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From ice sculptures to swans to a $1,200 cake, picture-perfect weddings can quickly break the bank. (Read this for what a wedding really costs.) But, what about the 120 million people who attend weddings each year? From gifts to plane tickets to hotel rooms, costs can seriously add up. According to Sharon Stimpfle of Wedding Channel, 60 percent of your gift budget should go for the wedding gift, 20 percent for the shower, 15 percent for the engagement gift, and 5 percent for the bachelorette bash, to which you should bring something cute but small.
Below, you'll find our handy chart with how much you should spend on gifts, sorted by how close you are to the person. Double all of these amounts if you're a couple. And if you live in an urban area where the cost of living is high, add $25 to $50 to each of these numbers.
If you are not invited to the engagement or bachelorette party, feel free to reassign those funds to the wedding and shower gifts. And remember -- the bridal shower is all about gifts, so wrap yours nicely and be prepared for the bride to open it in front of you and all of your friends.
Some more wedding-guest financial tips:
1. Aim for Average
But that's it. You don't have to spend more than that, even if your friend is throwing a "Great Gatsby"–style affair. "Most brides and grooms ... don't expect over-the-top, elaborate gifts from their guests, especially those ... in their 20s and 30s," says Anna Lucia Richardson, a wedding planner.
Learnvest Tip: Once you receive the invite, be the first guest to buy a gift from the registry. That way, you'll have your pick of items in your price range. Plus, you'll receive brownie points for being so on top of your game.
2. Plan Your Travel EARLY
Many airlines will make you pay surcharges of up to $30 for traveling at "peak times," but during summer, more days are "peak" than aren't. So, get your tickets the moment you decide to go to the wedding.
3. Use Your Rewards
Use credit card rewards points to purchase gift cards or gifts from the registry. You may also be able to use points toward travel and hotel costs.
4. Group Gift
Group gifting is a great way to collectively give something that you might not otherwise be able to afford on your own, says Richardson. If each person pitches in the $70 he or she would've spent otherwise, you can communally purchase something much pricier. Ideally, each person should contribute the same amount, Richardson says, in order to split those brownie points equally.
5. Just Be Nice
This is a very stressful, emotional time for your engaged friend, so do everything you can to help the couple feel special and unburdened. The gifts that they'll look back upon most fondly aren't necessarily the most expensive. Offer to help the bride find her jewelry, run errands, and ask if there's anything you can take off her plate. Also, never forget that a nice note goes a long way, so remember to break out your stationery.
6. Gift Your Services
We know a bridesmaid who created a 15-minute video to air during the reception dinner in lieu of another gift. It was a major highlight of the night, a priceless gift that the newlyweds will cherish forever. (More so than the coffeemaker we bought them.)
7. Decline, Respectfully
If you can't go to a wedding -- even if it's for financial reasons -- don't feel bad. Just follow up with a phone call and send a small, simple gift to show your appreciation for being invited, says Stimpfle. Your gift doesn't have to be expensive; it can be something creative rather than from the registry.
More than anything, remember that many couples understand the financial burden of expensive plane tickets and hotel reservations; what they'll appreciate most are your good wishes. Click here for more tips on how to survive wedding weekends with your wallet intact.
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Comments:
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Tuesday 19 October
By MJ
You have got to be kidding !!!! $100.00 dollars for the wedding gift ? Rule of thumb was always to give a gift that would at least cover the price of the meal. Most weddings today cost approx. $150.00 dollars per person...so for a couple to give $100.00 is very low. Even worse is that some thought should be given to the wedding gift. If you are not giving a check, but are going off the couple's registry, make sure your gift is appropriate for the wedding, shower, etc. One of my closest friends just gave my daughter 1 place setting of her china. If you can't afford 2, in order for the bride and groom to be able to have a meal on it,.....pick something else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Tuesday 19 October
By tania
Totally disagree. The wedding meal is considered COMPLIMENTARY as a celebration of the marriage. Insisting a gift should cover this price is tacky. $100 is plenty! And, whats up with the Bachelorette Party prices. Where I am from this would be around $40 or up, to buy a classy piece of lingerie for the bride.
Tuesday 19 October
By Lisa
You and other "gimme-gimmes" have made that "rule of thumb" up. Sorry, but check with all the manners books, advice columns, etc. now and in the past. You should not serve a meal expecting an equal or better value out of YOUR GUESTS! That is what they are, YOUR GUESTS! Hopefully your daughter was more gracious in her thanks for the place setting. But, you probably have taught her that she is deserving as the bride, and she now places value on the gifts over the friendships. I suppose it was an expensive place setting, and one was all they could afford. Be thank, not petty and greedy.
Tuesday 19 October
By Graystone
If a couple can afford to throw a $150+ a plate wedding for a 100+ guests, they don't need no stinkin' $100+ wedding present. I would rather see the couple just serve cake and punch and put the rest of the money towards a house, furniture, money in the bank for emergencies, future house maintenance and the possibility of kids..
Tuesday 19 October
By Not so cheap skate
I think this list is ridiculous. Why would you spend the same on a friend than you would an acquaintance? That makes so sense. I'm not someone that is cheap by any means, but I don't think you need to spend $100 on each family member. I come from a very large family and unless the family member is very close, $50 is adequte.
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Tuesday 19 October
By cfreeperson
These amounts seem a bit high to me, especially for someone of modest means with a large family. If I had to spend $100 or even $70 on a gift for everyone I was close to who got married, I'd have to declare bankruptcy very shortly.
