Last week The New York Times covered what it really means for you to be 20-something in 2010, coining a new life stage called "emerging adulthood."What, you might wonder, is an "emerging adult"? Well, The Times said, you 20-somethings today look a bit different from the 20-somethings who came before you. You're not hitting the usual life markers (college, job, marriage, mini-mes) in a traditional order. Or on time. Read: when your parents did.
Overall, they concluded, 20-somethings have a certain "failure to launch": You're moving back home, taking your sweet time choosing a career, and marrying years later than Americans ever have.
But is that bad -- or just life as we live it today?
We asked Lemondrop readers for the truth about what the decade between 20 and 30 means to them, and over 1,000 of you told us.
Jessie Rosen, 27, gave us her response in essay form: Dear NY Times, Here's Why I Haven't "Grown Up." Love, a 20-Something. Many of you willingly spilled your guts. For a no-holds-barred look into the secret fears of 20-somethings, click here.
Below we report our findings on 20-something life: how many of you live at home, how many of you are married, and how many have live-in lovahs. Read on!
Love and Marriage: Is Living Together the New "I Do"?
What The Times got right: You're getting married older. The average age of marriage, they report, is now 28 for men, 26 for women. In our findings, only 13 percent of 20-somethings were married. And here's how the rest of you are faring: The NYT didn't really address the romantic concerns of singletons.-- 28% are having a hard time meeting Mr. Good Enough, let alone Mr. Right: You described yourselves as "perpetually single."
-- 19% are currently dating.
-- 38% are currently in a relationship; of those, 28% currently live with their significant others.
-- 13% are married.
-- A scant 2% are divorced.

Friends and Lovers: Where (and With Whom) You're Living
Two-thirds of 20-somethings spend at least some time cohabiting, said The Times. What we found: Living in sin is rampant. As is moving home. In fact, an equal number of you live with your parents as with a live-in lover. -- 28% of 20-somethings are currently living with their parents.
-- 28% are living with a significant other.
-- 26% said they live with a roommate or roommates.
-- 18% currently live alone.

I Haul, U-Haul: How Often You Move
According to The Times, one-third of people in their 20s move to a new address every year. What we found: Indeed, you're rarely living without cardboard.-- The average 20-something has changed addresses five times this decade.
-- Fewer than one in five of you (16 percent) have only moved once; only about a quarter (26 percent) have moved once or twice.
-- More than three-quarters (78 percent) have moved at least six times.

To MBA or Not to MBA: When to Be Done With School?
The Times didn't report on your education levels, but we found you a highly educated, highly motivated bunch, with over 1 in 4 considering grad school. -- 4% of 20-somethings' highest education is a high school degree.
-- 34% are currently in college or have completed a two-year degree.
-- 41% are college graduates; of those, a quarter are considering going on to get a grad degree.
-- 21% had completed grad school.

And when it comes to your dream job, you're not inclined to settle and just stay put: The average 20-something has already had six jobs this decade; more than half (57 percent) have already had five or fewer.













