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This week's episode is a return that certain Mad Men style we've come to get used to where lots of things happen, but nothing really happens. Let's jump right in:

Doctor Love
I love when Mad Men takes us to the gyno. It's such much more exciting than my own experience in the stirrups. The doctors are always smoking, telling women how excited they should be about their pregnancy or making cracks about being sluts. Darling Joan manages to make a hospital gown look sexy, while trying to figure out just how the pill works when it's time to actually produce a child on purpose. In typical non-shocker fashion, Joan (who the doc calls JoJo, making this JoJo, suddenly relevant again) mentions she's had a few procedures before -- you know, the kind that make accidents go away. One was a "legit" (quotation marks on purpose) operation done by this doctor; the other by a mid-wif,e which makes us nervous for Joan's who-ha. The doctor then gives the worst medical advice and consolation for her fears: he quotes "Que Sera Sera." Seriously dude, you went to medical school, and that's your advice for Joan's infertility woes? A horrible French song about not caring?
A vodka tonic and enough of your BC to count as a morning after pill

Pre-Vacay Jitters
Just like in a real office, everyone is amped to get the f' out of there for the holidays. Slept-with Secretary is ready to get strange in Times Square with some sailors (since Don's not gonna call). Lane's being cagey about his family. And Joan's trying to get some vacation time by plying forlorn Lane with fried chicken. (If only that worked for all bosses). But even the extra-crispy can't pull off time for her to spend with the husband before he goes of to Vietnam. Lane ends up being a bit of an ass, and tells her "not to go and cry about it." Joan tries to break the news to her husband using the same tactics she would with a child, but he's not buying it. Hopefully there's a few pieces of poultry leftover for Joanie, because she's got some sorrows that only grease can solve this week.
Two more vodka tonics while listening to Doris Day and eating chicken.


California, Knows How To Party
The most important thing that happened this episode was Double D driving a convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway. Witnessing this from the shotgun seat is now my new life fantasy. Dub-D decides to make a quick stop-off on his quest for the perfect tacos and skanks in Mexico to visit Anne Draper of his fake life. The Secretkeeper has a broken leg but still in her groovy California way, making Double D instantly relaxed and ready to release his sorrows. Anne's caretakers, the nosiest sister on the planet and her dying-for-a-chance-to-slut-it-up hippie niece, Stephanie, stop over to cast judgment. Anne asks Slutphanie to stay for dinner (mainly to provide drugs). Anne, Don/Dick, and Slutphanie go out for a rousing dinner and Don talks the usual foreplay of how awesome advertising is while wearing a very of-the-moment plaid coat and belittling surf music. Note: Don is coming close to crossing some age-of-consent laws here. Sure the kid's cute, but how wrong is it to hit on someone who you just remarked on them missing teeth the last time you saw them? While driving Slutphanie home, Don's ready to tap the fountain of youth, but -- ruh-roh! -- she's got a confession. Turns out Anne has cancer, but has no idea. Apparently her doctors also went to Doris Day Medical Academy, because you know, since she doesn't have long live, why tell her she doesn't have long to live? Don is distraught by this and ready to go home and problem-solve instead of making booty with the child.
A joint rolled from the finest Cali dope and three beers .
Paint by the Numbers
Don thinks it out all evening, and then goes Extreme Makeover Home Edition on Anne's house, attempting to heal everything with another coat of turquoise paint. (Obviously an outtake from this book.) Anne and DD wake and bake, then talk UFOs. Anne proves herself family to Don by admitting she knows exactly who she is and still loves him. Secret sister comes over to harsh the buzz. Double D takes it outside and chides her for keeping the secret, but then she tells Don you're not really family anyway, and pleads with him to keep the secret ('cuz that's what people in this family do). Double D feeling rejected and befuddled does what she says! He announces he will be going to Acapulco after all, but that he'll bring the kids for Easter. He's obviously upset, showing that he does indeed have feelings, just not the kind he can express in New York. He signs his painting with a groovy heart and heads off to leave Anne to either die of cancer without him, or hang on until he and Peter Cottontail return in the spring.
Three airplane bottles of vodka , some more medicinal marijuana and whatever weird snack Don had on the plane.

Flowers for Algernon
Back at the office, Joan, looking bitchy in black, gets some flowers. As Peggy is showering her with praise for her functional marriage (and Joan is not listening) we realize the roses aren't from the Vase-head husband, but from Lane. Lane's not exactly Hallmark worthy though, and as she stomps in to toss the flowers at Lane, we realize it might have been his secretary's fault (she mixed up the cards for Joan and Lane's wife). In a fit of Joan awesomeness for the books, Joan fires the secretary while using an SAT word the woman does not understand ( for the win), before Lane can barely get a word in. Back home she makes a faux Hawaiian New Year's for Vase-head since he worked through the real one. They're about to get lei'ed when she cuts herself. Vase-head gives her stitches at the table, but Joan is obviously terrified of his meger medical skills and starts crying. He manages to do it without whacking off her whole finger, but the damage is done: Vase-head could be off at Vietnam any day now and her life ain't as perfect as she'd like it to be. But cheer up Joanie-you look great in that kimono!
Have some fresh squeezed OJ and a Hawaiian cake. Lay off the booze for a bit, you just got stitches!

The Dark of the Matinee
Don comes back to the only family he can trust -- The SCDP office -- and finds another person else working out of lack of family: Lane. Lane pretends to be busy and offers Double D part of his very large sandwich, until Don asks him to go to the cinema. After bickering over which movie to Fandango, Double D stocks a super flask, and the brosephs then go see Godzilla drunk. They bond while talk about people, the percentage of theater-goers getting hand jobs (20%?) and the heckle some families. The bromance continues at dinner, where things start to get personal. Lane's bitch of a wife is leaving him and Don, sSensing he could have a second member of his First Husband's Club, Don decides to welcome Lane to singledom with hookers. Lane puts a steak on his dick (I'm not making that part up) and the pair prepare for the evening out.
A flask of scotch for the movies
She Works Hard for the Money
Out and about on their Judd Apatow-ian adventure, the bros take in a comedy show and some music before the real fun begins at Don's pad. Lane's lady of the evening pretends to go to Barnard since he likes the smarties while Double D's prosty of face slapping fame is cozy in Don's home (proving this is a regular occurrence). Don shows some decorum, but not letting Lane getting down in the kids' room, proving there is some soul in there still (but not much). In the A.M., Lane looks invigorated, and meets Don in the kitchen to chug water and settle his debts. The episode's biggest shocker is that an evening with the hooker is only $25! Lane graciously thanks Don for the much needed relief, and we sense Lane needed a pal. Then there's a montage of them riding a bicycle to Queen's "Best Friend" (in my imagination). The next time we see the gang, they're back at work starting the new year just like nothing happened, reminding us that at the end of the day, what happens on vacation stays that way.
A scotch on the rocks .

I can't really complain because lots of things happened, but I did find last night to feel rushed. I could have used more with Joan than we got (albeit it was a lot), but I do love getting some legit Lane time. What about you guys? Do you think Don needs to find more expensive hookers? What sort of large sandwich was Lane eating?