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A North Carolina restaurant made waves last week when it stuck a sign up that read "Screaming Children Will NOT Be Tolerated."We weren't surprised that the Olde Salty's sign caused a bit of an uproar on the Internet. We can't say whether it's the same people who are mad that they can't bring babies into bars, but the whole ordeal smacks of familiarity.
Is this just another "parents who take their precious snowflakes everywhere and are so amazed by their verbal development" vs. "people who are nauseated at the site of tiny humans who need crayons with their place mats" scenario? Or are actual questions of social etiquette and common courtesy being raised in the debate?
Of course screaming children are not tolerated in a restaurant -- but is it really necessary to put up a sign saying as much? Or were so many people letting their kids run around like gibbons strung out on meth that this was actually a problem?
We want to know what happened to common decency on both sides. Parents should obviously teach their children to behave themselves in public before dragging them to a restaurant. But shouldn't a restaurant have enough respect for its clientele to politely ask parents of unruly kids to take their children outside to calm them down, rather than vilify them before any wrong has been done?
GAH. So many questions! Are we overreacting here? Let us know your take in the comments.
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Monday 13 September
By Carrie
I worked in a family restaurant for 3 years, and I can honestly say that working there made me hate children and never want to have my own. It was a huge point of contention with my boyfriend when we first started dating, as he loved kids.
I have had a couple of buffer years where I am just starting to warm up to kids again.
I say, leave the screaming kids at home. The future of procreation depends on it. :)
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Thursday 16 September
By Eva
Talk about birthcontrol... my now husband and I got married at a place where all they do is weddings (resortish type place) - after our wedding, on our wedding night, as soon as we got into the room and shut the door... a child came pounding down the hallway, stopped at our door, and starting pounding on it with all her might screaming "LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN!!!!! I WANT TO GO IN, LET ME IN!!!!" My husband looked at me, and almost in slow motion due to complete disbelief, walked over to the door and opened it, looked down really angrily and said, "I think you have the wrong room." The child's mom was standing there DOING NOTHING. The about 6 yr old kid looked up at my husband, mumbled something like "I want to go in." And he shut the door. She then proceeded to SCREAM bloody murder outside our door, pounding on it. Her mom starting saying in a sweet voice, "Now honey, that's not our room, we have to go... I'm going to leave without you...." while the kid kept screaming. By the way... we were in the "honeymoon suite." Why were there children running around??
We've been married for 3 years and are still using condems.
Monday 13 September
By Alicia
Yes, this is enough of a problem that there needs to be a debate. Every time I go out to eat, there are screaming kids and most restaurants are too afraid to ask their parents to take them outside. I understand that children have feelings and that yes, there are some children with challenges such as autism. However, isn't it better for both the children and the other patients if a trouble child is removed, allowed to come down and then brought back to the table. I love kids and I try to be understanding when there are crying kids in public, but it drives me mad when parents just sit there and ignore their child's behavior. If I'd done that as a kid (and I'm only 20) my mother would have (and did on a couple occasions) taken me outside until I stopped, would've scolded me and most certainly would've given me a sound slap on the rump when I got home.
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Monday 13 September
By Lori
I have worked at a resturant for four years, and I've seen my share of children crying and screaming, acting like spoiled brats and like the comment above, where parents will not do anything about it. I've seen parents let their children misbehave and letting them do disgusting things like licking the cheese shakers and spitting on the tables and the workers. The one thing that I cannot stand is parents getting drunk while the children start running around and attempt to enter the kitchen area and parents getting angry because you tell the kids to stay out and inform the parents to keep their children under control. (nicely I might add)
In conclusion, parents need to be parents. The restaurant employees are not the children's parents.If the kids can't handle behaving in public or the parents can't handle them, they need stay home.
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Monday 13 September
By Denise
I can see why the restaurant put the sign up. I've been to really nice restaurants that aren't exactly what I would call a family restaurant and people brought kids with them. One table had three little boys who screamed and threw stuff and the parents didn't do anything. I don't know if parents don't realize that the way their children act in public is a direct representation of how they've been raised. I would be embarrassed if my child was acting that way in a restaurant and I don't think any one else should have to hear a screaming child when their trying to eat. If you have to take your kids with you, go to a family friendly restaurant.
