Lemondrop

Hey Internets,

I'm sorry about not posting last week. Don't cry. It was rough, but we're here now, in this TV-watching thing together. So, let's talk about "Mad Men," eh? This week was filled with irony, twists, trysts and Peggy one-upping Playboy. Let's cap it.

I'm Here About the Monster.com Ad
We open with Don Draper and Peggy interviewing a prospective employee, Danny. Job interviews are terrifying, but more so when you seem to only have one tag line, and are a complete bumblenut. Peggy and Double D are not impressed, despite the kiddo's connections to Roger. And then Peggy says something we've all thought: It's a relief to see someone who's worse than her. Truth. Nothing makes me feel like an Employee of the Month quicker than being faced with a midget (homeboy was short, y'all) with an inflated sense of self-confidence. Then "Mad Men" takes a meta-twist, on the night of the Emmys, Don Draper is up for an award! A Madame Clio ESP award, for excellence in stealing Peggy's advertising ideas from her brain and taking credit.

A scotch on the rocks and a meal from wherever Don's secretary says is good to eat around here

Memoirs of a Geisha
For some reason Roger is writing an autobiography. It seems to be about child-safe vanilla ice cream and Laurel and Hardy, and all sorts of things I'd like to have read to me about nightly by a nude Roger Sterling. Don and Roger gab about the midge, who's, of course, Jane's cousin. Then Garth and Wayne step in to take Roger into a flashback. In the past, Don is even hotter because he's sort of poor. He's using his untainted gumption to sell Roger a fur coat, and to casually network and mention his budding advertising skills. Roger could care less. Why is Roger buying a mink stole? To give it to PETA-hater Joanie, of course! Young Joanie and Roger are mugging down in the hotel room when Roger finds that Don slipped his portfolio (a Play-Doh ad he must have drawn himself) into the fur package for Roger's consideration. Way to get your foot in the door, Don! But, stop sending Roger LinkedIn requests, OK? It's not gonna happen.

Drink vodka while wearing a fur coat and nothing else
It's An Honor Just To Be Nominated
At the award show, Ryan Seacrest asks Don what he's wearing, but he's too distracted by his arch-nemesis, Ted, who is there with a fake general he rented for the occasion, because Matthew Weiner wants to remind us that this guy is awful. Roger's being a tad insolent, which is problematic because he's not even that drunk yet. Then, Pete has an awkward run in with his own archenemy -- Ken Grosgrove. The Grove is there with a client from Birdseye -- and damn if Mr. Pea doesn't let a bomb drop, something about "the old band getting back together." BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Pete is befuddled and destroyed. Also destroyed: Duck, who is there wasted and heckling the MC (who is Victor Kiriakis from "Days of Our Lives!" and Jen Aniston's dad, thanks comments). He gets kicked out and goes out to release hounds into the street, missing the presentation of the best actress award. In one of those just-perfect "Mad Men" moments, Joanie and Roger hold hands under the table. And then Don is nervous, so Joanie holds his hand, too. Of course they win (the Clio, and the Emmys), because duh. But there's not much time to celebrate. There are Life Cereal clients back at the office waiting to be impressed, so like all gracious award show recipients, the Sterling Cooper Draper Price team takes a drink and skips the awards they don't care about.

Champagne, champagne, champagne ...

Little Kid, Big Bowl, Big Spoon
At the office, you can tell Don's drunk because his hair is a disaster. He bumbles through the pitch, doing the beer burps and letting no one else talk. He babbles about what Life tastes like and how sad childhood is and how that's, like, bitter breakfast or something. But the breakfast folks aren't buying it -- it's too Alanis Morrisette ironic (don't you think?), and most dumb folks won't understand (probably because they had nice childhoods). Don spitballs at them, until he hits on an entirely original idea that he stole from the guy he interviewed that morning: "Life, the cure for the common breakfast." Peggy is obviously displeased, and when she goes to confront Drunk Draper he banishes her to a lock-in with the new creative director she hates (we'll circle back to him in a second). Don frolics off to drink more and revel in his success.

