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If you've ever moved to a new city as an adult, you've probably heard the following words from a friend, and you've probably been thankful/irritated/touched/embarrassed to hear them:

"Oh, I have a good friend in Los Angeles! I should get you two together!"

I'm not one of those girls who has to have a huge cadre of girlfriends on call at all times for emergency sweatpants-and-cosmo nights, but the older I get, the more I love having a few amazing women to share my girliness with. Nothing brings out more childhood insecurities in me than the idea of being, at the ripe old age of 31, the New Kid.

I see myself hovering at the doorway of the classroom all over again, nervously scanning the room but trying to play it cool, clutching my books in front of me for protection. But since I just moved to a new city for the second time in five years, I'm getting pretty good at being new. So, in case you're in the same predicament, here are some thoughts on how to deal with using your old friends to help you make new friends.

First things first, don't gallop into town, guns blazing, and immediately start burning through all your friend referrals. I did that the last time I moved, concerned about being lonely, and I was so starved for free time in the first month that I ended up canceling plans and not following up with people I actually liked. Moving to a new city can be lonely and weird, but I believe most of us only have a limited amount of "get to know you" energy (it's exhausting), so don't rev your engine from zero to social butterfly before your boxes are unpacked. Make yourself a goal of two social interactions per week, and then slowly increase as you get more comfortable.

Which brings me to my next point: Don't expect to be comfortable right away. Will you be able to immediately flop down with a friend of a friend at a diner and start giggling at inside jokes? Nope. Will a brand-new pal want to listen to you talk about problems with your man at your first brunch? Probably not, but that doesn't mean it's not meant to be. Give the friends you meet a chance to get comfy. Don't treat them like old friends, but rather people whom you want to want to see you again. Find out about who they are, and let them find out about who you are slowly and naturally, without listing your résumé or spilling your girlfriend-starved guts. You have time.

When you get a friend recommendation from someone, ask questions. Find out why your current friend thinks you two should meet. Is it just because it's the only female they know in your new city? Do you have similar tastes in music, similar careers? Find out the specifics, and -- I hate to say this -- but keep pressing if the recommendation is from a guy. Watching "The Bachelor" to make fun of it is very different than watching it religiously and crying at the reunion show, but a boy might assume "Oh, hey, they both watch 'The Bachelor.'" When you contact the potential friend, keep the communication light and silly and acknowledge the inherent weirdness of a friend blind date. Don't put pressure on them, and if you don't get a response, don't take it personally.

Sometimes, a friendship can look perfect on paper ("You like zombie movies AND tacos?!") but in person, you just don't mesh. I've learned from experience: Don't try and force it just because it should work. I kept trying to hang out with one girl, week after week, when my husband pointed out that I appeared to be visibly dreading it. It wasn't that she wasn't awesome and smart and great, we just thought about love differently and laughed at different things. We just weren't friends. On the other hand, a girl who sounds like a weirdo bore on paper ("She loves ANTM?") can turn out to be awesome in person. Give everyone a chance.

The best advice I can give? Always, always attend group events that are suggested to you. Group events are awesome because the pressure is off for you to find your BFF, so you can, instead, enjoy yourself. If you see a fellow female you think looks fun, compliment her on her bangs/earrings/eyeliner, and then confess that you're new in town. Maybe crack a joke that exemplifies your twisted sense of humor, and see what kind of reaction you get. Drag other people in, acquaintances and strangers, and have fun.

At a party a few weeks ago here in L.A., a girlfriend of a friend of a friend (seriously) and I were chatting when she stopped, looked down, and took a deep breath. "Umm, maybe I should ... get your phone number ... so we can hang out?" We just looked at each other and giggled, like old friends, before whipping out our cell phones.


Emily Gordon is a Lemondrop contributor, blogger and journalist who (now) lives in Los Angeles.