Weddings have become ridiculous, ostentatious occasions. Seriously, people spend more on their wedding than my house is worth. Wouldn't it be wiser to spend that money on something that lasts a little longer than a sit-down dinner for 350 people at $150 a plate? And, if I go to a wedding that has an extravagant budget, why should I feel obligated to reciprocate with a gift that has a correspondingly high price?
Remember when people got married in a church or hall and had a reception with cake and punch afterward? It really hasn't been that long ago...
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Tuesday 19 October
By Ruth
What happened to common sense?
When I got married in 1938, I am 90 yrs old, we were grateful for anything we received. Several of the gentlemen my husband worked with pooled their money to buy us a set of dishes. The dishes in those days was probably $20. or less. At least we had dishes, plus a grateful heart!
Tuesday 19 October
By Carolyn
These numbers are low - what about the cost of the attending for the wedding party? Or friends who attend a bachelor/bachelorette party? Add at least $200 for that party, and about $300 for the dress, alterations, shoes, hair, etc.
Weddings are expensive for everyone when one goes the "traditional" route.
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Tuesday 19 October
By OldeCapeCod
The comments above are ABSURD.
The "suggestions" in the article even more so.
The standard rule is: Pay for your "plate" and give them a "plate."
Ergo: If the reception is $100. per (and this is easy enough to discover),)
the "gift" should be $200.00 - $100 for your plate and $100 for the couple.
If you are a "couple" attending, then it is $100 + $100 + $100 = $300.
"Course if it is an old hoe-down affair, an old bathtub or washing machine for the porch would be a great gift and bring along a jug of "shine" - just in case.
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Tuesday 19 October
By mj
Thank you for having the common sense to agree with me. My daughter was grateful for every gift she received. She was raised with love and respect and knows that friendship is the most important thing. But she was also raised with class. She is aware of the price of a wedding and what an appropriate gift should be.
Tuesday 19 October
By Bam
I just don't go to weddings anymore unless it is someone in the immediate family. I hate to see waste and hate to feel pressured by people like MJ. I send a check for $50.00 for family and $25.00 to friends.
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Tuesday 19 October
By Meg
I'm going to a wedding in Febuary that is out of state. The bride, a close friend of mine since I was 10 told me that the greatest gift I could give her is to just be there (and be a bridesmaid). After the plane ticket and dress I really can't afford much more, so I appreciate her telling me that's enough. But I still feel it's appropriate for me to bring her at least a little something for each of the parties along the way. Basically, what I'm saying is, if you have questions about how much to spend, ask the couple who are getting married what is expected. Chances are, they just want you there (they did care enough to invite you after all), and the rest is icing on the wedding cake.
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Tuesday 19 October
By tommygirl173
This is stupid. There shouldn't be an expectation of how much to spend. It is a gift. When I got married I appreciated everything and every amount I got-- except for maybe the redbox coupons that didn't even work (seriously). But you should only be expected to spend as much as you can afford, not go to great lengths to impress someone with a gift. My husband is in medical school. We have loans, and can only spend about 30 dollars. My brother is in college and makes homemade cards that have a lot of thought put into them and sometimes can only spend about 15 or 20. It should be the thought that counts and not the amount. When we are over the hump and both have jobs, sure we will spend more. We will spend whatever we can afford! No one should have to feel guilty because they cannot give this much!
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Tuesday 19 October
By Dakota
I never give wedding gifts.....too many divorces. I give a great 5th anniversary gift instead.
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Tuesday 19 October
By MJ
I wasn't talking about young couple guests !!!! If you are an adult couple, who are friends with the parents of the bride or groom, you should know better !!!! She wouldn't have cared if her friends gave a card only. In fact, one of her favorite gists was a framed collage of pictures of the bride and groom with her friends. I was talking about my friend, who is well off financially, giving 1 place setting of china. That place setting cost $109.00 on sale at Macy's. She, her husband and their son attended the wedding !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday 20 October
By Katie
MJ, your comments are downright offensive. By judging the monitary value of your friends gifts you're showing that you're the one without class. Not everyone can afford to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts.
Accept the gift, thank them, and keep your opinions to yourself.
Wednesday 20 October
By PF
Mother of Bride,
Your financially well-off friend is financially well-off because she doesn't feel compelled to throw money at every entitled friend who shoves an invitation under her nose.
If you invited her because you expected she would shower *your* daughter with lavish gifts, you're the one who needs a lesson in manners.
Perhaps when your daughter remarries, a likely occurrence if she is anything like her check-and-balance-keeping mother, you can specify on the invitations that guests are expected to furnish gifts according to their apparent means.
Tuesday 19 October
By HOT ASS BITCH
i think this is nonsense....it is a general rule that you cover your plate and whomever you attend with....that means that if the wedding is 150 a plate a 300 gift is minimum....if you cannot afford a gift like that that is one thing but if you think someone can give a hundred dollar gift thats insane and pretty rude....
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Tuesday 19 October
By MJ
Thank you H. A. B. Why do people think we gimme-gimme's as some idiot put it, make up these etiquette decisions ??? Read any Wedding Advice Book. Maybe she goes to BBQ backyard weddings
Tuesday 19 October
By Wow
People get worked up so much about the money and forget what it's really about. First of all, the first comment by MJ is ridiculous. You are inviting people to "celebrate with you", guests are not just a way to pay for your wedding and get expensive gifts. And if people want to have a big wedding and have the money, fine, but don't expect others to be able to reciprocate with something very expensive as well. Especially in times like these, when people are lucky to have a job, most people can't afford a lot. You should just be happy to be surrounded by friends and marrying the man or woman you love. Get over the entitled attitude- it's not attractive- and I wonder why anyone would even want to marry someone who is so superficial!
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