My mom always said that there are three kinds of friends in this world: friends for a reason, friends for a season or friends for life. (My Mom loves rhyming advice.)Lately, in the age of 500-plus Facebook friends, it's a question everyone seems to be asking: Is real friendship dying? Which relationships really matter? And is it better to have one BFF -- or an army of acquaintances?
I fall somewhere in between. I think we can splinter my mom's three original categories into a list of the Top 10 friends every girl needs to get by -- nay -- to succeed, socially networked or not.
After all, you are the company you keep, but shouldn't the company you keep help advance the you that you are?
Here are my recommendations if we were to take that number from 500 to 10:
1. A photographer friend
Want to feel really good about yourself and the faux-fabulous life you lead? Have an amazing photographer take some black & white action shots of you and your friends doing any number of ridiculous things. You'll say things like, "Wow, we're amazing, we look amazing, my god we're having so much fun." Is it 100% true? Who cares! It looks true in your Facebook album.
2. An accountant friend
You know what is just terrible? Turbotax. It's confusing and time-consuming and somehow always more expensive than you imagine. Accountant friends are like living/breathing Turbotax, except you don't have to remember any passwords. We're young, so we don't know just how much we need our accountant friends but trust me, they will be excellent to have in the bag once we start buying real estate.
3. A friend who knows wineSee, most people who know wine well are quite snobbish, so if you have a friend who really knows wine you could go to her instead of having to deal with some snooty sommelier. Or if your friend is some snooty sommelier you probably don't mind, considering you're already friends.
4. A friend who works for a fashion label/closet/magazine
See above. Note: Prepare for frustration on account of sample sizes.
5. A really handy friend
We of the never-did-anything-for-ourselves generation take for granted the importance of, say, wallpapering a room, laying tile or hanging a door. These needs are real, and real expensive if you don't have someone who can teach-a-man-to-fish-for-you for free. I don't personally have one of this type of friend, but I'm happy to consider anyone who'd like to apply.
6. A friend who can sew
Sadly, sewing skills are a thing of the past, which means tailors can charge whatever they so please for a quick hem or zipper fix. If you have a friend who can sew, she'd likely either fix your simple issues for free or agree to some form of barter. If she's a very good friend she'll likely try to teach you how to sew for yourself, but I recommend refusing because sewing is very challenging and takes a lot of patience.
7. A lawyer/doctor friend
These are grouped together because they are of equal value. Doctor's appointments and lawyer fees are incredibly expensive, making having a doctor or lawyer friend much like having a friend who works for a fashion label/closet/magazine -- free expensive advice and goods.
8. A friend who knows what to do with babies
There may come a time when you find yourself with a baby and no knowledge of what to do. In this case it's really excellent to have a baby expert in your arsenal. This can/should probably be your mother, which wouldn't count against your five closest friends, so if you've placed yourself in close enough proximity to yours, bravo -- you've saved a friend slot.
9. A chef and/or really good cook friendThere is nothing more fantastic than attending the dinner party of someone who really knows what they're doing in the kitchen. That's all really, but shouldn't be undervalued.
10. A friend who is in a really solid and admirable relationship
I learned most of what I know about relationships from WB TV shows spanning 1996–2000, so it's been rough goings since "Felicity" went off the air. Having a friend in a solid relationship modeling mature and loving behavior toward a man would no doubt help me navigate the waters of post-grad dating so that I might have more success than I've had living by the examples of CW programming from '01 to '10.
Honorable mentions:
• A friend who is a member of the Academy of Film & Television. Two words: free screeners
• A friend in a band. Your cool factor increases exponentially whenever you say, "I have this friend in a band ..."
• A friend with a lot of older brothers. This worked incredibly well in high school and college, so there's no reason to think it shouldn't still work.
So anyway, that's my (and my mom's) two cents. Who else would you add to your must-have friend list?
Jessie Rosen is a frequent Lemondrop contributor and has survived many a dating exploit, including being sold at a dating auction. She writes the blog 20-Nothings, an account of getting by from 2-0 to 3-0 with minimal wind resistance.












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Wednesday 13 October
By Kate
I'm sure this is supposed to be a cutesy article and I'm taking it way too seriously, but I suppose it's because, as an adult, I've encountered a lot of women just like this -- those who want to base friendships on what they can get from it -- a quantitative, what can you do for ME? Luckily I have a group of amazing friends -- friends like family. We accept each other for who we are and support each other despite the "friendship benefits" available. Oh, but what to do when that really clutch seamstress friend tries to sleep with your fiance?? Damn, gotta keep her, need that free alteration on the wedding dress.
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Wednesday 13 October
By Kat
I completely agree with Kate's comment. I would rather have a handful of friends that have my back and who actually care about each other as people than have dozens of "friends" who give me free stuff. I'll always be able to buy my own clothes and pay a repairman to fix the dishwasher, but it's much harder to find someone that I'll want to share a cup of tea with on my front porch when we're sixty years old.
Wednesday 13 October
By Brandi
Amen Kate!
