Shanae Hall is like that wise friend you have who cuts through all your whining and obsessing to tell you exactly what you'd been avoiding telling yourself.
Not only is she an ex-NFL wife (of the Falcons' Corey Hall), she's also the co-author of the book "Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man?
", a book about dating, spoiled guys and our responsibilities as women in relationships. We were lucky enough to spend a few minutes picking Shanae's brain ... and, of course, we asked her about Favregate
Lemondrop: It's also kind of amazing that a book written by an NFL wife is coming out just as this Brett Favre thing has been all over the news. What's your opinion on all that?
My feelings are two-fold. Of course, I'm always angry at the guy. It's sheer stupidity. You have a beautiful wife, children, you're a grandfather! You're a leader and a protector, and you've thrown all that away for no reason. It wasn't a life or death situation, just some stupid thing you wanted to do.
But on the other hand, since I was an NFL wife, and I know tons of sports wives, here's my question: why would this girl hold on to these voice mails for two years? I don't save voicemails for two days! People who are feeling harassed and traumatized don't wait for two years, and they don't sell
their stories. Basically Favre just handed her a check when he did that. Touché. Do you think she shouldn't have come forward?
If he had been single, no one would have cared. But he's a married grandfather. He had a whole "wrangler, good boy" image and it's gone now. That voicemail message he left her
, the one they released, he sounded so at ease, so comfortable.
If he sounded that comfortable doing something that sneaky, it wasn't the first time he'd left a message like that. Of all the NFL players I know, and I know a lot, the one thing they have in common is that there are no consequences for their behavior. They can do whatever they want and people just bend over backwards to let them.
This sounds like that "player mentality" you talk about in your book. It happens in famous athletes as well as the dudes at the local bar, and you say that women have a part in maintaining that behavior.
Exactly. The reason we have men with player mentality is that there are no consequences for those men. Women stay [with mistreating men] because we're afraid of being alone, or we have kids with them, or we feel like we're supposed to be married.
We have to set higher standards. Love doesn't hurt, love isn't embarrassing. If your boyfriend or husband is treating you poorly and you don't leave, you're telling him that it's OK. If it's always happening to you, you're always letting it happen. You're ignoring the red flags.
You mention red flags in the book too. Can you tell us more about those?
Well, cheating on past girlfriends is one red flag. There's a chapter in the book called "Setting Standards" that helps you to figure out your own standards for a man based on your values. What is important to you? Being good with money? Going to church? Strong family background?
If you're saying you want these qualities in a man, don't let a man slide by if he doesn't meet your standards. Don't give a guy a chance to convince you to keep him despite his "red flag". As soon as you see something that goes against the standards you set, let the guy go.
What's the best piece of advice you can give Lemondrop readers about dating?
Take your time! Our culture is so focused on instant gratification -- we want food right now, we want plastic surgery, we want quick results, but genuine relationships take time. Take the time to get to know a guy you're dating and decide if he's right for you rather than convincing yourself that this guy is the one.
Check out Shanae Hall at Loving Me First, and you can buy her book here!
Emily Gordon is a Lemondrop contributor, blogger and journalist who lives in Los Angeles. She thinks less like a woman or a man than a mermaid or a unicorn.