What men really thinkHold on to your hats -- the results of the annual AskMen "Great Male" Survey (which polls respondents from the U.S., U.K., Australia and Canada about what they think makes a "real man") are in.

Hey, guess what? Dudes are nuts! (And not just because they like Big Macs more than Whoppers! Don't they know the Whopper is flame-broiled?!?!)

This year, AskMen also teamed up with Cosmo (although they didn't ask if guys actually like it when you put scrunchies on their wangs) there were some results worthy of note. For example, more than half of men polled said they would dump their girlfriend if she got fat, whereas only 1 in 5 women said the same. For more gender disconnect, see: 40 percent of women think their partners are never or not very often romantic, whereas 75 percent of men think they're consistently romantic. (That would explain that package of brats our S.O. so lovingly gave us last week.)

Enough with the comparing, and more with the brain picking! We already know what we think. Some interesting finds the survey came across:
  • 45 percent of guys believe that aliens are more likely to exist than angels, ghosts or vampires, or even than not existing at all, which may or may not be linked to "The X-Files" now being available for instant viewing on Netflix. Goodbye, social life. Hello, Fox Mulder.
  • 79 percent of guys think that men get screwed by the courts in divorce, which is funny, because we seem to recall our single mom eating ketchup sandwiches after her divorce because she couldn't afford groceries. Huh.
  • 48 percent of guys say the appeal of pursuing a "trashy" mistress is that she "will probably do things in the bedroom that I wouldn't dare ask a girlfriend or wife." Hey, thanks for not asking. We'd much rather you bang a whore!
  • 38 percent of men say that beer is the ultimate man drink. The other 62 percent were secretly disappointed that "kiwi daiquiri" wasn't an option.

Those random bits were culled from the whole thing, but the survey was broken up into three sections: Dating & Sex, Lifestyle, and Men in 2010.

From Dating & Sex:

  • 67 percent of dudes believe in the institution of marriage and, like, actually want to get married.
  • So much so that 48 percent of guys said it's somewhat important for a girlfriend to have "wife potential," and 30 percent said it's a must. That's why we recommend replacing all your key chains with miniature kitchen utensils.
  • Good news, dummies -- intelligence came in last on the list of what guys look for in a girlfriend. See what's more important here.
Men certainly have some interesting Lifestyle opinions too. Por ejemplo:
  • Italy has the best-dressed men. The U.S. came in third. Uh, really? Perhaps they didn't see this.
  • Michelob Ultra be damned -- 66 percent of men say they haven't cut their carb intake because of recent dieting trends.
  • And apparently 64 percent of men cook at home and like it, although it is important to bear in mind that we saw an old guy roommate of ours mix a can of GOYA pink beans with a pint of unflavored yogurt, two sticks of string cheese, and some old chicken broth and then say it tasted good.
And Men in 2010 have got a few things they'd like to say:
  • They're sick of Justin Bieber. For realz. Can't we put him on a rocket to the moon yet?
  • They're sick of Lady Gaga. For realz. See above.
  • They think that being a great father and husband who takes care of his family is the best way to define a "real man." Awwwwww. We won't make fun of that.
For more information (yes, there's even more) on what guys think about topics ranging from the environment to fake boobs, check out the complete survey at AskMen. Still ... the Big Mac? Seriously? It's like you're from Mars, and women are from some other place where everyone knows what a delicious fast food sandwich tastes like.