Jeanne Faulkner: The State of the World's Soccer Moms
Lucy Meadmore: Like a Virgin...
Who's in your fave five? Well, if you have a new flame, two of your besties aren't.
Children, pets, Don Draper and inanimate objects can also take up space in those five friendship slots. Wait, we're a little confused -- if you're married with three kids and a dog, does that mean you have no friends?
Just in case you were wondering, men are just as likely to choose to ditch their pals for their gals. Which is marginally refreshing, given the previously insurmountable bros-hos doctrine.
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Tuesday 21 September
By SadButTrue
This is absolutely true. My best friend cast me aside for a guy she was pursuing and it cost us our friendship. Years later we reconciled but i do wish that i had been more understanding with her. It really hurt my feelings though that no matter how much fun we were having, she was anxous to get back in case her guy called. Gals, just remember to try to make time for your (single) friends and if there are time constraints, maybe try group get togethers or s'thing! :)
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Tuesday 21 September
By Lou
Consider yourself lucky. My best friend threw me over to be a gf to my cousin, who I can't stand. It pushed us apart. Even though she's not dating him anymore, and is married to someone else, she has still refused any of my attempts of reconciliation. All I get is an icy slience.
Friday 24 September
By Stephanie
i personally think this is really quite sad. i understand as your life changes so do your friends, but friends should NOT be dumped for no reason better than 'i just am busier now'. when i was dating i made sure to make time for my friends and still do now married. but more than once have i had a so-called friend, barely even remember i exist when they start a romance. it's amazing people can be this way. LOSERS! if you're planning your wedding right now, i have to share this site i used for a lot of our ideas - Bing search " creative savings wedding day " - they not only have great suggestions for making the day exactly the way you want and not breaking the bank doing so, but they have a lot of wedding related FREEBIES as well!
Tuesday 21 September
By candid97
i have been on both sides of this thing. its more about friends understanding that since the friend has someone that they should expect that there will be less time for their friend to hang with them and in general. i noticed that my friends started having their relationship take prioriity and often cancelled or just didn't show up at all for lots of events. really put our friendship through the ringer. i fell in love and still made time for them. soon they broke up and expected me to be the shoulder they lean on and i was...until they did the same exact thing when they ended up with someone new. nowaday we don't hangout anymore and another friend that i had since i was single now basically hates my guts. i really think that friends should understand that the person may be busy now that they have someone new and the person in the relationship should learn to leave time for their friends. it is so much about everyone having an understanding and not an expectation.
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Tuesday 21 September
By MP
I don't mind if my ex wanted to have a few friends to hang out with, but why did he have to buy beer for the whole darn tribe? He never bothered to realize that I don't drink, btw! Now that I've dumped him, he has all the time in the world to hang with as many women as he desires. It's not my problem, anymore. Also, since we've parted ways (amicably) I've found a few new friends myself (0:
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Tuesday 21 September
By LST
If a person is a real friend they'll understand. But in most cases a friend will stab you in the back quicker than many enemies would.
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Tuesday 21 September
By Geri
Well, you know what they say: "If you understand that friends change, you don't ever have to change friends." It's all a matter of expectation. We all go through phases when we meet new people we find interesting or start a new romance, which takes a lot of time and energy when you are getting to know someone who may be a long-term mate option. It's perfectly normal, why get worked up? Give your friends room when they find new love, because eventually it will come down to The Golden Rule =)
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Tuesday 21 September
By calal
it's all real.get married.you can say good bye to your friend's.i no.she will keep her's but your are gone.now your a puppet.your life is over.
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Tuesday 21 September
By Donna
LST, you are so right. The friend, I call my best friend in the world, does understand. She and I grew up together since the 2nd grade. We know what each other is thinking some of the time. She had a new boy friend, and it took all of her time for the first year or so. I stepped back to give them the time they needed, and I understood the entire time they were getting to know each other. And she did the same for me when I met my husband to be. I cant imagine life with out my friend. Men come and go, but a friend like her, they come along once in a life time.
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Tuesday 21 September
By iviethodaurum
I got divorced in 93,been with her a long time and had a bud that was more like a brother I had known since 1 st grade.....one night at this mexican place I was waiting on some food and I saw him and his girlfriend come in.I said hey there dewayne and he looked at me like I was trash and walked on by.This is someone I had known for 20 years and I considered him a close friend.I had gone through my divorse and this was months later and I was out with a young lady just to eat.He never spoke to me again.......a*shole.
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Tuesday 21 September
By Sean
This is ridiculous...I’ve been together with my girlfriend for over 3 years, and I still have a strong connection to and hang out with all my friends. You make time for both, because they’re equally important. If you or your partner disagree, than (s)he’s not worth it.
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Tuesday 21 September
By Elsie
I don't agree with the article, you can be married, with kids and a dog/s and still have time for your friends and family. I still have a very strong connection with my friends. And we get together, at least once a month.
