Lemondrop

Hungry for sex advice you can trust? Each week the resident sex experts at Good in Bed will answer your most pressing question. Go on, ask 'em anything.

Your Sex Question: I want to try dating a girl, but I am nervous about making the move. How do I show another lady I'm into her?

What Emily From Good in Bed Had to Say:
In very much the same way you show a gentleman you're into him: eye contact, smiling, unnecessary touching of arms or hands, showing interest in the things that interest her, and ultimately asking her out -- or saying yes if she asks you. Give her flowers or some other token of affection, like a book she mentioned or a food she said she loved. Mostly all the same rules apply, regardless of the gender of your object of affection.

You face a potential barrier in dating women if you never have before, because there's caution in the lesbian community about dilettante women who are just experimenting, playing around, or otherwise not serious about romantic connections with women. No one wants to get hurt in a relationship, and there's a fear that women who are "trying it out" might just be using the other woman. Justified or not, it's a real fear.

That means your approach should include both honesty about your inexperience and assurance that your attraction to her is genuine and not just some fling or experiment.

I kind of wish your question read, "There's this woman I really like, but I've never dated a girl before and I'm nervous about making the first move." When that is what's going on in your mind, that's when to start the flirting.


Emily Nagoski has a PhD in health behavior, with a concentration in human sexuality, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. Emily has taught courses in both human sexuality and marriage and family interaction. With more than a decade's experience as a sex educator, she brings insight and clarity to the often-perplexing, always-fascinating world of human sexuality. Emily is the author of the "Good in Bed Guide to Orally Pleasuring a Man" and the "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms." She can also be reached at her blog Sex Nerd.