give/take of sex and non-sexual intimacy pattern is broken, each partner has to be willing to get back on board with the cycle that feeds itself. Sex=emotional intimacy=sex=emotional intimacy. I know when my husband withdraws emotionally I sure as hell don't want to sleep with him, and I'm sure when he's not getting sex he sure as hell doesn't want to hear about my day or feed my emotional needs.
Friday 22 October
By MIke
Women are a pain in the ass. Can't live with em and can't live without em. It's God's punishment for giving in to Eve's temptation. I really believe this.
Friday 22 October
By cassie
Maybe you're just a giant pain in the ass, scammed. I bet you're the kind of man who can't unload the dishwasher, take out the trash or be bothered with the kiddos. Perhaps your wife is just TIRED.
Friday 22 October
By mike
man you really asked for that ass chewing, all those gals wit oh so much relation ship experience calling you names,, lol, they have no idea what it takes to make a marriage last for 35 yrs as mine has and it sure isnt sex, it's a bond that goes beyond the short physical satisfaction of sex, it's great i the early years and later it's really not worth the effort, of course they are now going to inform me of my lack of knowledge of the female psyche, but hell till they have made it 35 yrs they know nothing, sounds like they base their relationship on their sexual satisfaction, i pity their partner
Friday 22 October
By Richard
scammed, I think you did get scammed, or maybe you are doing something wrong that turns your wife off to you. Normal women do not give up on sex after one year. Sometimes they want more sex than the man can perform. My lady of eight years wants sex at least four times a week, and she would comply with me if I wanted it every night. I suspect you are doing something wrong. Ask your wife what the problem is.
Friday 22 October
By benji
You obviously have had some sex issues in long-term relationships...maybe even right past day marraige. Feel very bad for you. I am a women and can personally say that sex life with my husband was fabulous for 30+ years. Yes, after 50 libido started to subside, but had the hots for one man for decades., and still think about all our wonderful times together. Am sorry for your experience. Please know it has nothing to do with women who have no natural interest...or I hope women who intended to deceive. Think you just had some bad luck. Hope you meet someone better suited to you and this area of life is fulfilled.
Friday 22 October
By allmywickedsins
Maybe you need to take a hard look at how you are treating her.
Friday 22 October
By xinero
Wow...scammed, you sound bitter. You must have had a very bad experience. However, you are wrong in thinking that "most" women do not want sex. Where are you getting these statistics? As a matter of fact, my husband stopped wanting sex starting with out honeymoon and I believe that both men and women can be blamed for sexless marriages.
Friday 22 October
By lilgtogirl
No offense but I have been married to my husband for 18 years next month and I still want him all of the time. Maybe its just you. My husband does not come off like a sanctimonious piece of crap the way you do so that makes me want to have sex with him right now. People grow apart because reponsibilities cause you to focus energies on different things. I know a lot of my friends only seem to be able to talk to their husbands about the kids because that has been the number one topic for so long. I myself don't have kids so my husband and I still talk to each other about each other...and can have loud sex in the house. We are not exhausted all day from having little rugrats driving us crazy. This is not brain surgery people, its a common problem that men and women let happen. Its not the woman's fault. I do think in your case its MOSTLY YOUR FAULT.
Friday 22 October
By laruud
I'm sorry that you have had that experience. I personally have had a great marriage. I have been married for over 5 years now, going on the 2nd baby and still have sex at least once a week...but I agree with the previous poster, most women still love sex, but the man becomes interested in only his satisfaction and gets off, then goes to sleep leaving the woman still wanting. it works both ways, and the man should really make sure the woman gets hers first EVERY time! Then she will gladly reciprocate. At least in my experience... :o)
Friday 22 October
By my two cents
I am thinking that there is probably a reason that your wife no longer is interested in sex (or at least not nearly as often) besides that she just isn't interested for herself. Perhaps she has seen who you really are and you're not the man she thought you married and she doesn't think you deserve that anymore. In my opinion, sex (or making love) is a gift, a gift of yourself that you are willing to share with someone who you love and who you want to make happy. I'm not sure most men view it that way, though. Perhaps you think she owes it to you for some reason or that she should put out no matter how you treat her. If that's the case then think again. If you make her happy, then hopefully she want to make you happy.
Friday 22 October
By Carol
Oh, get over it! Married women enjoy sex as much as men if the sex is satisfiying to them as well as their husbands.. Let's turn it around alittle, shall we. The first year or so of marriage is much more sexually active probably due to circumstance as well as anything else, more time, less distractions, more desire due to newness, less responsibilities...the list goes on. Then one night, the woman realizes, "hey, I wasn't completely satisfies with that, and he's already turning over and starting to snore. Oh, well, maybe next time." Then next time comes around and guess what....he's turning over and starting to snore and she's wondering why she even bothered to take off her panties.
My theory is you get as good as you give. So if your not getting any or as much as you'd like, maybe you need to take a good hard look in the mirror. What's the saying....if you point a finger there are three pointing back at you?
Friday 22 October
By dazed
'Scammed,' do you realize that EVERYBODY'S comments are because of YOUR posting and not the article's?!!? LOL That's interesting. Anyways, really sucks that some women AND men change so much after marriage or a few years of dating. Really does boil down to novelty for some, just like you said. Maybe counseling time? If she doesn't want to go, then maybe you should go alone. I don't think it's fair for ANYONE to be in a joyless marriage. Life is too short. BUT I think, especially nowadays, people rush towards divorce too quickly. I am a fan of being married only once. HOWEVER, with that being said, if you're genuinly trying to save the relationship (I'm not just talking about sex here) and she isn't interested, maybe you need to think about yourself and find happiness elsewhere.
Saturday 23 October
By Laur
very great observation, and true I believe.