Here at Lemondrop, we always thought it was a good idea to make nice at the office.You know, bring cupcakes, trade Excel tips freely, and babysit your co-worker's lucky bamboo while she's stuck at yet another wedding. Heck, here we're even each other's calorie keepers: Erin has to ask Julieanne every time she wants to indulge in her personal Kryptonite -- peanut butter -- on a bad day.
But now our friends at CareerBuilder say you should be wary of whom you befriend in the officeplace. While yes, a little congeniality with the right people can help your cause (and your career), there are downsides to getting cozy with you-know-who in the next cube.
"Who you associate yourself with in the workplace will also affect how your superiors and co-workers perceive you," Helen Cooke, owner of Cooke Consulting, told CareerBuilder. "We're all judged by the company we keep, for better or worse."
All too true. Once we stopped making lanyards long enough to think about it, we realized that there are certain, shall we say, less collegial "colleagues" we do try to give a wide berth. In no particular order of malevolence:
10. The Tattletale: Maybe she's a younger sibling, maybe she just needs attention, but she loves to point out things you've done wrong -- and not just to you. Note: Don't confuse this with the "straight talk" co-worker. She's the one who will sidle over, point out something that's amiss, then go back to her own damn business. To her, we're grateful. The tattletale, on the other hand, has H.R. on speed dial and a regrettable habit of faux memory loss in front of your boss: "Ohhh, I thought Susie toooold you she didn't get to the report because she had to leave early for her haircut," she'll trill, beady eyes gleaming. Trust us, while all of your superiors might think she smells like roses, we can spot a minx in cheap perfume at 20 paces from the coffeemaker.
9. The New Best Friend: First she'll ask to borrow your stapler. Then, before you know it, she's IMing you about your horoscope sign, relationship status and where you want to share a summer house. The New Best Friend, while sweet, is also dangerous in that she's a classic case of Too Much, Too Soon. This is the type you dismiss at a party with an "Oh, excuse me, where's the loo?" so why would you risk your reputation with her scary brand of boundary-blurring at work? 8. The Office "Feeder": Generally skinnier than your average gazelle, she's never without a box of doughnuts. Or Thin Mints. The thing about the feeder is, while she'll ply you with goodies, she, herself, rarely partakes. And while her food-pushing won't have deleterious effects on your career -- rather, the sugar rush might even make you more productive -- she can kill a diet. She also has her own secret ambition: "[Feeders] like to see others eating, because it reinforces their own sense of mastery and self-will," Susan Ringwood, chief executive of the eating disorders charity Beat, recently told the Daily Mail.

7. The Man Eater: This office Jezebel takes many forms -- from the eyelash-batting assistant to the creepy cougar boss -- but one thing never changes: She prefers men to women. While her tendency to hold court like a geisha is just plain annoying, the real reason we steer clear of this flirt-o-matic is slightly more sinister. She thrives on male attention, which means any woman on her turf is seen as competition. Tiresome, and so seventh grade, we know, but not only will she try to hair toss her way to the top, she'll trip you on your way up, too. Strategy: Compliment her many pencil skirts and make like a nun around her office husband.
6. The Idea Thief: While it's easy to believe that things like "A Bug's Life" and "Antz" appearing on Earth at the exact same time are a curious case of morphic resonance, savvy career girls know better. Especially if you've ever had the pleasure of toiling alongside an idea thief. Her tell-tale markings: wide eyes and sticky fingers. She's not averse to peering at your Post-Its, or leafing through your notebook after you've blithely left for the night. Of course, ideas are ideas, and you'll always have more, but the what-just-happened!? feeling she leaves you with is worse than any hangover. Besides, paranoia isn't pretty. 5. The Double Agent: Nobody is immune to the siren song of office gossip (and if you are, please excuse us for wearing our sunglasses indoors, but your halo is blinding us). Just bear in mind that the girl who's pinging you jokes about the receptionist's hangover is probably not going to be very discreet when you confess that your emails with a cute vendor have taken a turn for the flirty. Bottom line: Play it close to the vest with your local office dirt-disher, lest ye be dished upon to the wrong manager.
4. The Black Cloud: Sure, complaining about work can be downright therapeutic, but there are limits. (Just ask all your loved ones who are sick of hearing about the terrible scourge of fridge overcrowding.) A co-worker who thinks of her cube as a Siberian prison camp is a perk when you need to commiserate about the occasional office inanity, but she's generally not the greatest person to align yourself with. Not only may your superiors automatically lump you into Camp Bad Attitude, you'll probably end up picking up her misery by osmosis.
