Lemondrop

When I recently read reports that Kate Gosselin has dragged her obligatory plus-eight kids to Alaska for a few nights under the stars with Sarah Palin for an episode of "Kate Plus 8," my inner-beauty-trend-alert monitor went all sorts of crazy. Nature lessons with Todd indeed, I thought. They're going GLAMPING!

You see, I'd just read this sinister little article from the Seattle Times titled "Glamour + Camping = Glamping (Does it add up for you?)." It depicted a camping trip in the Skagit Valley with "a dozen women, sans children and husbands" and how it quickly morphed into an evening of "dress-up (stilettos, feather boas and false eyelashes required, dahling), party lights strung between two Silver Streak travel trailers, a large bar area for liquid refreshment and a dozen folding lounge chairs around a campfire to make s'mores and talk about life."

I was a little terrified. Because isn't this a little terrifying-sounding? Would you want to stumble upon a glamp-a-thon in the woods? Besides, even if the glampers themselves weren't scary, everyone knows this sort of setup is just asking for trouble. ENTER GRIZZLY BEAR! ENTER HILLBILLY-PSYCHOPATHS! ENTER MICHAEL LOHAN (you never know)!

OK. So I clearly trek to dark places when asked to ... glamp. But that's me.

Maybe you'd actually like to do some glamorous camping yourself this summer. If so, I have product recommendations for you, and Kate and Sarah. The most glamorous camping beauty products ever, to be exact.

CB I Hate Perfume "Outside"
This is an essential oil-based perfume / home fragrance, yes, despite the name of the brand -- it's irony, silly. Top notes are decidedly not bug-spray-like. Instead, think lavender, bergamot, marigold, etc. You can spray your tent, your sleeping bag, and yourself. It's $45, but this is glamping, dear. It ain't cheap.

Tocca Stella SPF 30+ Sunscreen Towelettes
One of the best-smelling beauty brands ingeniously combined their most popular, crazy-gorgeous scent, Italian blood orange-infused Stella (ohh, how I love it), and packaged it into handy on-the-go sunscreen towelettes that actually ... screen your skin from sun. I love them. I barely go outside in this heat anymore, much less go glamping, but I love them. Need them. Might be lured into camping with the promise of them waiting for me in my tent. Sighhh...

Hillhouse Naturals Mosquito Repellent Candle
I have an insect phobia, too -- can you tell? This is a big, hefty tri-wick candle that burns beautifully, even if it's just in your nice, safe little apartment where there are no mosquitoes generally to be found. It makes wherever you are smell amazing: like eucalyptus, lemongrass, and mint leaf. At $56, this is definitely ... glamp-y.

The GoGirl Female Urination Device (FUD)
Oh yeah, I'm going there. This is the most glamorous way for any woman to pee in the woods. Plus, it's pink, fits-in-any-bag compact, as cute as a FUD can imaginably be, and has some Euro-chic cred, since cool festival-goer girls have been into them for years. Maybe Kate Moss has used a FUD at Glastonbury. We don't know for sure, but we can dream.


Clean Perfumes CLEAN Dry Shampoo
Clean Perfumes is the only brand of fragrance that I really wear with any kind of consistency anymore. They just make you smell ... CLEAN. Even cleaner that if you had actually showered. So while glamping and dirty-haired, flip your head over, work a few shakes of this powder into your roots, haphazardly work it in where you're greasiest, and voila: just-washed-seeming hair that smells like shampoo. Brilliant. I'll say it again: every product this company makes has been life-changing for me. Trust.