Growing up, I was never the girl who dreamed of her perfect wedding gown or envisioned where the ceremony would take place. Instead, my future consisted of covering concerts and stalking bands for an interview. There's nothing wrong with that, right?One afternoon, while at my day job -- which was much less glamorous than my dream of living "Almost Famous" -- I heard my phone vibrate and saw I had a text message from my younger sister. Interested, I opened it to find a picture of an engagement ring that read, "We're engaged!"
I thought it was a joke.
You see, my sister dated a lot. Not to say I never thought she'd settle down, but my parents and I had a phrase going: Every time she'd bring a new boy home, we'd joke that he was the latest member of the Boyfriend of the Month club.
I tried calling her right away, but my call went straight to voicemail. A few minutes later she called me back: "Yep, it's true, Annie," she squealed. "I'm engaaaaaaaaged!"
I was speechless.
She'd been dating this guy for about five months. I think I'd met him twice. I didn't know what to say. Then I started feeling guilty because I should be happy for her, but instead I broke into uncontrollable tears. You have to understand: This had nothing to do with me. I was worried my sister was about to make the mistake of a lifetime.
Later that night, I went out drinking with my girlfriends. Throughout the night, my phone buzzed nonstop with a blitzkrieg of texts and calls, all asking if my sister's recent relationship status update on Facebook was true. "Why, yes it is," I'd reply to their shock. Many of my cousins didn't even know she had broken up with her last boyfriend.
The next afternoon I woke up to find out the new fiance and his parents were coming over for dinner.
Oh, joy.
I was nervous, so of course it took me extra long to get ready, and just as I was bracing myself for the evening, my mom came up the stairs.
"You can't ever be happy for your sister, can you?" she said. "You're just jealous. Don't try to make me pity you. Grow up, Annie."
I can't believe this, I thought.
I always imagined being super-excited when hearing the news that my little sister got engaged. But, come on, I barely knew the guy. How was I supposed to throw my weight behind this when I had no idea who he was or whether he was going to treat her well? For that matter, how could my parents?
Did the news of a wedding eclipse any notion of common sense?
All along I couldn't help but think how much easier it would be if I were a guy. At least then my shock and skepticism would be cute: Awww, lucky her, she's got an overprotective older brother.
Unfortunately, I'm not a guy. I'm a 25-year old woman who's in no hurry to settle down, but instead, I was automatically labeled the jealous older sister who couldn't bear to see her baby sister get married first.
And I do wish I could report things that got better, but they didn't.
Family gatherings now consisted of nonstop wedding discussion, peppered with the occasional, "Annie, are you dating anyone?"
"No, I'm waiting for John Mayer," I would reply, then quickly walk away.
Closer to the wedding it just got worse. After going for a makeup trial with my sister and best friend Ansela (who is also getting married this summer), her mother asked me, "Why aren't you getting married? You're getting old. You don't want to have kids when you're 30."
Hey, John Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston, is 47 and pregnant; I think I'll be fine.
Later, Ansela would tell me that the day before her mom kept asking her questions about my dating life, insinuating that I was a lesbian. Not that I have anything against lesbians, but when did being 25 and single automatically put me into the category of being gay?
Even my dad started to make comments. That's when it got really uncomfortable.
One night, when I casually said, "I'm freezing," my dad replied, "You need wine or a boyfriend to keep you warm."
Really, dad? Then pop open a bottle of merlot for me, please. No need for a glass.
Remember that scene in "27 Dresses" where Katherine Heigl's character, Jane, is confronted by an older aunt?
"Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you," her aunt says, mentally wringing her hands.
"Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!" she replies to her disturbed aunt.
I can't tell you how many times I wanted to try that phrase out for myself.
Throughout my sister's engagement I would often proclaim to my family, "I'm never getting married and never having kids!" Mostly, to get everyone off my back and make them think that, in fact, I had no desire to ever take the plunge.
After all, my great Aunt Theresa, who lived well into her 80's, had always been the most outspoken and energetic member of our family. She never married or had any children and she would often travel to Ireland to visit family or cruise to exotic locations with her girlfriends. Not a bad life at all, I found myself thinking, more often than I ever had before.
"Aunt Theresa never got married and she was the happiest out of all of you," I'd say to my parents one night.
"You know what, Annie, you're right," my dad replied.
But, the next day, the siege would start again.
"Next year you'll see what wedding preparation is like when you get married and move in with your husband," my sister's fiancé often told me.
UGH!
In the end, the wedding was beautiful and I gave a kickass maid of honor speech. While I danced the night away with my cousins and closest friends, I couldn't help but think about how happy I truly was living my dream as a freelance writer. Besides, despite everyone's curiosity and concerns with my love life, when and if I ever decide to get married, is MY business, not theirs.
While being the "older, unmarried sister" definitely isn't the best introduction at parties, at least I'm not the cat lady – yet. On the bright side, I have one younger sister, which means I only had to go through this once. That IS a good thing, right?
Annie Reuter writes music blog, You Sing I Write. Although she has six weddings this summer, she doesn't plan on getting married anytime soon. That is, of course unless John Mayer pops the question.












