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Long, long ago, when there were only two kinds of Coke and nobody knew what a Kardashian was, buying a card for someone you loved was simple. You browsed the options for a few minutes before quickly selecting some generic creation, probably one with raised letters on the front that felt like really frilly braille.

These days, card acquisition is a lot more complicated. Walk into any convenience store, supermarket, or niche-y gift shop near you, and you'll find shelves brimming with electronic cards that play the Hallelujah Chorus, cards you can customize with your own photos, and cards stuffed with gift certificates to Applebee's or Subway. You can get a note celebrating nearly any occasion, from National Boss Day (it's October 16 -- mark your calendars) to Tu B'Shvat, aka Jewish Arbor Day.

But recently, walking down a card aisle near us, we noticed an interesting trend: If you closely examine the mammoth birthday-card selection on display, you'll see that a dude looking to give his wife a card -- any card -- will be swimming in options, while a woman hunting for just the right sentiment to fete her "Dear husband, on this special day" will be utterly out of luck.

That's because, much of the time, the cards-for-husbands section of the store looks like a Soviet-era communist grocery store, ravaged to the point where all that's left are cards with religious imagery and/or blocks of sappy text in Comic Sans. By contrast, the aisles seem to be brimming with ripe, unpicked Cards For Wives.

Don't believe me? Check out a card-carrying store in your neighborhood. We examined three different places, and while our sample size was admittedly limited, at every spot we surveyed -- a Safeway, a CVS and a chi-chi gift store, all in downtown D.C. -- the greeting card gender divide was readily apparent.

While no card company -- we called two -- would divulge just how many cards it sold to women versus men (think about it: They don't want to discourage the last two guys on Earth who buy extraneous paper products without ultimatums), what they're producing more of might tip you off to who buys cards, and why.

In June, Hallmark introduced its "Girlfriends" collection, a line of cards marking occasions in women's lives both big and barely worthy of a status update. To wit:

"The Girlfriends Collection addresses a variety of real-life situations, ranging from life's celebratory moments such as birthdays, happy hours and personal achievements), to the challenging situations women face (including relationship issues, illnesses, divorce ...)"
Right -- the divorce card. When this burst on the scene, we'll never know. Did it pre-date, or was it spawned by, the divorce party? Either way, there's also a serious gender disparity evident here. For those of you who are scratching your heads right now: Yes, companies do actually manufacture greeting cards meant to be given to someone who's just survived divorce. Or, to be more specific, greeting cards meant to be given to a woman who has.

All of the divorce cards currently on the market seem to be variations on the same "You go, girl!" theme. Call it "Under the Tuscan Sun," the papyrus version. Example: a Hallmark card that pictures a lioness on the outside and, upon opening, reads "Back on the prowl!"

As far as we could see, though, there aren't really any similarly celebratory cards targeting men. After doing some digging online, the closest thing we could find to a male-friendly divorce card was a rather sober one featuring stark white letters on a plain black background. "I heard you were single again ..." it reads. Inside, it continues, "I can't say I'm surprised."

This, in comparison, is the Stiff Upper Lip of pulpy support. And maybe that's the secret: Genders deal with emotional upheaval differently, and our greeting cards reflect that back to us. Or, are the cards subtly promoting stereotypes?

The divorce card phenomenon, especially, reminds us of this Double X article, which analyzes how recent movies about female divorcees always focus on how women liberate themselves by kicking no-good men to the curb. Getting rid of a bad guy, according to movies like "Eat, Pray, Love," will lead to self-discovery, travel to exotic lands and, eventually, a new, nicer guy.

Divorce cards exclusively for ladies only serve to shore up this notion. But since a similar cliché doesn't exist for men, nobody makes divorce cards for them. And because guys aren't expected to be as thoughtful as women, they feel free to ignore the reams of "Happy Birthday, Wifey" cards peeking coyly from their pale-pink envelopes.

Which may be why the sentiment marketers of the world bank on the old 80/20 rule: They do know that "women are often responsible for many purchase decisions in a household," says Sarah Koleil, a spokesperson for Hallmark. Especially those designed to cater to our ever-changing rainbow of emotions.

Her company has found "that consumers, women and moms in particular, wanted more cards that address life situations -- including illness, breakup and the challenges of motherhood," with humor.

So, it seems, greeting card corporations are just trying to give their customers what we want, and men, apparently, are not in on the joke.


Hillary Busis has written for The Wall Street Journal online, Slate, AOL Television and CollegeCandy. She blogs here.