We sincerely, truly never thought it would be possible, but it seems that Paul Blart
has been replaced in our hearts by a new protector of shopping malls
-- 16-year-old Kealey Oliver, a cheerleader from Oklahoma.
Although she doesn't wear a misleading badge or ride a Segway, the high school junior managed to take down a mall thief, while wearing a strapless dress and without even hanging up on her mom. The thief came running toward her, like they do, so Kealey politely informed her mother she would be putting down the phone for a second, and tackled the bad guy, holding him down long enough for mall security to catch up and nab him.
All of this, and she only got a small scratch on her elbow and a bruise on her knee. We know one criminal who's going to have a reeeeeally hard time in jail. (Psssssst: it's the dude who got tackled by a high school cheerleader whilst trying to shoplift at a mall.)