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What do the notches on your bed post say about you?Not much, according to resident sex expert Emily Nagoski from Good in Bed. When a reader asked what a good number is for men and women of different ages, she turned the question around to ask: Why does it even matter? And should we really be basing our decision to sleep with other people on the sexual behavior of so-called "normal people"?
Absolutely not, says reader Meg: "I feel like people who are obsessed with the number of partners someone else has had are only concerned because it's how they make themselves feel better about their own sexual choices."
Ella agrees with this sentiment: "I've never understood the fascination with 'numbers' -- a person's own or those of other people. In fact, I don't know my boyfriend's number nor does he know mine. We've actually never even talked about the fact that we don't know each other's number. It just doesn't seem relevant."
But isn't the number of sexual partners we've had still sort of telling? MamaMischief argues, "I feel numbers are important because it tells us right off the bat if our values are the same. A girl with a low number and a guy with a high one (or vice versa) will most likely not have the same values (personal experience). I also noticed that men and women with high numbers have a universal problem; they don't seem to know how to take a relationship serious and/or are in and out of them constantly (cue Facebook relationship change and status 'all men suck')."
Tell us! What does a high or low number mean to you? And do you think partners should disclose their numbers to each other? Why or why not?
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Thursday 02 September
By jenniferstewart
no it doesn't matter too me at least the whole idea behind this is bogus and fake the entire thing with number's is crazy too me i had someone tell me once that i was slutty and lame and i was going too hell for being promiscous i told her that she was wrong as usual i she has never had sex with a man and told me men don't appeal too her i told her really then your gay no i'm mot men don't appeal too me i look'd then told her of course they don't your a mindless immature little twitard who will i repeat never have sex with you because your a moron i told her so their i hope my number's of seven or eight is abit of a standard for you so their
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Friday 03 September
By SarahDoesntSpeakForMe
While I agree with you that numbers don't mean anything, I am completely taken aback by your grammar, lack of punctuation, and spelling.
"i look'd then told her of course they don't your a mindless immature little twitard who will i repeat never have sex with you because your a moron i told her so their i hope my number's of seven or eight is abit of a standard for you so their"
Hi Kettle? Yeah, this is Pot....
Monday 06 September
By Erica
I think if someone asks, you should tell them. It's important to some people. There are more pressing matters than one's "number," but if it's important to your partner, you should just tell them. If it's not important to you, then you shouldn't feel ashamed to tell them.
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Monday 01 November
By Leigha
I somewhat agree with the idea that people with significantly different numbers can have different values. If one person has a low number because they will only have sex with people they care deeply about, and another has a high number from lots of random hookups, there's a pretty good chance that could be a problem.
Also, there's a matter of experience. I know I, having only been with one person, would feel incredibly awkward and inexperienced with someone who's been with a lot more. I know it's entirely possible that I've done more, but it would still make me uncomfortable.
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