Build a base with some Life cereal , you're wasted

Is That a Pencil or ...?
This episode we're introduced to a new creative director, a charming asshole whose greatest accomplishment seems to be directing an un-aired, Klan-related commercial and/or being the first person to wear a blazer over a polo shirt. Peggy and Stan aren't getting along. He's too busy killing ladies and telling Peggy she's a frosty bitch who isn't liberated. Don's really busting Peg's balls about writing a cough drop ad with the Stanimal, and in a fit of drunken genius he forces the pair to share a hotel room together for the weekend to work. After not working and seeing Stan gawk at a Playboy for a while, Peggy decides to call his bluff with her muff -- I mean, boobs. She drops trou to see if this helps him work harder -- which it does, but not in the proper respects. We were terrified this was going to turn into some sort of Stockholm Syndrome sex, but after a while she gets him to squirm back into his not-so-tightie whites. Stan presents her with the prize for the smuggest bitch in the world, and a usable ad for cough drops. Peggy always wins! (See this from last week).

Drink a vodka martini and put your pants on

Then After the Show is the After-Party ...
At the after-party all is fun and games. Roger is a waste case and being even more insolent than he was mere moments ago. Don goes to hit on focus-group Faye, telling her she smells good (i.e., not like the bottom of a Canadian Mist bottle), to which she responds with a choice, "Is that right?" and rebuffs him. This gal's got a New York accent! She won't be easily bedded! In other non-sex news, It seems the Roger/Joanie hand-holding was a precursor to nothing because Joanie tells him, "You've crossed the border from lubricated to morose," and leaves. Roger stares wistfully at Don, who's moved on to another babe at the bar. He goes into another flashback where cute Don stalks him to the office to beg for a job again. Don begs him to take Roger to drinks, even though it's morning, and the pair share a very drunken 10 in the morning Festivus of martinis and mentoring. Oh, the times.

A bowl of olives hidden in three martinis


Pistol Pete
Meanwhile, back to the future: Pete asks Lane what good old Cosgrove was gabbing about. Lane admits they are trying to get Kenny back to SCDP. Pete is furious, but Lane, being the sweet-talker he is, convinces him to be only marginally angry. It's not that Pete's no good at his job, it's just that they need Kenny "I've-been-published-in-The-Atlantic" C to do Roger's job, since Roger is now a drunken child. Pete decides to try to make it all look like his idea by inviting The Grove to the conference room and awkwardly/adorably attempting to lean back casually while telling Kenny they could work together. The Grove doesn't buy it exactly, but, no matter -- we're back watching these kids try to outdo each other, and we love it.

Vodka tonic

Grenade-Free Zone
In an amazing piece of time-lapse cinema we see Don getting a blowie from the ad lady and then what initially appears to be the next morning. But no dice. It's Sunday and Don's forgotten to pick up the kids because he's in bed with a.. let's call her a non-looker. See, Don always tips his waitress, or so we find out, because he's in bed with Doris from the diner. Don quickly tells her she's got to get back to the counter and passes out in a shame nap. Peggy comes over, to bust Don's balls for stealing the kid's tag-line, but Don's mind is an empty vessel. All of his drunken deeds are coming back to haunt him, but he recalls nada. He doesn't remember locking Peggy in a hotel room, or stealing that midget's idea, or how many French fries he ate before he showed Doris that the customer is always right. He attempts to make good by paying off (and then ultimately hiring) Lollipop Guild member Danny. Then Roger gives him another nugget from the blackout: the CLIO award Don drunkenly lost at the Pen and the Pencil. Don is forced to bow down before the Silver Fox. Then in our last flashback a revelation: Roger hired Don drunk at that breakfast drink-athon. This entire episode was like a entire O. Henry twist of fate. Don has become Roger. Both are drinking themselves into decisions and being smug. However, I'm not convinced Midget Danny will turn into Don Draper, but time shall tell.

Enough dirty martinis to employ Don Draper

What'd you think, guys? This one felt a bit frothy to me, if not horrifically sad because Don is falling apart. Did you watch or were you too distracted by the Emmys and January Jones' unkempt hair? Why doesn't she want to look pretty in real life?