Thai bride with a portrait of herself.Girls, be careful, somebody's going 'round, snatching up our men. And that somebody is Thailand.

The New York Times ran a horrifically disturbing story on the phenomenon of creepy old retired white dudes flocking to the country's Isaan region. Apparently, more and more American men are moving to there to acquire young Thai wives and McThaiMansions.

Time was, men used to send away for wives in foreign countries or bring them back to the States, but now some old, pensioned boomers are choosing to go live abroad in their wives' native lands instead. The result is a sort of expatriate village -- you know, like in "The Beach," but racist and creepier.

The women "like it" because they don't have to work anymore and they get a house and car. The men like it because, as twice-divorced retired naval officer and "imported husband" Joseph Davis put it, "Thai women are a lot like women in America were 50 years ago."

Apparently it's a real pain in the butt for men that we recognize ourselves as equals in America and are "strong-headed and opinionated." Don't get us started on the 63-year-old retired math teacher that the article mentions (WE KNEW IT! WE KNEW IT, HIGH SCHOOL MATH TEACHERS!) whose three-decades-younger wife doesn't speak English. But get this: They both love hamburgers.

Fortunately, not all of the article was so romantic, because we probably couldn't handle any more swooning. One impoverished Thai woman told the Times she didn't think she could marry just for money, and that love gets her through life's hardships. She's obviously never experienced the joy of making out with a 63-year-old retired math teacher.