Just the other day we were drinking some White Zin mixed with Sprite* and we thought to ourselves, How could we class up this scenario just a little bit?
Now we know the answer to that question: We should have bought the wine from a vending machine!
The wine vending machines are being used in Pennsylvania, a state with super-strict liquor laws that only make sense if you live there. (For example, "Of course this bar's giving away free hot dogs, it's Sunday! Duh.")
Thanks to the machines, people can now buy bottles of wine at the grocery store for the first time, because machines are more trustworthy than any human could ever be, a notion believed by many people who've never seen any of the "Terminator" movies.
The machines work thus: A consumer has to swipe their state ID and a credit or debit card, then blow into a breathalyzer vent that hundreds of other people have used, which seems slightly gross to us for some reason. If they're old enough (check), sober enough (we could totally
drive a car right now), and have enough money (can we get back to you on this one?), the door to the cooler containing the wine they want will open, and they will be rewarded with delicious
, errr ...
... uhhhh, hmmmm.
OK, so the selection in the video we saw wasn't that outstanding
, but, you guys, it's wine in a grocery store
. You know, for when you can't find a liquor store or you like blowing into vents in public. Come on!
*never actually do this