Most of the wedding's details are already set -- she's picked out the venue, chosen a DJ, and narrowed her gown possibilities to four lucky finalists. There's just one thing missing: the husband-to-be.
Lisa, a singer-songwriter, has neither a fiance nor a long-term boyfriend. She intends to find her soul mate through what she's calling "Project Husband," a venture sponsored by Dallas's local CW affiliate. She's even written a song about it -- "I Want to Get Married" -- which you can hear in all its glory after the jump.
"I am an independent person who would like to be married, and this situation is just a different way of going about it," she says. "It's not entirely different from 'The Bachelorette.' It's more honest, and it provides more time, and it's more organic in many ways."
Fair enough, although even Jayson Blair looks honest when compared to "The Bachelorette." Still, we were intrigued by Lisa's kinda-clever, kinda-crazy mission. We called her up to learn more about Project Husband. And whether this is all really an elaborate plot to birth a reality show.
Lemondrop: What made you decide that you had to get married next year?
Well, I was at my friend's wedding in New York City in February of this year, and I thought to myself if I planned my wedding a year in advance, then I would have to get married. It was a really clear thought in the middle of the day as we were all getting ready for the ceremony. And I think it's also partially because I was about to turn 35, and I started thinking that I'd like to start a family with someone.
So what kind of husband are you looking for? Can you describe your perfect guy?
I'm looking for somebody who has a great sense of humor, who's intellectual and honest, who is upbeat, outgoing, who is very self-confident -- definitely someone who is independent and happy on his own, but who would like to be in a long-term relationship, and eventually have a family and children.
Do you think you've gotten more open-minded about dating since deciding to start the project?
Actually, I think so, because I had a really specific goal and time in mind. I realized I should be more open-minded, and I should give different guys a chance. And I've done that -- in the last six months, since I've launched this, I've dated more guys, probably, than I've dated in years.
How do you think you'll know when you meet your future husband?
I think that there will be a very consistent feeling that I'll have about one person. And I also feel like when I've met that person and spent some time with them -- say, several weeks -- that I'll get to the point where I won't really want to see anyone else.
But it hasn't happened yet?
Not really. I've had strong feelings, but I haven't gotten to the point where I've said, "I am ready to shut this down. I don't want to see anyone else."
Are you up front with the guys you date, telling them, "I'm in the market to get married"?
Yeah. I tell them up front. A lot of times if I'm set up by a friend, the friend will explain it and say, you know, "If you're not into this, you should say so now." Because some of my dates are filmed, and I take photos, and I blog, so if the guys aren't up for it, that's fine. But most of the guys have been supportive, and they've said things like, "I think you're a really cool girl. Even if I'm not the one, then I'm in your corner, and I hope it works out for you." There have been a couple guys who've said, "You're fun and you're great, but there's no way I'm going to want to get married anytime soon." And so that's good to know up front, because I don't really spend the time wondering, "Is he going to call? What does he want? What is he thinking?"
How have people criticized you since you launched the project?
Well, most of the negative reactions, honestly, have come from women. They've said, "It takes two," "You're selfish," or "You're spoiled," or -- one woman in Australia, after I interviewed on an Australian program -- said I'm ugly and I'll never get married. And that I'm desperate.
But I would say that's maybe 5 percent of the comments. The rest are really encouraging and hopeful. It seems to me that the people who react negatively are hurting themselves, or they've had bad relationships, or they're anti-marriage and they don't want to see it work out with me because they're unhappy.
On your blog, you've written things like "it's nice to avoid role confusion during a date." That's a pretty conservative stance. Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Sure, because I still believe that a woman has an equal right to be in the workplace and earn equal pay and create her own identity. But when it comes to dating and love and marriage, I feel like there has to be a balance, and that there has to be kind of a division of roles. And it's my experience in dating that when I have asserted myself in more male roles, the relationship doesn't work. And it's not to say that, you know -- to each his own. Each couple is very, very different. But I've found in dating that it works a little better to let the man play the game, and let him be the aggressor.
Do you think that once you find your guy, he might wish that he had had more of a role in the wedding-planning process?
The thing is that most guys don't really like to get bogged down in all the details. And he's going to have some input on the fun stuff -we'll be able to taste all the food and the different cakes that are available to us, and he can confer on color schemes and [things] like that. But I think any guy will be excited because everything has been thought through, from the ring to the honeymoon to the ceremony. I would think that the right guy will think this is an ingenious idea, and that he'll applaud my creativity.
At what point do you think you're going to start getting worried if you haven't met "the one" yet?
I think that if it gets down to the holidays, Thanksgiving time, and I just haven't met anybody that I think could be the guy, then I'll probably start to think, "This is going to be tough." Because it takes at least several weeks to develop a relationship, at the very least -- which means that I really would need to meet someone in the next couple months to be able to develop a relationship by the end of the year.
But even at that point, I don't feel that it's going to be time to panic, because either it's going to happen, or it's not. And it's been an amazing process and journey, and I'm focusing on enjoying that, and I'm hopeful that the end result will be positive.
What are you going to do if you don't end up meeting someone?
The vendors and I have talked about donating the ceremony to a couple in the area who needs it. So somebody will get married!
And emotionally, where do you think you'll be?
If it doesn't work out, then I'll move on, and I'm sure I will survive. But if it does, then I'll be happy that it did. I think emotionally, it's most important that I focus on looking for the connection. And I've been single for my whole life, so it's not as if I need this and I'm desperate for it. That's probably been the biggest criticism of people who are negative -- they're saying, "Oh, you're desperate, she's desperate." But I've been out with 52 different guys since I launched this. If I were truly desperate, I would have run into a relationship with one of those. So I really am looking for the real deal, and I hope I find it. But if I don't, I've lived this long independently, so it's not going to kill me.
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