Comments:
Add a comment
Wednesday 25 August
By Eileen
Everyone needs to be very careful before going into debt with student loans. Many college graduates today are saddled with high student loan debt but cannot find good-paying jobs in order to pay off the loans in a reasonable period of time. DO NOT FALL INTO THE STUDENT LOAN TRAP. Find as much grant and scholarship money as possible; work part-time in order to pay as much as possible as you go; be smart or you will be paying on student loans most of your adult working life.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Chris
I am 52 and have looked at the responses from the 20 something year olds. I see some similarities in the way people my age would have responded thirty years ago. The marriage rate for people in their 20s, however, seems much lower than the marriage rate that we had at that age. The biggest difference, I think, is that in the early to mid 1980's the act of struggling whle you were on your way to making it in your career was glorified. People seemed to accept that things would not come easy and you would really have to bust you butt to make it happen in your life. I recall many people working long and hard hours like dogs and happy to do it because they felt that it was a means to an end. I don't see that today with young people. Many seem to think that they should go right to the top without paying their dues.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Scott
I think a few of you commenting need a little reality check: just because you did it a certain way does not by any means make it the ONLY way. I'm sure there are those who use college as an excuse to live at home, but I think you're just lumping all 20 somethings with those bad apples based on what I've read. This whole "failure to launch" view is a bunch of crap along with this whole getting things done "on time" whine.
Do things at your own pace and do what ever makes you happy, not what others want you to do.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By DrBlazer
For everyone that keeps saying, "get off your butt and get a job, " and, "move out of your parents' house." Why don't you quit your job, and try to find a new job, but you have to use the resume that a new college grad has; a bachelor's degree, no qualified prior work experience (nobody hiring for a big business job considers menial jobs, such as waiting or working in a supermarket, as experience). Then let me know if you can find a job, in this economy, that pays enough to cover your student loans, rent, car, car insurance, health insurance, power bill, home & cell phone bills, etc, etc, etc. I live on my own and can barely keep my head above water, but what is wrong with living at home when you're 23 years old. I think that is good, it helps the closeness of the family. Look at the rest of the world (I'm saying this as a generalization, not as an all encompassing), what do they have that we don't? A close, tight-knit family, that is what. Italians, Brazilians, Spaniards, and every other country I have visited in my life all have much closer family bonds. It makes me sad, luckily I have a great family and we are very close, because that is the big difference between now and 50 years ago.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By DrBlazer
I love the people/hypocrites that keep calling these 20 somethings "whiners" and say things like, "...quit whining and get off your butt and find a job." I love when people tell others to quit whining, by whining themselves. I guess in their minds, whining about others whining isn't hypocritical.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By mother-of-9
Sigh....First of all....this article is just to give an idea about the living habits of the 20's people. It does indicate a certain trend. But, as many have said...that trend has been (and will be) present (as well as the future).
I am a mother of 9 children...many of who are 18 and older (27). I also still have young children at home (youngest is only 6). But I do have a 22 yr old daughter still at home...she is disabled and cannot live on her own (which many people do not take into consideration).
I remember when I was young like my youngest...and I have 5 siblings and only 1 of them younger than I.
All of my siblings have at one time or another room-mates or live in lovers except for 1. ........The youngest of my 2 brothers...he went into the military but ended up injured and discharged....since then he has lived with my parents (my mom recently passed away) and he has been a godsend for them and my father since. I live 800 miles away (my husband is military) and cannot help as he does.
But that is just an example of how "my generation" can be. They have their problems and difficulties just as today's generation does. But they have their strengths as well...just as the "young adults" of today does.
You CANNOT generalize as the article does. I was raised in the mid-west in a large town but no where near as big as New York. Currently I live in a small town area in the south.
I do however see an alarming rate of "young adults" (my term for 18-25 yr olds) that are NOT self suffiencent and ARE NOT trying to go to school or better themselves.
They stay at home with the parents until they get kicked out for not contributing to the house (chores, job, etc.) They figure they got through high school so now is the time to "HAVE FUN IN LIFE" . I see this all the time with my friends and even my kids (when they get kicked out of mom's house they move from friends homes to friends homes cause they do not try to get a job or go to school....)
Whenever you try to do "surveys" you are implying a general concensus. You just cannot do that with todays world. There are too many variables to take in account.
By the way...."when I was growing up".......should be a phrase that all generations actually listen to and try to learn from...it is just that most people tune it out because they dont think it applies to the present.
I also see the other side...those who are trying (and willing to try) just about any job to get by. They are the ones we should focus on...not on the ones who are just being bums because they are lazy.
It all starts with the parents and how they raise their children...then it continues with the friends they have and the type of influences they have. Every day people influence each other (good or bad). So please don't say that it is the parents' fault for the way the children were raised..they have the ultimate influence...but not the guaranteed outcome.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By ali
As a 22 yr old I can tell you how it really is. I feel mentally like a full adult, however I am still financially Dependant on my parents, which is extremely frustrating. I want to start living my own life without having to deal with my parents thinking they still have the right to tell me what to do. I'm in my 5th year of college in a 6 year doctoral program so i'll be 24 by the time i graduate and am able to look for a job.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Selina
Is ANYTHING about this article supposed to be shocking or enlightening? What a waste of 5 minutes reading this! This obviously doesnt apply to the 20 somethings who arent financially well off...in this economy, who the hell can afford to move to a different address every year???
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Helen