3. The Cheerleader: Whether she's organizing an office canned-goods drive for shelter dogs or guilting you into hitting after-work birthday drinks for the I.T. guy you've never met, the office do-gooder can be as detrimental to your morale as the Black Cloud. She's enthusiastic about EVERYTHING (as evidenced by her constant, emoticon-filled reply-all emails), which often makes you wonder what the hell she's so happy about. Be polite to this walking ice-cream cake, but don't get too close, or you'll end up co-chairing every silly H.R. committee she's on (which is every single one).
2. The Nutritionist: This is the co-worker who's all "fat talk" all the time. She never partakes in birthday cake because she still
"soooooo full" from lunch (spinach salad, no dressing). But the truth is, she's rarely full of anything except helpful advice about how the rest of you can lose weight. ("Try eating five small meals a day!") She knows the calorie count of pretty much every food and will happily tell you how long it's going to take you to burn off your afternoon snack at the gym ... where's she's already been today, incidentally. Twice. 1. The Milton Waddams: Sure, the token lunatic can make great fodder for happy hour gossip and the anonymous blog you keep about your madcap office. But the weird, old sweater-set lady who hands out creepy religious tracts or the disgruntled guy who rambles about his hacker friend who could take down the whole company with a simple computer virus are genuinely to be avoided. You don't want to get on the bad side of an unstable co-worker, obvs, but you also don't want them to think of you as a partner in crazy. Keep them at arm's length. Like, Shaq's arm's length.
The Lemondrop staff is proud to work in an officeplace with nary a woman on this list. No, really, you can ask them.
Have you crossed paths with a co-worker you'd rather not "friend"? If so, please share her type in the comments. Oh, and, while you're reading: Here are two ways women can get ahead in the workplace.













Comments:
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Tuesday 07 September
By Valerie
I loved the article and met most of these people! Especially when I worked in an a female environment. It may have been geared towards women and men can be just as bad, but for the most part, at least in my line of work, men just don't really get involved in the office BS, the women do. I didn't see any anit-social skills regarding the author, it was pretty damn funny. I think the people who complained about the author are probably the ones that were written about. Bravo to the author... HILARIOUS!!!
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Tuesday 07 September
By Julia
When I talk with anyone about work place issues regarding individuals this is my first response
'No one ever gets out of high school' Everything that is in this article plus more are the same people that you were in high school with, only the location has changed and the people, but the individual traits seem to carry on. Think about it - can you name a high school person with any of the above traits ?
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Tuesday 07 September
By Donuts
The writer of this must be on a diet and very paranoid about food..some people like to bring food {cookies, donuts, etc} because they enjoy cooking/baking or sharing food...not because they get some sort of odd satisfaction from watching you stuff yourself >.>
Not everyone is out to make you fat...just eat one cookie and move on.
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Friday 10 September
By speech
How about brown- nosers and rumor -starters?
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Friday 10 September
By speech
I hate the type that constantly complains about working conditions and then says nothing at meetings and then complains afterwards - makes me sick!!!!!
Tuesday 07 September
By not a snob
Snobs are so silly. Maybe it is good to just befriend people, instead of being paranoid about who is going to bring you down. Women have a hard enough time in the workplace, without other women here to take us down. And men can be just like any of these women also, gender bias much?
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Tuesday 07 September
By kyle
i don't have to worry about avoiding these ten co-workers, 'cause i was fired, ousted, let go, canned, booted, given the pink slip, terminated, discharged from my miserable "black cloud" of a job, even though i tried to be a "cheerleader" as my "tattletale" kelli ("ramona" on "real housewives of nyc") and "double agent" trent reported my so-called errors to my "idea thief" oscar johns.
lemondrop staff, do i get a gold star for using some of your labels?
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Tuesday 07 September
By cblogical
All you whinney self serving complainers..God help you, Be thankful for your job
and try to have a little humility and less arrogance. To all you anal perfectionist
who have to have things oh so perfect all the time try to get a clue that it might be you. This just seems to be the generation of cry babyies and fingerpointing,
defensive snods..buckup
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Tuesday 07 September
By SacWriterEditor
Beware the Overtime Avoider! She'll dump all her overtime on you, and at her worst, she'll skip out Friday night telling her boss "Jane said she'd come in tomorrow to do my work", so that you're the one who gets in trouble when the work isn't done, because she somehow managed to forget to tell YOU that she's dumping the OT.
I often found myself working 3 weekends a month because of people like this -- they were out sailing or partying while I did their work for them. And while I certainly did not mind the extra money (some months it was the equivalent of an entire extra paycheck), there were times when I stayed up late Friday, planning to sleep in on Saturday, and was awakened at 8 AM with "where the heck are you? You're supposed to be working Lazy Lacy's OT!" which was the first I'd heard about it.