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Monday 13 September
By niaonik
I have three kids who are the epitome of adorable. That said, they can be three horrible douchebags. Why should a RESTAURANT have to tell a parent to take their screaming brat away from the rest of the patrons who are trying to eat (and some who may be there to get away from their own banshees from hell). When my husband and I do gather up the wherewithal to take our kids somewhere to feed, we 1) make sure it's an appropriate place, and 2) shoot them looks of death across the table to ensure they know that embarrassing us will result in a series of unfortunate events. (Which does not preclude immediate larynx removal. I kid, I kid--but they don't know that. They to this day think a gaping hole in their throat at Beaches is a very real possibility.) As I love food and love to eat, my spawn also know that if I have to leave the table and my meal, the gates of Hades will fly open and mommy may turn into Cerberus on the spot. All this has resulted in people approaching our table and remarking they didn't even know kids were at our table--and definitely not three of them. I guess what I'm saying is if you either don't have angels or haven't cowed your children into acting right in public, leave them at home. Or I will remove their larynx.
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Monday 13 September
By Alicia
You have no idea how much I adore you right now. I haven't laughed this hard all day.
Saturday 25 September
By oldcarrot
You are dead-on! I had two polar opposite kids 7 years apart in age. My oldest could go with to any public place and sit quietly and politely until we we left. We thought we were the best parents EVER! Our second one was a wild screaming baboon that needed constant reigning in. We took her to "family restaurants" and at the 1st sign of misbehavior (before she even had a chance to disturb anyone) she was hauled out the door and put in her car seat (her idea of torture) while one of us endured her screaming tantrum- she did not get to return to the restaurant or finish her meal. Sucked for the parent in the car with her, but after a few times of this we had a child that could sit through a meal in a restaurant and no one knew it had taken so much training to reach that point. Raising kids is work..hard work...and you give up a lot of stuff you like to get them to be decent, productive human beings. Mine are grown up now and they both are wonderful, compassionate, polite and respectful people.
Monday 13 September
By Crys
I have been out on several occasions where I witnessed children misbehaving, and I've also been in situations where I have taken children out who misbehaved. For people who have a sense of social tact, it's uncomfortable either way.
While I'm not a parent, in the instances that I've cared for an unruly child, the child was immediately removed from the situation before any attention was drawn. It is incredibly disrespectful of parents to allow, and sometimes ignore, their child's blatant cries for attention.
Had I behaved disrespectfully in public as a child, it would not have been tolerated. Which begs the question of what these parents are doing. Do they have no control? Do they not care? Do they expect the general public to tolerate these tantrums? It's a matter of bad, or possibly, lazy parenting.
Though it may have seemed to be poor etiquette on the part of this restaurant, I can't blame them for wanting to keep their clientele in check; especially for the sake of not driving away other patrons.
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Monday 13 September
By Lisa H
My parents always parked by the window of their favourite resturant and asked to be seated so they could see the car. If I misbehaved they had no intention of ruining their night or anyone elses, I would be marched to the car and made to sit in it while the rest of the world continued merrily without my tantrums. It only took once and then a pointed look out the window was more than enough to put me right back in line.
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Tuesday 14 September
By Supraja
Modern day children have more common sense than this particular hotelier in question.....REASON: Children know that they would be punished (from being grounded to losing the status of being their parents' eyes' apple) for misbehaving. so no need to put those stupid billboards..........................
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Tuesday 14 September
By Researcher
I don't mean to be unkind, but you probably have not worked in a restaurant, grocery store, movie theater, or other public place where kids act out. IF you have children of your own, you must be doing something right, or you are absolutely deaf to the tone of your own children's voices. I hope it was the former, not the latter.
Tuesday 14 September
By Researcher
When I was a teenager working as a cashier at a grocery store (and yes, it was before people were arrested for punishing their children in public), I recall seeing many a screaming nasty child. One day, a woman came in and had begun her shopping, but her 4 or 5 year old boy started throwing a tantrum. He was screaming and yelling and throwing himself on the floor. I was both angry at the mom (who appeared to not be paying any attention) and embarrassed for her. However, she rapidly became the hero to both me and every checker there, when she calmly walked around the cart, pulled him up by his hand, and soundly smacked his rear end twice. He was surprised. We were exstatic! He didn't yell after that. Kids just do what they figure they can get away with. They need consistency and real discipline.
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Wednesday 15 September
By Dawn
I really don't think this place meant to "vilify" anyone. And, I do believe this is a big enough problem that a sign is necessary. Honestly, I'd really love to see more places that serve the public (restaurants, shopping malls, ect) letting parents know that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated by their children.
Eating in restaurants is not right, it's a privilege.
If your children are well-behaved, excellent! No problem! Please, sit right down and enjoy yourselves, and depending on the ages of your children I will make cute faces and wave at them. If your children act like unholy little terrors, please see the sign and go elsewhere. I want to enjoy my meal in peace.
niaonik, parents like you give me hope for our future. Thank you for that.
