Lemondrop

Look. I realize I'm late on this one. Forgive me -- I had a few too many shrimp cocktails at the inaugural "Mad Men" season 4 party. But now that we've all had some time to readjust to Don Draper's handsome mug, let's reflect on what Manhattan-swilling delights we just witnessed and grade them based on the appropriately sexist -- or sexy, depends who's talking -- cocktail. And next week, this'll be up Monday, I promise you.

Modesty Is the Best Policy
We open with Don Draper refusing to speak in the third person to an AdAge reporter with one leg and the handwriting skills of an Egyptian pyramid carver. The Drap gets very folksy on us saying, "I'm from the Midwest. We were taught that it's not polite to talk about yourself." Apparently though, the Midwest is fine with philandering, chain smoking, and general assiness. The reporter is so shocked by Don's semi-bashfulness that his prosthetic leg whirls around like a dervish-a touch of foreshadowing that perhaps Don's in a leg-tornado of depression? That not all is as it seems? Hang tight English majors more literary devices to come.
Drink whatever you want, you're on AdAge's dime:

Austin Powers Dance Break
It's to jazzy office exposition montage! We're given a few brief glimpses of our favorite characters: There's Bert Cooper (curmudgeonly as ever), our beloved Peggy and our equally beloved Joey. Wait, who's Joey? No time -- NEXT! Pete is there wearing Madeline's navy jacket. Silver Fox Roger is cracking wise. BRING-BRING there's a telephone ringing. Busy busy. Paper pushing. Mid-century lights are aglow. Joan is still built as curvy as a Daytona 500 racetrack. It's a scrappy time at the new upstart. They don't even have a conference table. Laughs. Oh it's real fabulous sixties times.
Martinis and a J from Don's old-school GF, Midge. Far out!

Don Always Gets a 5-Star Rating on OkCupid
After his lawyer inquires about the status of his balls, Draper gets set-up on a date by Roger. A blind date! You know, the kind of date us normal, non-Jon-Hamm people have! Roger makes some cracks about stuffing the gal like a turkey (just like when your mom sets you up). Don is somehow more celibate than when he was married, probably because he made the mistake of hiring a maid that is not Dorota. After not eating the pork chops the maid/servant/faux-Betty makes, Don actually gets ready for his date and checks his hair in the mirror -- just like a girl. I don't even know if I am even on Earth right now because everything is changing. His Taylor Swift-lookalike date could not be more annoying if she was actually singing about t-shirts and sneakers. Stimulating dinner conversation includes calling out the Draps' divorcee status and civil rights. After being so wild as to wear a bib and eat chicken kiev, she does not let Double-D-Honey Pot come upstairs, leaving him alone with blue balls in cab. She's withholding sex to make Don call her again. She's both brilliant and a masochist. I still hate her.
A bottle of Dran-O for that painful date and a bottle of Draper's leftover chicken kiev juice for me.

Ham-Fisted Advertising
Meanwhile, Peggy and Pete (Petgy?) get involved in a hair-brain schemed to sell some hams. They'll save the ham flailing account by paying two washed-up biddy actress to throw down over a ham. It's all working like Peggy's new bob (does Joey finesse that do or fondle? I can't tell). But ZOINKS SCOOBY! The actress playing the part of Old Ham-fighting Biddy 1 is not done WWFing on Old Biddy Beehive. Stay tuned.
Eat canned ham, you're already drinking too much.

Interlude
No one addresses what is going on with Henry Crain's face post his California trip. Is his face allergic to the West Coast? Did Lucy and Desi make him wear a bee hat to get the TV special?
Wash down some Benadryl with a vodka tonic while wearing a bag over your head.

Sally Draper Is an Indian Giver
Here comes a big money prediction: Sally Draper will be nominated for an Emmy this year. That little scamp is all grown-up and ready to out Jodie-Foster Jodie Foster. There's a whole well of a story there that most shows wouldn't touch (The kids! The kids! What about those kids!), and good ole Matt Weiner is treating her like a real character. There's only a brief glimpse to the beginning of her Taxi Driver like transformation -- spitting out sweet potatoes at her new step-family's Thanksgiving with the chops of Meryl Streep -- and she nails it. Meanwhile, Bobby is oblivious and possibly stricken with a form of Asperger's that results in lame jokes.
A Shirley Temple

Give Him the Business
Duly noted: Don Drapper likes to be slapped in the face during sex, and dislikes hookers answering his phone. Especially when it's Peggy asking for bail. Peggy's amazingness continues to be an everlasting gobstopper of delight. She gives Don the sass on the phone, has a framed photo of JFK in her apartment, and fakes having a fiancée to force Don not to yell at her. But back to the prostie. Why is Double D paying for the business? And when did he get strange in bed? Is he a secret feminist and is this his trossed up way of supporting the cause by letting a woman take charge?
Pour vodka on your head it's too hot

Betty and Old Man River
Back at the old Draper compound, Betty and hot grandpa are about to reset the pacemaker before, buzzkill, Sally Draper is trying to phone home to Double D in the hallway. Betty is all horrible this episode: hiding the baby from Don while wearing a tweed power suit, not paying rent, screwing OMR in the garage. Suddenly Don is the good parent with bunk beds and button sewing skills. Someone call Tupac, because this episode is all about "Changes." Worst of all, Betty's not home to meet the kids and little Bobby's all asleep in his coat and Sally's gotta latchkey their way in. Then like a nice person, Don waits up for the lovebirds to get back from OMR's sex party (dialysis treatment). We miss gun-slinging Betty from season one, who's been replaced with a continually less redeemable character. OMR's indiscernibly-related relative (she can't be his mother, she's too young!) thinks OMR should have gotten the milk for free before buying the cow, and wonders how he can live in that other man's dirt. The answer is OMR loves dirt because he is already dead. Or he's just blinded by Betty's sex moves. Whichever.
For evil Betty, a dirty martini . For OMR, a Metamucil .

How Draper Got His Groove Back
After the AdAge article makes Don look like a real tool bag, everyone at the office is rather TOed. Drapes tries to sell Buzz Aldrin some slutty bikinis but the ad is a too provocative. Rather than please the clients, Don storms out, then back in -- to tell them to get the hell out. If Draper wants to make semi-suggestive bikini ads, prude clients be damned. Double D calls up the Wall Street Journal on the banana phone and arranges a new interview. He tells this limb-rich reporter he holstered up his guns, and rock n roll music starts playing. DD is back on top!
Shots of scotch for the entire staff

All in all the episode provided fantastic opener that sort of sets us up with the whole crew in a mostly feel-good Ocean's 11 type way. Sure there were touches of drama, but no major twists and turns, saving us for the excitement down the line, which after the long hiatus, I'm completely fine with. (I'm also a bit buzzed.) Are you Lemondroppers? What say ye?

Kim Moreau is a writer/editor living in New York City who covers everything from home decor to celebrity culture. She is not ashamed to admit she carries a torch for .