Jun 22nd 2010 By Teresa Wu
Do Guys Really Suffer More After a Breakup?
Any girl who's ever had her heart broken knows living in a world of puffy, swollen eyes, a Mt. Everest of Kleenex, and half-eaten pints of Half Baked -- all while our ex-boyfriends move on in cold indifference. But the Journal of Health and Social Behavior claims that men suffer more after a breakup -- and Lemondrop's [Redacted] Guy agrees, too, citing his own experience plunging into post-dumpage despair.
But are breakups really more painful for men? And if so, why?
James argues that guys take it harder than we do. "Women prepare themselves in the weeks and months leading up to a breakup. When the breakup finally happens, they're already on their way and the guy's left standing around dumbfounded."
Adds Nick, "Luckily for girls, they don't ever really get very attached, or if they do, they have no problem letting go. Part of the issue is that men aren't supposed to express bad feelings. So they don't, and the feelings fester."
Abby says that maybe it's a matter of the girl just not being as into the relationship. "I think maybe women tend to *try* to reciprocate feelings for a guy who's crazy about them -- guys usually decide right away whether or not they like a girl, whereas girls tend to think about it more. All of which leads to more of the kind of break-up ... where the love-struck guy is crushed while the more grounded woman is fine."
But the women who have experienced incredible heartbreak disagree. Says O'Honey, "
As a woman who is in the midst of heartache of the magnitude you describe in your article, I'm going to have to disagree that breakups are harder on the guy. He seems just fine and is indifferent to my feelings. I was utterly blindsided by the breakup, as our relationship was of the mythical equal balance of feelings variety. We were both very very into each other and then he decided to end it without warning based on external circumstances. Anyway, long story short, I'm practically vomiting from sorrow and confusion every single second of the day and he's just moved on."
All the back-and-forth just makes us wonder: Does either sex actually take the harder hit? Haveyouseenmykeys says, "
It's not that men suffer more after a breakup, it's that the person who does the breaking up suffers less."
At the end of the day, says lvdwillia, "
Breakups suck. I don't believe there is a gender difference when it comes to heartache. Your pain depends upon how invested you are in the relationship at the time of the breakup. There is no science to it. It is what it is. Men hurt. Women hurt. It's all part of this crazy thing called love that we spend our lives chasing."
Tell us! In your experience, do men or women suffer more after a breakup?