"The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex" is not your average (sexy) sex book.

The tongue-in-cheek (and, um, other areas) guide from actual couple Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist walks the uninitiated through everything from masturbation (a whole chapter!) to the mile-high club, to braingasms, to pube-scaping ... with many a peek into their real-life moments of intimacy.

Unsurprisingly, it's hilarious, because they're hilarious. You may know Kristen as superfan Mel from HBO's "Flight of the Conchords" or as Senior Women's Issues Correspondent on "The Daily Show," where Rich is a writer.

As Rich and Kristen boast in the book, they "have the best sex of anybody in the world. If the government learns of our superhuman lovemaking abilities, they will most certainly bring us in for testing." If their sex life is as good as their banter, you'll want to have what they're having. We got them on the horn to talk about lingerie, food and wooing comedians.

Lemondrop: What was the genesis for "The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex"?

Kristen: I wanted to write a book that sort of was an homage to all the Harlequin romance novels I'd read, with phrasing like "pulsating triangular mound." I wanted to combine it with funny short stories.

Rich: I'd worked on "America: The Book" for "The Daily Show" and felt comfortable writing in faux-textbook form. We combined the ideas so now it's half-textbook, half–erotic short stories.

Kristen: And all sex.

So what is "sexy sex"?
Rich: The sexiest sex is when both partners or three of you or all four of you -- when all those people are communicating to each other and attending to their sexual needs.

Kristen: All your creative synapses are firing, your senses are all being awoken, and you don't even know where you are anymore. You're taken to another plane.

What about unsexy sex?
Rich: If it's a hostage situation ...

Kristen: I don't know about that.

Rich: Well, all right, a hostage situation at sea --

Kristen: It's still turning me on.

Rich: Hostages in space?

Kristen: That's turning me on the most.

Rich: I guess there's no such thing as unsexy sex. To us, anyway.

Kristen: I guess death. Well, I don't now (laughs).

Faux textbook aside, the "Be a Good Guy" section is one where I thought the tips could actually work, like rubbing a woman's feet. I'd go for that. Good guys are underrated.
Kristen: Absolutely. I think that this culture has been raising our men to believe that they're kings of the world. (pause) Rich just took a deep breath.

Rich: This is gonna end up with me rubbing her feet.

Kristen:
Rich is rubbing my feet right now. Good guys are totally underrated. But that being said, both men and women have to give their best to each other. But sometimes that gets lost in the dynamic of a relationship and people regress to being children. Let's just be adults together. Rich, what'd I just say?

Rich: I stopped paying attention.

On the cover of the book, Kristen's wearing a white bra, granny panties and knee socks. Experts a
re always telling women to "spice things up" in the bedroom with lingerie. What's your take?
Rich: This isn't the first time we've been asked about lingerie. We come down strongly in the anti-lingerie department.

Kristen:
Let your boobs be your lingerie.

Rich: Why do you want to have frilly lace all over yourself? You end up looking like a doily on your grandmother's end table. Let the table shine.

Kristen:
I'm only wearing my underwear on the cover because we want to sell the book at Barnes & Noble. If I could I have been nuder, I would have.

You tackle some urban legends of sex, two of which involve food: hot dogs and peanut butter. Is combining food and sex ever a good idea?
Kristen: Definitely combine them. I would stay away anything that has foam, because that could be dangerous. Or not, 'cause remember that time?

Rich:
I guess baby back ribs are borderline.

Kristen: You can make them work, you just have to commit and not be on your best sheets. Throw a tarp down.

Rich
: Throw a tarp down in general, even when food isn't involved.

You two are doing performances together to promote the book. What can we expect?

Kristen: We will definitely do the "Taint-o-Logues" chapter because that's just so perfect for performing. It goes over like gangbusters. No one leaves the building without a tingle in their taint.

Rich:
We'll sign any body part.

Kristen:
You know what I'd like to do? We'll have to rehearse this, but we also have a section of flash fiction. I'd love to act out "ALF" and "Golden Girls" flash fiction.

Speaking of The Taint-o-Logues, what did you think of "The Vagina Monologues"?

Kristen: I think "The Vagina Monologues" are awesome. I'm a big fan. I'm happy they were written and hope they continue to be performed. Our book isn't putting them down, it's bringing them up and giving voice to a body part that everybody is a little ashamed of: the taint.

Except you guys.

Kristen: We're not ashamed of anything!

Rich:
We celebrate the taint!

Do friends come to you for sex advice now?

Kristen: I don't think any of our friends are having sex, are they?

Rich:
I think they gave up after they saw the sex we were having. "Let's take up some other hobby we can beat Kristen and Rich at." Scrimshaw mostly.

Would you recommend professional collaboration to other couples?
Kristen: It's a very delicate balance. If you can find someone that you can work with and create stuff together, it's a really good sign that that relationship will be long-lasting. But there's is a chance that you'll get your feelings hurt. You have to have a thick skin. You have to be able to separate how much you think that person should love you and put you on a pedestal with how much they agree or disagree with whatever idea you're pitching at that moment.

At Lemondrop, we have lots of crushes on comedians that never go anywhere. Any tips on getting a comedian into bed?
Kristen: Speaking as a comedian? No one ever tried to get me into bed, which I'm sure they're all realizing now is a big mistake. Definitely laugh at their jokes a lot.

Rich: Tip the waitress.

Kristen:
Show them that you're really tipping the waitress at the end of the show? I've never tried to bed a comedian!

Rich: Take them out for nice dinners and squeeze their feet. It works even better on stand-ups, cause they've been standing. Go right for the feet.

Kristen, what's next for you?

Kristen: I just got cast in a play today. It's called "The Coward," and it'll be up at Lincoln Center in November or December. And I'm doing a voice for "Bob's Burgers," which'll be on Fox in January.

We'll look out for that. Now that you've written a book, can you say definitively whether you prefer performing or writing?

Kristen: When you're acting, you can't control anything but your performance. It's very ensemble. You throw yourself into it, whereas with writing, all the pressure is on you. I think I enjoy acting the most, but I would never stop doing any of it. Basically you're asking me which child I'd shoot. I would shoot the one that makes me work hardest.


"The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex" is now available from the super-sexy Chronicle Books.