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Tuesday 21 September
By Donna
Any real friend would understand, and step aside for you.
If they dont, then their not the good friend you thought they were.
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Wednesday 22 September
By Martijn
Donna i think you hit the point, why should friends around you judge
That you're not able to have a friendship while you're in a moment of happinez. People can better stay by them self and keeping busy what they'll do in them life than in a other. Even friendship must be connected with live and let live !!
Regards Martijn
Tuesday 21 September
By onemoremin
So true!! My very best friend (or so I thought) of 14 years stopped speaking to me when she got divorced & met a guy. Through the grapevine, she says they're not dating. BALONEY!!
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Thursday 23 September
By OrdinaryWorld
I know exactly how all this goes. I had two friends do this simultaneously to me sophomore year of college. They acted like they wanted nothing to do with me after they found their "soulmates" and moved in with after only 3 months of dating. Neither of them are with these men anymore... SHOCKER. However, whenever they had arguements or problems with their relationship, I was always the number 1 gal pal on their call last and was always there to offer my help and assistance.... even offering my couch for a few nights here and there when they were kicked out by these men. After all this BS, I vowed never to do this to my friends when I got into a serious relationship. Now that I've been with the same man for almost 2 years now, I am proud to say that he still has his friends and I still have mine. What is great as well... our friends have become friends and we can hang out with whoever now! It's fantastic. I do not believe you have to lose friends when you enter a relationship. You should make time for your significant other and your friends.
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Monday 25 October
By A.S.H. Brown II
hey Donna,
I agree with most of what you're saying...but I really get a "nails on chalkboard" sensation when people say that "men/women come and go ...but good friends--".
That old wives saying. It isn't true--for everyone.
Here's my retort to that which is an absolute: Time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all.
Meaning Sh~t happens. Not everyone is promised the same things in life. Nor are we promised they will remain. When you find something that makes you "pay more attention" to and feel life, I say you hold onto it.
Some people really do value romantic relationships over friends. It doesn't mean they're bad people or don't care--its just what makes them feel more alive--at least they aren't necrophiliacs or kleptos. I strongly urge people to not get caught up in mindset that you have to over-compensate for being "that type" of person by spending every moment you can--more than you really should, with your friends while you destroy a budding relationship that could be equally or more important than your friendships. Because--just to flip that saying over--sometimes friends will always be there...but will a soul-shaking romance?
I've recently been on the receiving end of that sort of behavior...and I finally realized (and with help of this article and the subsequent comments) what about it really bothered me. It didn't make much sense to me, especially considering the gal "falling for" me sought me out was almost acting as if she was still "courting" her friends in a sense, instead of me, the person she was falling into romantically. The point I'm making is there is no point going into something romantic half-cocked. Why even bother? You're supposed to be "getting to know" someone, yet you're hardly with them, you "check in" and that's it. How are you going to learn anything about them and if you really want to go forward? What you do learn will be through a window tinted by your ignorance. You're wasting another person's time and affection (and god knows what else). Unless someone is just a serial dater...in which case, still, don't waste the time of someone who doesn't know they're in a casual relationship. Its cruel and heartless. It hurts.
Personally, I'd put more of my energy into my lover because typically if you invest in a good relationship it should be like having a best friend and a SO. I also don't have the greatest track record when it comes to friendships so I hardly have any reason to fully trust anyone calling themselves "friend". As far as I'm concerned though, love exists, its real and it can bind people together stronger than most friendships nowadays (my most loyal, honest -and- trustworthy friend passed away and there isn't one out there like him as far as I can see just yet)
Oftentimes, also, people cannot divide themselves up into so many partitions relationship wise...its often a social thing. Introversion versus Extroversion.
Some folks need social interaction all across the board or they will feel drained--and for some of us (such as myself) its quite the opposite. But understanding does go a long way. Like I said, I agree with you 95% ;]. Oh! and patience.
overall, I advise anyone single or dating, don't play that game or "the game". Hanging with your friends to either prove how in-demand you are (tactics to make someone pine for you), or even prove to your friends you aren't crushing-- if your friends are your friends, your happiness is theirs. Unless they are "frenemies". They WON'T necessarily care that you're cozying up to someone romantically so you can't do whatever you guys' routines are...that is unless you're spending every moment with them texting and/or talking to said person--that's just rude and immature, it'd bother anyone with an ounce of give-a-crap.
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Monday 25 October
By Jessica
I definitely have had friends who get a boyfriend and completely forget they have friends b/c they are so immersed in the new relationship. There are also people who get in a relationship and lose themselves. They suddenly like everything their b/f or g/f likes and hang out only with their friends or family. I think it's a delicate balance. People need to try to maintain their friendships while they're in a relationship b/c if they don't when the relationship fails they will find they have lost all of their friends and are all alone.
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