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Tuesday 07 September
By Onna
I have the biggest tattletale at work, she is also a miserable, unhappy person, who pats you on the back looking for a place to stab you. The company has gone through numberous employees due to her "ways" the worse part she is the office manager. Go figure she RUNS all the way up!
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Tuesday 07 September
By JoyLou
Gosh, some of you need to get a sense of humor. Excellent article. I've worked with every Number described .... plus a few. That's real life. :)
The author? Funny, articulate, intuitive. Great job.
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Tuesday 07 September
By KIrby Waite
I never thought while I was reading this very amusing piece that any of the types you mentioned were exclusively female. I've met every one of the male counterparts. So, I don't really think the disclaimer at the end was necessary unless you feel you have to defend yourself from criticism prophylactically.
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Tuesday 07 September
By Cpskiss@
To successfully avoid the office types mentioned in this article, start your own business or don't go to work at all.
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Tuesday 07 September
By SacWriterEditor
How to "fix" The Gossip ... we had one who not only told everything she heard but embellished in the retelling. We finally set her up -- we knew her first stop in the morning was the coffee room, so we were in there waiting. As we heard A coming, B wailed to me "I'm pregnant, and I don't know who the father is!" By lunchtime, word had gotten throughout the office that B was pregnant with twins and the BigBoss was the father. When we pointed out there were only 3 people who knew about the pregnancy, A tried to put the blame for spreading the rumor on me. Well, obviously, since I knew for a fact that B wasn't pregnant, I wasn't going to spread what I knew was a false rumor. Anyway, we said nothing about twins, and said the father was unknown, not that the father was the BigBoss, so we had no idea where she got that information from. We couldn't get her fired, but we could make sure that everyone knew how much she added to whatever she may have heard to make the rumors she spread even more dramatic and destructive.
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Tuesday 07 September
By LittleLamb1999
I have had all of the above but I'd like to add one that I've encountered a lot and that is the Gossipy Matchmaker. This is the overly friendly girl who saunters over to you soon after starting a job and enquires about your family and your life goals and finally your relationship status. Then she makes an agenda to match you up with a male coworker of your choosing. Saying that you "don't date men from work" will get you a blank stare of confusion. She'll likely get others to gang up on you and embarrass you about prospective new boyfriend which impacts your job performance. Soon you find that refusal to participate in the matchmaking attempt gets a ton of mean-hearted rumors that somehow get you branded as either a prude or a lesbian.
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Wednesday 08 September
By alexandria
im a woman an this is true. women are bitches an tend to be the worst kind a people. trust me, i work at a womens clothing store ironically young adults and teens and men are the nicest customers we get. i think everyone else is goin through menopause. they are horrible people, a good percent of them at least. I.E. we couldnt let a customer use our bathroom because we just recieved shipment in the back (even though there was a wal-mart not 2 minutes w/i walking distance) who then turned around, asked to go into a fitting room to try clothes on and upon her walking out the store (w/o buying anything) we checked the fitting rooms and found that she pissed right in the middle. if you still think im unreasonable w/ my hatered for the female race (though i am female) feel free to ask me and ill fill you in w/ more delightful stories
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Tuesday 07 September
By Judy
Where's the one who only laughs when someone else does something dumb? He/she absolutely cannot (or will not) laugh at their own dumb stuff. In fact, the only time they laugh is when 'putting down' or criticizing someone else. ( Can you say sister-in-law??)
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Tuesday 07 September
By shorty
Now that I'm the boss of my own company, when I find people insulting, they find they are out of a job! If you work in a small company, you should always appreciate that people are PAYING you. Pay small compliments and let your boss know that you enjoy working for her and cashing her checks. Leave the narcissist at home. Everyday is an interview in this economy.
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Tuesday 07 September
By Onna
I work woth the biggest tattletail there is, she is the most unhappy, miserable person. She will pat you on the back looking for a place to stab you. The company has gone through more employees due to her "ways" and the worse thing, she is the Office Manager so she RUNS all the way up WARNING CO-WORKERS BEWARE!
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Tuesday 07 September
By the complainer
you should have a category for the group of women who congregate in the office to b*tch about their lack of space compared to previous years in our school due to budget cuts. I just want to scream, "At least you have a job and if you don't want it someone else would and would probably be happier than you ever will" - the worst thing is we are all in the same office and I leave because they complain loudly with the door hanging wide open while the parents, students, and staff walk by and I don't want the principal walking in there because he may overhear something and be associated with the "whiners" - ugh it is pretty bad, sounds bad, looks bad. I want no part - I am very happy to even have a job - even if I am stuck with a bunch of really big babies.
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