It all started when I was a doe-eyed college grad interning at a magazine for a whopping $6.75 an hour in New York City. Every day around 2 o'clock, I'd get together with other broke publishing hopefuls in our cafeteria for gossip-filled brown-bag lunches. We could only afford homemade salads (and zip-lock rations of Raisin Bran on a good day), but one topic always kept us full: our misadventures with men. Over the years, lunches turned to dinners, as we all landed jobs that afforded us more than iceberg lettuce, but those hilarious/shameful dating stories that took our friendship beyond the cubicle were still our main entree.
During one particular gathering, while contemplating what to order for dessert (we can afford such luxuries now), I jokingly blurted, "Can I get a man with that?" And thus, CanIGetAManWithThat.com
Launched earlier this year, Can I Get a Man With That? is a cheeky online destination for women to anonymously share their tales of revenge, wild hook-ups and dating disasters, or read stories from other women who share their relationship woes. In three months, the site has received hundreds of cringe-worthy dating confessions, including an absurd amount of drinking debacles. The site's contributors have tossed their cookies, forgotten their periods and narrowly escaped the law while under the influence. And the best of these confessions usually begin with "I met this guy at the bar ..."
1. I met this guy at the bar ... and pocket-dialed my dad while declaring, "I want you to f**k me like you did in the shower."
As if this isn't cringe-worthy enough, her dad's voicemail recorded the explicit details of her "steamy" hook-up -- and he called the next morning to make her listen to the replay! How's that for cruel and unusual punishment? One crucial bit of advice before hitting the bars: The keypad lock is your friend.
2. I met this guy at the bar ... and missed a blip on my gaydar.
He was "relatively cute" and had "several tattoos," says an inebriated contributor. But little did she know her new boyfriend was "bi-curious." He asked her to join him in a threesome ... with another guy! "When confronted with the idea of two penises, four balls and one me," she says, "I was slightly frightened."3. I met this guy at the bar ... and his dog ate my underwear.
Imagine waking up from a hangover at a guy's apartment only to find your unmentionables chewed to shreds. It happened to one of our contributors. "His dog, Trouble, had a real thing for my underwear," she says. Even worse, it started raining during her walk of shame through the financial district. And she was wearing a WHITE tunic - commando! The Dow wasn't the only thing that got a rise that day.
4. I met this guy at the bar ... and he said a prayer, thanking God for penises and vaginas.
If you think that's bizarre, this, um, secular prayer came before he called his mom to let her know he was about to lose his virginity. And -- wait for it -- he asked our unfortunately sober contributor to pose for a picture in her underwear as a memento. This is one scenario where she would've been better off drunk.
5. I met this guy at the bar ... and was mistaken for a prostitute.
It all started when her guy answered a knock at the door in the "midst of fantastic sex" ... and never returned. Come to find out, he was a drug dealer on the run. Our panicked contributor raced to a nearby McDonald's in her LBD and after-sex glow to phone a friend, when the cops mistook her for a prostitute and told her to take her act somewhere else.
6. I met this guy at the bar ... and he turned out to be a psycho.
The line between drunk and crazy is thinner than Kate Moss, but it's safer to assume the guy who seems "a little off" at the bar is probably crazy. One of our contributors dismissed her gut and went on a date with a psycho. She ended up fleeing the scene after he nearly attacked her on a New York subway.
7. I met this guy at the bar ... and threw up in his bathroom sink.
We've all tossed our cookies in front of a guy at least once; consider it a dating rite of passage. But instead of accepting her initiation with the alcohol gods, one contributor told her guy that the mess she made in his sink was really a mysterious plumbing problem. He promptly told her leave. She later tried to make amends by texting him to come over and "clog my sink." He never responded.
8. I met this guy at the bar ... and he invited me to his citizenship party.
At least it wasn't a private invitation to a dungeon down under. After sucking face with a stranger outside an Australian bar, another "influenced" contributor found herself stranded at 3:30 a.m. with no phone, no money and no ID because her friends left with her wallet. She accepted a ride home from the rando, who could've easily been an ax murderer. Luckily, the only thing he wanted in return was her presence at his green card fete.
9. I met this guy at the bar ... and left with his wallet.
OK. She left with $15 out of his wallet, but still, this is college we're talking about. It was probably all the poor guy had. This broke college contributor was determined to mooch and steal to get her booze fix. And money wasn't the only thing she lifted. The next morning, she left unnoticed in his saggy boxers, too.
10. I met this guy at the bar ... and woke up the next morning with 10 hickeys on my neck.
No one past the age of 16 should have a hickey, let alone 10 hickeys! Apparently, this is what happens when you lock yourself in a utility closet at the back of the bar with a handsome Scottish man. Unfortunately, for this contributor, she had voice therapy the next morning, where her neck would, once again, be the center of attention. She frantically texted her friends for remedies on how to get rid of a hickey. No dice. Her therapist now thinks she's a hussy.
Charlise is the founder/editor of Can I Get a Man With That? Since working in marketing at Seventeen, Travel + Leisure, and People, she now enjoys the finer things in life -- like red velvet cheesecake at Martha's Country Bakery in her native Queens, N.Y. And in case you're wondering, she doesn't have a man with that.