Hungry for sex advice you can trust? Each week the resident sex experts at Good in Bed will answer your most burning questions. Go on, ask 'em anything. Your Sex Question: Do you need to tell a guy you're sleeping with that you have HPV?
What Anna from Good in Bed had to say:
First things first: HPV stands for human papillomavirus, which is the virus family that causes warts (anywhere on your body -- your hand, your foot and, yes, your genitals); it also can cause cervical cancer. You know when you go to the gynecologist and get a pap smear? "Pap" as in "papillomavirus." They're checking for abnormal cells that may indicate you have pre-cancerous or cancerous cells on your cervix.
The only way to know that you have HPV is if you have genital warts, or you have an abnormal pap smear. There are many different strains of HPV, and only certain ones cause genital warts; other ones cause cervical cancer. Men and women can both get HPV; both can have genital warts. Genital warts are obnoxious, but pretty much harmless -- and treatable (you can have them frozen off by your doctor).
They are transmitted from skin-to-skin contact and they're outside of your body, so if you've got warts and you're getting laid, you're risking transmitting the wart-causing virus to your partner. We gals are the only ones who can get cervical cancer (obviously), so telling your partner is really your call. Here's the thing with HPV: Pretty much everyone has it. 80 percent of sexually active folks will have HPV at some point in their life. Most folks have, have had, or will have it, and women who go to the GYN every year (you're doing that, right? Right?) are much more likely to know their HPV status.
If you're going to feel like a flake if you know that you have or have had HPV and you don't tell your partner, then by all means, disclose away. But chances are that the guy you're getting down with has some strain of it, too. And if you tell him and he acts shocked or appalled or disgusted, make sure to let him know that he's probably got it too, and get outta there.
Moral of this story: Disclosing (or not) is your choice. Get regular pap smears, talk to your doc about getting the Gardasil vaccine if you haven't already, and don't sweat telling your status to every dude you sleep with.
Or read: "HPV Cost Me My Fertility"
Anna is
completing her master's in public health with a focus on sexuality and health at Columbia University. She has an extensive background in safer sex, HIV and STI prevention, and reproductive rights. She has worked with youth and women of all ages, with a focus on empowering others to take responsibility for and control of their emotional and sexual health. She received her undergraduate degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, where she created and implemented the now-annual Orgasm Awareness Day. Anna can be reached at Good in Bed.













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Tuesday 28 September
By pops
Are you kidding me? As a guy I'm letting you know that you better tell me!
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Tuesday 28 September
By WFT
Are you seriously suggesting that it's totally legit for someone to knowingly risk infecting her partner (and by extension, all of /his/ future partners) by withholding this information? Particularly in light of the fact that infection with this disease (as you yourself point out) can cause cervical cancer and infertility in women? Are you some kind of sociopath?
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Tuesday 28 September
By Alicia
While it may be mostly harmless, HPV is still an STI and genital warts are still warts. If you can prevent spreading that to your partner you should. Also, gotta agree with WFT (WTF?) that you're endangering their other partners, if you do pass on a strain that causes cervical cancer. Or even if they're carrying it. I firmly believe that men should have to be tested for HPV annually, too so they don't pass on possibly deadly strains to their partners. Granted, I also believe that boys should get the Gardisil vaccine and that STD testing should be part of one's yearly physical.
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Tuesday 28 September
By Anna Potter
You suggest that men be tested annually for HPV. This would be freakin' GREAT... if such a test existed. Unfortunately, there isn't a test for HPV, which (as Kimy mentioned) is part of the reason why pretty much everyone has it. This is why it's so important for women to get annual pap smears.
Tuesday 28 September
By Kimy
Last I heard, there was no HPV test developed for men, hence the ridiculous transmission rates.
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Tuesday 28 September
By christie caplinger
Um, actually, the term "Pap" smear is short for Papanicolau (the guy who came up with it). although, good mnemonic, I guess.
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Thursday 30 September
By Anna Potter
You're right that the "pap" is short for "Papanicolaou stain", after the guy who developed the pap smear, George Papanikolaou. Thanks for correcting that! I always explain that it sounds like papillomavirus and that's a good way to remember why we need to get them!
Tuesday 28 September
By Adriane
I completely agree with the points made by previous readers. It is irresponsible to send such a lax message about disclosure of an STI. If more people talked about it, there would be less stigma and more people protecting themselves, their partners and future partners. Granted, there are many complicated issues surrounding HPV (e.g. there is not yet a test for men, condoms do not offer protection of the skin surrounding the genitals, etc.). However, these are not reasons to keep partners out of the loop.
Further, HPV has been implicated in penile and anal cancers, so both men and women have an increased risk of cancer when infected with certain HPV strains.
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Tuesday 28 September
By Anna Potter
You're right that cancers associated with HPV can affect men as well. However, women are at much higher risk of developing cancer associated with HPV than are men. Each year in the US, as a result of HPV infection, about 12,000 women get cervical cancer, whereas only about 1,000 men get penile cancer, and 2,700 women and 1,700 men get anal cancer. (Source: CDC)
Wednesday 29 September
By deadgrlsprstr
ummm yes you definitely should tell ANYONE that you sleep with if you have an STI. I caught HPV from the man who eventually became my husband and it completely devastated my life for YEARS! He was someone I knew everything about, I knew he was clean, always used condoms with girls he wasn't in a relationship with and always got tested and had the girl get tested before he stopped using them with a new girlfriend(whoops condoms don't actually block the infection of HPV, they just reduce the risk), I knew he was tested regularly. OOPS There is no test to detect HPV in men...thanks a lot medical community! The kicker came when I was having a discussion with my mother in law about it and was told that his ex girlfriend knew she had it and she herself had known b/c she was in the room when the bitch got the phone call but had assumed that the girl had told him so never mentioned it to him. So yeah the girlfriend knew about it, decided to keep it to herself and my life was the one that was turned upside down, and I'm still living with the consequences of her decision to not own up to the fact that she was unfaithful and caught a disease.
