Lemondrop

Guy Voice: Michael Swaim

Say something about his over-involved parents? Only if you're okay with the very real possibility of losing your boyfriend to his mama. See, us dudes? We like our mamas. We like our mamas like rappers like their mamas. And it takes quite a while before his love for you can trump his gratitude for the creature that spawned him from the very marrow of her flesh. Like, six months at the LEAST.

So even when you're in the right, I advise approaching divisive family issues very carefully, if at all. Say the wrong thing or go into it with less-than-infinite patience, and you're bound to make it a choice between you and his family. And that ultimatum never ends well. If it doesn't lead to a breakup, it usually leads to even more invasive parents.

If you thought he was protective of the parent-son relationship, wait until you see parents who think some succubus is trying to pry their son away from their loving embrace. I suggest arming yourself heavily and learning to sleep with one eye open. Also, it should be a cybertronic laser-shooting eye. YOU CAN'T TAKE CHANCES.

On the other hand, play it cool, show your man that you have no intention of replacing his family, and I guarantee you eventually will. It's guy nature: we actively avoid any sudden change, but gradual change flies right over our heads. We're like frogs slowly boiling in the pot of your love. Or just make peace with the parents, which is pretty boring if you ask me (but effective) ... yawn.

Focus on strengthening your relationship, sharing more, loving more, and soon enough he'll pick you every time. Then you can snidely rub it in his parents' faces at every family gathering, secure in the knowledge that if the house were set ablaze, your man would hop over his flailing family just to get you to safety.

Girl Voice: Emily Gordon

Though I totally agree with Michael's point that men will happily sit in a slowly boiling pot of your love but will balk at the first mention of change, keeping your mouth shut in this situation sounds like a recipe for resentment. (Yay for cooking references!) If you decide to bring this up, you will bring it up only to your boyfriend and never to his parents themselves, and more importantly, you should say something if, and only if, you are being affected by your boyfriend's parents' behavior.

There's a huge difference between being affected by something and just being annoyed by it. If there have been times that his parents' behavior and his reaction to it has caused him to mistreat you, that's when it's affecting you. If you're just tired of waiting until they get off the phone so you can get back to your date, they're just annoying you. And here's an icky thing we don't like to talk about: the parents of your significant other are always going to kind of annoy you. It's inevitable.

But the reason for speaking up is not the tired "This could be your life if you guys get married" route, I promise. Men think women think about the future too much, but the truth is, we just understand patterns, and we understand that they repeat themselves. How a man relates to his parents tells you a lot about how he relates to the world. If he kowtows to their every whim, watch for that to happen in every interaction he has. If he is constantly lying to them to show himself as perfect, look for him to do the same with you. These are patterns. Saying something can help you figure out how ingrained these patterns are.

Don't put it in terms of ultimatums, but let him know that you've seen him appear to be put out by his parents and that for your sake and for his, you would prefer that his boundaries with his parents were a bit stronger. Make sure the focus is on him rather than you. If you push him into changing his behavior, you're just replacing his parents, see how tricky that is? Let your feelings be known and then back off and see what he does. Ultimately, how he relates to his parents is his call. All you can do is decide to either stick it out with him or leave, taking all of your own patterns with you.