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When it comes to dating, do your parents play a part in whom and how you date? We posed the question to readers earlier this week, and responses indicated that parents impact our dating lives in all sorts of ways. Some readers found partners who would please their parents; some took after their mothers' dating habits; others dated dudes who were similar to their fathers. But commenters were unanimous in saying that their parents influenced whom they date in one way or another. Did yours? Weigh in below.
"I dated guys for years that I thought would get a rise out of my dad, but that turned out to be the only part of my life that my dad didn't want to argue about (what I wore, thought, wanted to do for a living and favorite hobbies were all open for warfare). When I realized he didn't care, I started dating guys that were like my dad and was always really upset when we broke it off because it was like not being able to fix my relationship with my father all over again. Now, I've dealt with my daddy issues and date the sort of guys I've always been attracted to, but never thought I could attract." -- Alicia
"I am afraid to bring home the kind of guys I'm attracted to. I come from a very thin, fit family, and am very petite myself. However I am attracted to heavyset men. Don't know why, just always have been. When they have seen my bfs in the past I get 'the look' ... you all know what I mean. I've dated other 'good looking thin guys' in the past, but felt it was just to make them happy." -- Rachel
"From my teenage years into my early twenties I dated like my mother had. It wasn't until I turned 21 that I realized this pattern and promptly stopped taking home the stray puppies. I learned that I wanted my partner to be happy and functional before I met them, while I was with them, and remain so when the relationship ended. Most importantly, I learned that I did NOT want to be the sole source of happiness for my partner since you will always fail them in some way if you are." -- Bond
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Thursday 07 October
By dickn2000b
My parents are dead. Have been for decades. So they don't influence my dating. My wife, however, puts a real crimp into it.
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Thursday 07 October
By KAY
i date unknow to parents and children 3 baby 22 next week i ve dated the same guy for 10 years but becuase i had such a bad marriage i fear exposeing the kids to bad situation and my parents (mother) was so cirtical of who i dated that i just keep them a part out of that part of my life he never met my parents seen my kids once but they dont no but for both of us this works now that are all grown and out the house it would be nice to see him under a moor related situation all not with my parents they are 74 and 76 very healthy thank god
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Thursday 07 October
By Tiffany
Um I date, I just don't talk about it. I guess I just don't feel the need to bring some one to 'meet the folks' until I feel that they are worthy of that. My family doesn't pry and I don't feel the need to tell them any of this stuff, that isn't all that exciting anyway... so no, they don't shape how I date. I just date, and decide to keep it to myself on my own accord. I have a sister who dates in the open and that's fine, it's just whenever the occasion that something doesn't work out I don't want people asking "What happened to that Jim guy? He seemed nice.."
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Friday 08 October
By Gus
I had a HS girlfriend whom I really liked. My dad hated her. When I asked him what was wrong with her, he'd say "Come on, Gus," "Is that the kind of girl you like?" "Gus, get serious," "Where did you find her?" "Aren't there any other girls at that school?" and various other bitterly sarcastic comments. When I asked him to be specific, he would laugh or get angry, condescendingly implying there was something wrong with MY judgement to the effect that any fool except me could see what was wrong with this girl and I was making an enormous mistake in dating her. I rejected that girl and later realized I was in love with her. After that I found fault with every girl I really liked that liked me. I have dated a lot but never for long for fear I had the wrong girl. And if one seemed to lose interest in me, I never worked at the relationship. I do not see myself ever having a long-term girlfriend or getting married. I am f***ed.
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Friday 08 October
By friendly psych major
I reccommend u talk to someone especially ur dad. theres plenty of guys out there who arent even lucky 2 get a gf (like me...lol) and there r plenty of wonderful girls who want 2 c gus 4 gus. its not fair 2 u or them. i might also recomend seeing a guidance counselor or therapist uf sum sort
Wednesday 13 October
By carah
Gus im sorry you feel this way, but there will be someone out there for you. Stop worrying so much about being with the wrong person. I dated a guy that had the same issue you say you do, I loved him deeply, I have moved on however he doesn't seem to have effectively. when you date like that unfortunely i believe you also probably wonder if you just didnt stay with the right girl as well. Try having some girl for friends that you don't date. And I agree with the other commenter, you should probably talk with a guidance counselor, they may be able to help you move past this. It sounds as if you are letting your dad truly leave lasting hurt emotionally.
Friday 08 October
By shidrea
well my father isn't in my life but my mother she always had to meet the guys whether i would like for her or not . i'm attracted to man that i thought i would never be attracted to. It"s like if my mom didn't like the guys that i bring home its a problem, now i'm finally realizing that its me that has to live life and have fun whether my mom likes it or not i have to be me when it comes down to dating.... shidrea
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Friday 08 October
By David S.
Yes, strong parents do influence dating to some extent. Raising children with strong values and role models has everything to do with how they look at themselves and others. Yes, they will rebel and do what they want, especially in the late teens and college-age years, and that is normal. After that, whether they marry or not, or whomever they turn out to be, I wish them well. But strong parents are never a negative thing. That early love and bonding never leaves a child, whether you live to be 50 or 90.
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Wednesday 13 October
By Carah
My mother and father both affect my dating because i have tended in the past to try to date guys i thought that they would approve of. After 2 years with a guy that my mom liked a lot at first (as did my younger sis, who is one of my best friends) and that my dad thought was just fine, i found that the guy and i were much different and not happy together, so dating to plz please the parents, been there and tried it, got the t-shirt, not looking to go round two.
The man i am currently engadged to as a matter of fact has a slight approval rating from my mom and my dad has only met at my grandfather's funeral because i have not pushed for the meeting like with the first guy, because while i would like my parents to approve, im not worried about it. Although i do tend to think that more honestly Kinda hope they dont approve everything about him, because it will make me happier that way since niether one of my parents has choosen people after each other that i have a high opinion of. (mom is 40 with a 26year old, and dad is 41 with a woman that has grandchildren older than my 10 year old baby sis)
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