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Wednesday 29 September
By Kate
Isn't the "Pap" in "Pap smear" short for Papanikolaou, the name of the dr. who developed the test, rather than "pap" as in "papilloma"?
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Wednesday 29 September
By Doranna
Seriously?? This "writer"/moron is getting a masters in Public Health? I suggest her article be forwarded to the university she is attending. They should withhold her degree until she takes at least three ethics classes....and passes them. What a shockingly irresponsible answer. Is she kidding?
Hey Lemondrop, do your readers a favor and kick this idiot to the curb. I see a lawsuit in your future when some other moron takes her advice and doesn't tell their partner about HPV, Herpes or AIDS because of this ridiculously wrong so-called "sex advice".
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Wednesday 29 September
By Anna Potter
Please do take note that this is an article about HPV only, not HIV, herpes, gonorrhea, or any other STI. Of course I HIGHLY suggest disclosing your STI status to any partners--it's actually technically illegal folks who have HIV not to tell their partners their status.
Wednesday 29 September
By Anna Potter
Oops--please excuse the typo: it's actually technically illegal FOR folks who have HIV not to tell their partners their status.
Wednesday 29 September
By lking4trbl
What rotten, immature and irresponsible advice! Of course you should tell your partner if you have a transmittable disease or condition. You should be using condoms anyway but at least have the courtesy to inform your partner of any risks associated with unprotected contact.
Geesh! Someone get this woman off the internet. People are irresponsible enough on their own without some blogging fool giving them the right to be more so.
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Friday 01 October
By Onna
Many of the commenters outraged at Anna's suggestion that informing the male partner of one's HPV status is a matter of personal preference probably have not considered the implications of a strict policy of disclosure.
Let's say you have HPV, for which, like for HSV 1 and 2 (the herpes virus), condoms do not offer full, foolproof protection. Let's say you let every potential sexual partner know about your cooties before you two go knockin' some boots. You further explain that you're never quite sure when you're contagious and that the virus in question could either lie dormant or cause periodic outbreaks. In case of HPV, your immune system is likely to overcome the virus in a few years. In case of HSV 1 and 2, the virus stays in your body forever. OK, now let me know how this disclosure affects your chances of dating and mating.
Now, even though with proper condom use HIV is highly preventable, I am not suggesting one keep one's HIV status to oneself. This is because HIV is a systemic virus that affects blood and saliva, meaning that unwitting partners could accidentally get infected via non-sexual pathways if they are not warned. And by all means let your potential lover you've got HSV (like 1 out of 3 people in the US). Vigilance about outbreaks, coupled with strict condom use and some hygiene adjustments (like having the guy wash up with soap & hot water right after condom-protected intercourse) do reduce transmittal rates.
But please understand that when you require full disclosure about HPV and HSV before any sexual encounter, you are essentially suggesting that people with STIs remove themselves from the total dating pool. The chances that a young man will stick around after "the disclosure" are not good at all. Some of the men that do stick around will always have the fear of infection in the back of their minds. That fear can be a real dampener on a guy's sex drive.
Societal hysteria surrounding what is essentially an occasional skin rash (HSV) or warts (HPV) drives some people with STIs to date only via personals sites geared toward people with STIs.
So imagine what all this would mean for a nineteen year old woman with HPV or HSV who has decades of mating disappointment to look forward to. Then judge or suggest a better alternative.
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Friday 08 October
By Disagree
You seem to have your logic backwards. Anyone who does not tell their partner they have an STD is the jerk - not the person who refuses to have sex with them. If I met someone and they told me they had herpes, I would not be a jerk for rejecting them.
I bet if this was a male writer, you would never tell him to keep his STD positive status a secret because it might blow his chances of getting laid. You would go on and on about how it is his responsibility to protect his partner and to get her full consent. Particularily when this virus is linked to various cancers.
Friday 08 October
By Disagree
A better alternative is to save sex for marriage - everyone may think that sounds crazy but it is the way things worked for millennia. It is only in the last forty years that this trend started where casual sex became normal and saving it for marriage become abnormal. The sad thing is that this generation is paying the price for the great deception - premarital sex has no consequences. It does have consequences and the consequences are more far reaching than just the individual. They are now society's problem.
The 19 year old girl who has HPV and now must disclose it to all of her future partners is an unfortunate but inevitable consequence of today's sexual immorality. Life isn't fair - get over it.
Thursday 30 September
By wb
The people on here commenting on miss potter negatively aren't correctly informed about this infection. HPV is the most common sti and there is NO way to avoid or prevent the infection other than abstinence or the recent vaccines. I agree if you have the strain that causes gw and have warts are present then you should disclose but if u HAD it and the warts aren't present for 6 months at least then you aren't obligated. The same for the cancer causing strain if you are a woman but men can't find out if they still have or even if they have it at all. Most people have or will get it, some show symptoms some don't but at the end of the day get vaccinated people! If you are against the vaccine, don't start crying when you or your kid gets it! Dr. Hansfield of the CDC says the same thing, look him up
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Thursday 30 September
By nic
are you kidding me ? so lets just make sure 100% of "sexually active folks" have HPV then ? what horrible and irresponsible advice ! HPV causes cancer in both men and women and also infertility and should be taken seriously. also the vaccine only covers the most common strains of HPV, not all the strains, so you still have to be cautious.
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