Lemondrop

Word to the wise -- if you write an article about Suze Orman she will find it, and then she will find you.

Given the power of Twitter and Facebook plus the reach of Lemondrop.com and its parent site AOL, I thought there was a chance my article on adopting the Suze Orman cash-only diet would make its way to Suze herself, but I didn't think that would happen within six hours of it hitting the Internet.

E-mail subject line: The Suze Orman Show. Body of email: Hi Jessie, I'm a producer for the Suze Orman show and would love to chat with you regarding your article on the cash-only diet. Please give me a call.

My Mom regarding this development, "Oh my god do you think they're going to sue you?!" No, I told her, I think they're going to invite me to be on Suze's show. I'm just not sure if that's better or worse...

My article was wildly complimentary of Suze and her money-saving tricks. Following her plan had saved me hundreds of dollars in a matter of weeks, so I knew her initial reaction would be of the "you go, girlfriend" variety (note: it was, literally), but I've seen enough segments featuring Suze grilling a guest on why their monthly budget includes a $30 line-item for movies to know that my moment in the hot seat wouldn't end at "congrats!"


The Suze Orman Show (Saturday's 9/8c on CNBC) is designed around helping floundering Americans climb out from debt by righting their financial wrongs. I'd taken a serious step in the right direction by following her "back to cash" plan, but if Suze lifted up the rock of my financial past she'd have more to tisk-tisk than a $30 movie budget.

"Well just only tell her what you want her to know," a friend said. "She's Suze Orman," I responded, "she's going to figure it all out." I quickly learned that Suze and her producers use a detailed guest research system to do so. Shari with the Suze show is part producer, part financial detective. She talked me through the documents required to participate – a set of excel spreadsheets and word documents outlining every dollar I have, spend, and owe. As the article that prompted this ordeal explained, I am not the most financially savvy person.

I have never kept a strict budget, I rarely check my financial statements, and my understanding of terms like 401K and Roth IRA is, shall we say, challenged. But it's not every day that Suze Orman calls to invite you onto her show. I felt an obligation to see this one through a. for the story but b. because Suze was sure to deal me some sound financial advice – the question was, at what cost of public humiliation? There is no more eye opening experience than preparing an overview of your entire financial situation. Suze's grid has a box for every purchase genre known to man: jewelry, gifts, coffee, lunches, alcohol – you name it. Then comes the section for debt: credit cards, student loans. Then cost of living: rent, electricity, cable, groceries, home décor. And finally, gross income.

Well, finally if you're me and skipped over the entire section on investments: 401K, Roth IRA, property, stock and the like. I could hear Suze's voice in my head as I turned over that blank page, "So you're saying you spend $300 a month on dinner and drinks and zero on investment for your future?" Then my nationally televised intro flashed across my mind, "My next guest is your typical Manhattan 20-something, financially foolish and on the road to a life of debt." When the morning of my appearance finally came I was prepared for the worst. "Well then why are you doing this?!" one friend said as we debated which shirt said I've-learned-my-lesson. "I feel like I have this obligation to serve as an example to other 20-somethings," I told her. "Then maybe you shouldn't wear such an obviously expensive shirt..." she said.

Guests of the Suze Orman show are taped in a midtown Manhattan studio space and correspond with Suze via satellite to her production studios in New Jersey. The kind man who outfitted me with a lapel mic told me my shirt looked nice against the faux Manhattan skyline. "Have you done TV before?" he asked. "Does Boston College TV count?" I asked.

Shari came into my earpiece after I was properly positioned and walked me through what would happen next. I'd hear the director deliver the 5, 4, 3, 2, and then I'd hear Suze in my ear delivering the segment intro. She'd chat with me for 15 or so minutes and then we'd wrap with a financial action plan and sign-off. "Now look directly into the camera," she told me, "and try not to touch your hair, shift in your seat, or raise or lower your voice too much."

Before I could run through my five different expressions for, "You're so right Suze," she was in my ear delivering my intro (a glowing set of compliments, thank god), and within seconds she'd hit me with the first question, "So tell me Jess, what exactly did you do?" You can rehearse all you want for live television (note: this show is taped in advance but shot as if it's live), but the moment it's your turn to talk, you will go completely blank. I couldn't repeat a thing I said back to Suze, but when I stopped talking she laughed and said, "that's my girl!"

Our fifteen minutes together repeated in a similar fashion. She shot quick and pointed question at me (What if you go back to your old ways? How do you feel now that you have some savings? Do you really spent $20 a month on jewelry?!) – I mustered answers. She advised on a better budget for things like gifts and dining out – I paired what I hope-to-god was the appropriate facial reaction and asked her for tips about how to spend smarter. Was she harsh? No, she was direct. Did she tell me I was a fool? No, she told me I was young enough to turn it around and end up a millionaire. Did she give me some classic Suze Orman lines that I'll remember for the rest of my life? Yep, including calling me "girlfriend" and her "smart cookie."

"How did I do?!" I asked Shari after Suze wrapped the piece. "You were great!" she said, "Suze wants to have you back on after a few months to discuss how your savings plan went." And with that I survived my first experience on the Suze Orman show and got the single greatest motivation to actually follow my budget. I'm now accountable to Suze Orman.

Jessie Rosen writes the blog 20-Nothings, an account of getting by from 2-0 to 3-0. Today is Thursday, so you will find weighing her financial progress -- then drinking off her angst at her office's free happy hour.