Supraja, that may be true for kids like niaonik's, but a good number of "modern children" suffer from what my mother refers to as "needs-a-swift-kick-in-the-rear-itis". It's a very common, modern disease which effects children whose parents don't act like parents and let them run amok.
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Saturday 18 September
By UsuallyNotThatHard
Take your child out more, demonstrate proper behavior when correcting them, or remove them if possible until they are settled again, also discuss proper behavior in the home as being a part of the family and that should rub off when in public. My daughter hardly ever acted up in public as a small child. Some children have behavioral challenges, but they still can feel an understanding of demonstration and how to behave in public even at the age of 2 and up. Parenting is a MAJOR part of this issue.
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Sunday 19 September
By katej
Growing up my parents were big believers in the ol' "spare the rod, spoil the child." They really took this saying to heart. They never spared the rod, hand, belt, wooden spoon, paddle, fly swatter and pretty much anything in arms reach that could be swung easily and used to "correct" our actions. When we would go out in public for one reason or another sometimes it was hard to keep three loud children under control. For the most part, we were pretty well behaved. Sometimes though, chaos would erupt and my parents had a very clever way to contain it. They would look across the table with a very stern expression and then ask us "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Innocent sounding the the tables seated next to us but it struck fear in our little minds. We knew that there were no witnesses in the bathroom and not to mention loud hand dryers to muffle our cries after the spanking we were about to get. Usually that threat was enough to end whatever was going on and ensured a quite dinning experience for all. To this day I am still on edge whenever my mother asks if I want to go to the bathroom if were are out at the mall or something and I am 24.
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Saturday 25 September
By Shelby
I don't have kids and I don't like them. I don't go to kid oriented places and I resent it when parents bring them to mine. When kids act up in a restaurant where I choose to dine I ask the waiter to tally up my bill for what I consumed up to that point and I leave. I'm sick to death of parents spoiling the hell out of their little misconceptions and dumping them on the rest of society to put up with. If the sign doesn't work, how about a bouncer. By the way, I'm a retired restaurant owner and have had my share of unruly children and idiot parents.
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Saturday 25 September
By rl
The only sound parenting advice I ever received seems relevant here: Children want and need to please their parents (after all, they depend on them for everything from food and shelter to love); consequently, children only misbehave when they DO NOT KNOW HOW to please the parents. True, some screaming children may be developmentally incapable of behaving any better, in which case the parents should have known better than to plan a restaurant outing (or rectified their miscalculation immediately). More often, parents fail to teach their children ways to win the positive attention and approval that they truly do seek. Teaching children requires time, patience, intelligence, creativity and an informed sensitivity to each child's abilities and interests. Obviously, it's a lot easier for the parent to turn a deaf ear and order another margarita....
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Saturday 25 September
By virginia waters
TANTRUM THROWING CHILDREN SHOULD BE TAKEN OUTSIDE AND TOLD HOW THEY ARE TO ACT OR THEY WILL NEVER BE BROUGHT OUT AGAIN. I HAVE HAD DINNERS RUINTED BY YELLING SPOILED LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS AND BEEN TOLD "THIS IS A FAMILY RESTAURANT," TO WHICH MY LAWYER REPLIED, "iT'S A PUBLIC RESTAURANT, AND IF AN ADULT WERE BEHAVING IN SIMILAR MANNER WOULD BE LEFT TO THE MERCIES OF THE POLICE FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE." SO IF THE MATRE 'D WON'T DO ANYTHGING ABOUT IT LET THE MATRE 'D PAY YOUR BILL OR THE PARENTS WHO WON'T DISCIPLIEN THEIR UNRULY CHILD.
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Saturday 25 September
By Sassin
I have a 7 year old daughter and a 14 week old son. I have served tables since 1998 in various concepts, ranging from pizza places to casual eateries (babblebees, Tuby Bluesdays). When my daughter was almost 2, she embarrassed me so badly where I was working, acting like a fool, throwing food, etc. I made her, as a 2 yr old, pick up everything she had thrown on the floor, and then took her chair over to the corner, faced it towards the wall and left her in it until we had finished our meals. She has never misbehaved since. When we recently had our son, we went out to lunch to visit my friends which still work there. She remembers to this day, the night she sat in the corner at a restaurant and told me she's "going to warn my little bother," as she calls him, "to behave, or else mommy will make him sit in the corner too".
Oh and for Shelby...
unless you are referring to the restaurant you used to own, I'm sure you're old and difficult to deal with... your server probably doesn't want to handle your cackling and complaining. If you don't want to deal with kids "ruining" your dinner, I suggest you stay away from any restaurant that has a children's menu. They have every right to a nice dinner too, and how else do you expect them to learn...
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