Twenty-somethings are now sometimes being referred to as twenty-“nothings” (recent NY Times article) which is certainly is a topic for debate. However, for those of you in your twenties with drive and direction, this is the opportunity of a lifetime. Head's up. The world can be yours for the taking!!!
Reply
Thursday 26 August
By mystilo
What's the deal with the non-married couples living together? How could females not realize the life scam that they're falling for?
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Looney Tooney
Saban's correct, not everyone who lives at home is mooching. My Mom has Lewy Body Dementia and I chose to keep her in her own home and do everything for her, including making her change her Depends when it's time. I live in the northeast and the economy is so bad that it's truly impossible for anyone, let alone newly-hired 20-somethings to live on their own. In the 70s, kids graduated from high school on Wednesday and moved into their own "pad" on Thursday . . . that's just not financially possible now. BTW, 20-somethings who live at home and don't do anything to help are often products of parents who can't be pleased and insist on doing everything and then bitching and moaning about it.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Gabs
I must be an odd ball, been married since I was 16 & he was 19 now going on 10 years! We own a house & haven't moved in over 5 years!!
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Keith Patti
Why do they think women should have been polled and not men? I'm 26 and I haven't met "Mrs. Right" just like a lot of these respondents haven't met "Mr. Right".
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Nic503
I can so relate to this article. I grew up in a rural area where you either do three things, when you graduate high school: military, college or marriage. I had high school boyfriends but I never thought of me marrying any of them. When I was around 10 I told my mom that I didn't want to get married and I just wanted to have boyfriends. I guess I saw myself having more than 1...lol. Today I am 25 years old, I own my home and car. I went to four years of college and I married my career. Now that I am somewhat established in my life dating has been a challenge. I go out a few times a month and I think all the good guys are taken, therefore, I prefer them to be older.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By silverstreak
Mr. Not-good-enough is everywhere. Men have always been women-haters but today they do it right in front of women. Better that they do it if front of women rather than behind their backs so you know exactly what jerks they are. They still believe in the biblical idea that the Eve's of the world were put here on earth just to service them. Women are getting very tired of being their slaves so why lock yourself into a relationship with marraige. Marraige, to men, means that they own you so it much better to simply live together. You are not owned then.
I vote for a matriarchal society in which women own all the properties and money of the world and there is no such thing as a husband. All children are products of the mother and men who are sperm donors have no control of their sperm donees. They, instead, are required to support their sisters children. Where everyone in the family is a blood relative, we don't have stepfathers murdering their stepchildren.
If one looks at the number of women who get murdered everyyear, women are understandably not wanting an intimate relationship with any man. According to Ms. Magazine, the most dangerous thing a woman can do is to get into an intimate relationship with a man.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By silverstreak
Mr. Not-good-enough is everywhere. Men have always been women-haters but today they do it right in front of women. Better that they do it if front of women rather than behind their backs so you know exactly what jerks they are. They still believe in the biblical idea that the Eve's of the world were put here on earth just to service them. Women are getting very tired of being their slaves so why lock yourself into a relationship with marraige. Marraige, to men, means that they own you so it much better to simply live together. You are not owned then.
I vote for a matriarchal society in which women own all the properties and money of the world and there is no such thing as a husband. All children are products of the mother and men who are sperm donors have no control of their sperm donees. They, instead, are required to support their sisters children. Where everyone in the family is a blood relative, we don't have stepfathers murdering their stepchildren.
If one looks at the number of women who get murdered everyyear, women are understandably not wanting an intimate relationship with any man. According to Ms. Magazine, the most dangerous thing a woman can do is to get into an intimate relationship with a man.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Keith Patti
I'm 26 and I'm male and I don't have a career, I've had to move around a lot after living at home, and I've never been in a committed relationship. Girls it's the same for us too.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By Robert
Kids are delaying parent separation more now than before simply due to changing economics. I have one daughter back at home due to a divorce and spouse who over spent. I knew I would always be my children's safety net. but that is what we are here for and that is just life. I waited to get married and it did not work out so waiting did not work anymore than getting married out of high school. Do what works for you and makes all of you happy but don't let someone use you. There are no perfect people out there and none about to come along. Live within your means, be creative, be thankful for good true friends, and take love where you find it. always try to give more than you get and don't let someone ruin your day because they screwed up theirs. And as for marriage it will happen when you it feels right to both of you to so don't push it.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By lou
Personally I believe its all about timing and situation. Are the children spoiled, are they rich or poor, do the parents teach the kids any morals...any principals. I was in med school at 17 in a foreign country...and no I'm not smart. Returned when I was 20 and married soon after. Bought a home at 20, second at 23 and so on. Started a business at 26...its about being aggresive about life. Goodwork ethics and a relationship with Christ. It really is very simple. Did I make my mistakes???? Oh, you bet I did. but that is for another day. Oh....and yes I agree that too many women are too eager to sleep around these days. Its sad but very true. Seems the roles have reversed...it has nothing to do with age...they just like to sleep around, and most guys avoid those girls after the first night.
Reply
Wednesday 25 August
By silverstreak
One doesn't need a "good relationship with Christ" as there was no such person.
Back in 1950 women didn't sleep around. "No", for the most part meant "no" and "good" women were required to say "no". Now "no" means I'll have to talk her into it using coercion if I have to (read sometimes "coercion" means rape). Women are now required to say "yes" even if they don't want to have sex with you.
Reply