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I think my parents really wanted one son and one daughter. What other reason would they have had for egging on my adorableness with pigtails and lots of pink, while my older sister was forced to sport a short bowl cut paired with androgynous turtlenecks and slacks?That's us, at left, in our youth.
Then, when recently I read that Lady Gaga had overshadowed her younger sister Natali by showing up at her high school graduation dressed in a beekeeper's hat, see-through pants and sky-high platforms, I felt a pang of guilt and couldn't help but think, Did I spend my childhood Gaga-ing my sister?
Gaga swears her intention wasn't to detract from Natali but, rather, to show off to the school that had made her feel scorned. And my intention wasn't ever to take away from Elena but rather to show off to anyone who would watch me! I mean, I was a kid. Unlike Gaga, I didn't pick my uniform. My mom put bows in my hair and shoved me into sailor dresses, encouraging me to prance and perform. Meanwhile, she chopped off all of Elena's hair, giving her the look of a freshman engineering student at MIT. And somehow I don't think Lady Gaga's mommy made her wear that beekeeper hat.
As I've grown up, I've been forced to wonder: Was it our appearance -- or our natural personas -- that caused little-girl me to be the outgoing, obnoxious, cute sister and my sister Elena to be the smart, silent hero?
Perhaps it was because she was four years older that my parents assumed she would be the brains in the family. Maybe the younger me felt I had to go to extra lengths to get my parents' attention?
The fact is, regardless of how it happens, sibling rivalry sucks. When we hear stories of one sibling outshining the other, we can't help but remember our own adolescent insecurities. Whether you played the part of the pigtailed princess or the bowl-cut-wearing brainiac, you feel bad if you took away from your sibling -- or if your sibling took away from you.
In our household, I would regale my parents with dramatic readings of poems while Elena was teaching them -- newly arrived immigrants -- how to program the VCR. When we had holiday dinners, I'd hog the attention by lip syncing and dancing to the California Raisins (with these performances encouraged by my mother, who loved watching her "little dolly do the show"), while Elena ferried the dirty plates to the dishwasher. And when it came time to use our super VHS video camera, she was usually the shooter, while I (along with my parents) claimed the screen. In fact, home movies from our 1987 trip to Disney World show my poor sister lugging the camera bag around the Magic Kingdom as I canoodled with Goofy and Donald Duck.
Before you start feeling too bad for Elena, let me just share what happened when I went from pigtails to puberty. In high school, she ditched the sad-looking spectacles, grew her hair long and began to expose her own obnoxious, outgoing self. In junior high, I got frizzy hair, low self-esteem and a terribly abusive best friend who overshadowed the hell out of me. For a while it seemed all the boys I had crushes on had crushes on my hot older sister. And Elena's intelligence paid off as she got into her first-choice college, while me and my B- average just barely got accepted anywhere. So, for the record, my sister had plenty of moments where she Gaga-ed me.
As we both emerged into adulthood I, of course, became an entertainer and she a successful therapist. Now our sisterly shadows are a seesaw. Sometimes Elena gets more glory (like when she got her graduate degree, had a baby, gained and then lost 20 pounds) and sometimes I steal the show (like when I do stand-up, published my first article, gained and then lost 20 pounds).
We do not intentionally take away; if anything, we give. When I have an audition or a show, Elena is my number one cheerleader, promoting me to her friends and clapping the hardest in the crowd. And when Elena told me she wanted to start acting on the side, I bombarded her with drama books, advice and encouragement. (I think that now Elena may even be booking more gigs than I am!)
As adults, I like it better when my sister and I take turns shining, and I know she does too.
Sadly, since Lady Gaga is a megastar, I'm not sure Natali and Gaga can take turns shining, at least not on the global stage. But hopefully at holiday dinners, Lady Gaga does cede the spotlight and loads the dishwasher. And, of course, we know very little about how much their parents played in shaping those roles. My sister and I have since asked our mom countless times, "Seriously, why would you give Elena that terrible haircut?" and she simply smiles and says, "It just fit her."
So, I guess we'll never know what came first, the dork or the 'do.
Giulia Rozzi is a comedian, actress, writer and creator of the Web series The Message Board. You can see her every month co-hosting the hit storytelling show Stripped Stories at UCB NY and performing weekly stand-up around NYC and beyond. More here.
