FEED IT.

ROT IT.


Sailors, Fighting in the Dance Hall
A class of seventh graders in Cottonwood, Calif., has discovered a secret cave on Mars. And they said those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books weren't educational. (Yahoo!)

She Takes My Yuan, Well I'm in Need
With its wacky gender disparity, China sees the rise of the gold-digger. (LA Times)

What Happens in the Annex ...
A new novel questions whether or not Anne Frank may have hooked up with Peter van Pels, the boy with whom she was in hiding. Funny, people are sort of outraged about this. (XX)

Let's Just Worry About the Fatties, America

Forbes' Kiri Blakeley wishes we would quit worrying about whether skinny celebs are ruining the body images of young girls and worry about something constructive -- like our cankles. (Forbes)

National Pride
Constance McMillan, the lesbian who, like, RUINED PROM with her lesbianity, has been invited to the White House for an LGBT reception. (CNN)



Mommy Issues Weekly

The lovely Helen Mirren, 64, poses topless, looks slammin', in this week's New York magazine. You know you want to click. Go ahead. Don't be afraid. (PopEater)

Hannah Montana's Southern Charms

Miley Cyrus's side-vag: upsetting (?), controversial (?), confusing (?), illegal. (WWTDD)

In Other Kitty News ...

The much-abused tiny hat kitten is back, this time with an ice cream for his troubles. Just take five minutes and let him and his millinery take you to a special place. (BuzzFeed)

Somebody Might Want to Marry Avril Lavigne Again

But it's mega-tool Brody Jenner, so don't beat yourself up over still being single. (Perez Hilton)

Paging Dr. Spock

Tasteful, demure, and not incestuous as always, Kourtney Kardashian waxes her sister's vagina on television. (Gawker)

(Images: Getty)