Wednesday 13 October
By E
Take it for what it is. It's cute and funny. That's all it's aiming for.
True friends play a role of nothing but that... a friend. We all know that. (or those who have been blessed with true friends know). I have some FABULOUS friends who be homeless and out of work for all I care... they have big hearts, loving souls and make me laugh till my stomach hurts. I love them!!
Wednesday 20 October
By Diana Price
I'm a photographer. I do not give my time and photos away for free, and my friends would never dream of asking me to do so.
This is BEYOND lame. And propagates the myth that all of us photographers should just shoot every acquaintance for free for the fun of it.
Wednesday 20 October
By kariboo21
I guess that I am being too serious about it too. My best friend died 6 months ago, and I miss her deeply. Don't need to see some cutesy article about how you should only choose your friends based on what they can do for you!
Wednesday 20 October
By poot
I think you've pretty much hit it on the head, Kate
Wednesday 20 October
By Kara
My thoughts exactly... You rock Kate!
Wednesday 20 October
By SweetieC
right on the money, Kate. This article rubbed me the wrong way because I am the "friend" with the great relationship that cooks, sews, gardens, mows the lawn, knows wine, whose husband fixes cars, lifts heavy things and so forth ... we are tired of being used by so-called friends with ill intentions.
Wednesday 20 October
By Lottie
Kate, I so agree!! I'm an old woman now, and the best lesson I've learned about friendship--it's the friends who are with you through your tears and joys that matter, not whether they know wine or have a law degree.
I found this article to be very self-serving, nothing "cute" about it. I hope the author comes to realize one day what true friendship is, and at the risk of sounding even more preachy, to learn that the best way to have a friend is to be one.
Wednesday 20 October
By June
How about having a friend that knows how to get you FREE stuff or great service as these usually go hand in hand. I have a friend like that, just Google "save creatively" and the site by that name will give you everything a friend with free stuff would.
Wednesday 20 October
By Peggy
Kate,
I thought the same thing when I started reading it. Someone who bases their friendships on what others can do for them.
Wednesday 20 October
By StepRightUp
This is the most shallow article I've ever read. This woman probably goes from relationship to relationship scratching her head as to why she just can't meet a "nice" partner.
Best pick up line for players ever: Hi. I'm a photographer. Great career. Yeah I just did a shoot with a girl who looked just like you. Would you like to come to my studio and do some "professional" shots?
Sounds like this author falls for a bunch of bull. This list seems more like a friends with benefits list for the over-used and desperate.
Wednesday 20 October
By Cj
Bravo to all you ladies who wrote in to tell this writer she is looking only for friends who can help her. How would she like it if these 10 people look to her only for what she can give them.
Life is about accepting each other (friends, husbands, whoever) for who they are.
I have found what makes a person happiest is to help others. " To give is to recieve." I can count my true friends who have my back while I have theirs on one hand and that is fine. The rest are aquintances and that is ok too. When you learn the differance between real friends and aquintances you will be happy. It is in giving that you receive. ok now im repeating myself so once again ***BRAVO*** to all of you who are speaking out about this article and this person who clearly doesnt understand real friendship. Have a Great Day, Cj ;)
Thursday 21 October
By jb
I agree that I immediately thought that the writer was telling you a list of people you could "use" in your life. A friend with good advice, there when you need a shoulder to cry on, and a friend who will go shop with you "till you drop" is the circle of friends that you need.
Now as far as the accountant is concerned.....lol....I have my brother-in-law who is a CPA.....so I "use" him instead of using a friend.
Wednesday 20 October
By Gatitta
I couldn't agree more!! I can tell everyone 1 friend not to have:
The girl who wrote this article AKA the user "friend"
This article actually disgusts me that someone would strategically pick their friends for what they have. I thought it was maybe just me at first being kind of independent because I was an only child, but I see from the comments all are equally annoyed.
This is why the accountant, doctor, lawyer, etc. don't hang out with people who would only use them for their services. I wouldn't even use my own family like this. Advice for the author- most of the stuff you listed you could easily learn to do on your own. Get off your computer and read a book or take a class, enrich yourself, don't depend on other people for this. No one likes a user.
Wednesday 20 October
By DT
Kate...You nailed it
Wednesday 20 October
By Keith
I think Facebook is such a toilet for trouble and wouldn't take the time to even read it. A relative of mine is a P.I. who uses it to find perps who are toos tupid to realize that they give out info on themselves that make his job easier. Otherwise all it is is a place for Lazy and/or mean people to take up space. If you really want to find me I am in the phonebook and I don't care enough about your kids pictures to compromise my personal life.
Wednesday 20 October
By mandy
I completely agree..... I'm honestly trying to understand why this is even considered advice? finding "friends" who can do things just so you can benifit from them? That just sounds like your looking for people to use. I give this artical 2 thumbs down. Whoever wrote this atrical must love using people to her benifit =/ sad.
Wednesday 20 October
By Cathy
Your comments were exactly what I was thinking...MY mom taught me that to have a good friend is to be a good friend! No rhymes needed! :)