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Tuesday 15 June
By Kelly
such a great article!!! Loved it!!
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Monday 14 June
By Kiddo
I've been through this...twice. Both of my younger sisters are married, and I'm still not. The first time was pretty painful, but by the time the second sister got hitched, I had fully embraced my single status. In fact, I was asked by quite a few strangers if I happened to be the bride's "fierce, single" sister they'd heard so much about. Why, yes. Of course, I got specifically called out to the dance floor for the bouquet toss...but I made sure to stand in the back.
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Tuesday 15 June
By jkfjdsa
if you're a woman and not married by 25 you're considered damaged goods and too old to be worth marrying. 14 is the prime age for girls
Monday 14 June
By Miss J
I feel your pain!
I was 16 when my older sister married, so it was acceptable to be the single maid of honor. However, when my 20 year old, YOUNGER brother married, and I was yet again the single, now 23 year old bridesmaid, suddenly my fierce determination to finish college, travel the world and live a little before even considering getting married was met with skepticism and looks of pity.
I couldn't believe it when my own grandmother insinuated there was something wrong with me or I must be gay, because I was single and not seriously involved with anyone at 23, 23 for crying out loud!
If you're the older, unmarried, sister, there is no getting away from being labeled "jealous."
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Tuesday 15 June
By Sara
Yeah, I've heard that one, too. Not that my family is trying to pry or be mean, but being single and 23 with a sparse dating history makes them worry. It took years for me to convince them that I am happy... and I'm still not sure they believe me. When they harp on the subject, I like to remind them that even though I am in a sub-culture wherein women regularly marry at 20, elsewhere in the country they are considered crazy if they get hitched before 30. There are also monks and nuns 'round the world who probably reach greater levels of fulfillment than most couples. It's all a matter of perspective.
Monday 14 June
By Jamie
My younger sister got married last year at 20...I was 24 and single. My youngest sister also got engaged at 17 the same year. It was only mildly uncomfortable for me, but I supported my sister enough to obtain a Notary Public license so that I could perform the ceremony (and get out of wearing a bridesmaid dress). I thought both were two young, especially the first one because I didn't approve of how fast they wanted to go from newlyweds to parents...while still living with the folks. The second sister is at least planning on finishing college before getting married, and starting a career before having kids...maybe, we'll see how it goes.
All I know is that EVERY study ever has shown that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced. So, I don't feel particularly uncomfortable about being single at 25 with one married and one engaged younger sister. I just started dating my best friend from college (so I guess I'm not technically single anymore), who I think would make a far more mature and responsible husband than either of my sisters' choices. My mom didn't get married until 27 (my dad was 33), and they're still married 28 years later. Waiting longer can pay off..
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Monday 14 June
By Leslie
Actually the older you get married the higher the divorce rate. check your info again.
Tuesday 15 June
By cnb23
On a different note, my parents were high school sweethearts and got married at 21, so it can definately work both ways. They've been happily married for 28 years.
Tuesday 15 June
By beautydanger
I LOVE this story! My little sister just got married over the weekend, and it seems like no one understands how I feel, or even cares. Problem is, I'm gonna be 30 in a couple weeks, and I have no prospects at all. I think I am gonna be the crazy cat lady, but at least I can still have fun, right?
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Thursday 17 June
By codie
this is the first article ive read "fully" without exiting out
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Monday 14 June
By matt
Ya well skank you suck as a writer so I bet you would as a wife as well.
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Wednesday 30 November
By Natalie
You are a complete idiot.
Monday 14 June
By Mike
Great article. Saw an old text message today you might find useful. "Don't you hate weddings because old people always poke you and say, "You're next". So I started doing the same shit to them at funerals!"
Try that line about sex with strangers. Obviously, they're not too sensitive about your feelings.
Some marry early and it lasts, some don't last. Some marry later and it lasts, some don't last. The only thing that really matters is YOUR choice! I'm not entitled to an opinion!
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Monday 14 June
By Kassandra
Wow... great comment Mike!
Monday 14 June
By harry
Well said Mike.....good job. I'm glad to see some guys "get it" which is probably hard for a few gals to believe....but it's nice to see your positive comments.
Good story Annie....hope your sis got a good man, and only time will tell. Have a wonderful life!
Monday 14 June
By K2inMB
This so reminds me of me! My younger sister got married at 19 (luckily, unlike most early marriages, hers is great 20 years later), so the pressure was on me early and often.
My grandmother's friends were the worst. They'd get together for canasta or bridge and pepper me, my mother or even my grandmother with the endsless "When's she getting married?" One day when I was over at my grandmother's house during one of the marathon canasta games, they asked me one too many times.
Without missing a beat, I replied "I'm not getting married. I'm a lesbian and it's not legal." (This was 20 years ago.) The looks on their faces were priceless. My grandmother had to run into the next room where, when I followed, found her laughing so hard, but silently so as not to give anything away, tears were running down her face. That'll show those prying biddies," she said.
Needless to say, it was the last time any of my grandmother's friends asked.
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Monday 14 June
By Learning to Love being Single
Thanks for the great story! I love the fact that you stood your ground. I hate when people come to me asking if i'm ever going to get married...and I'm 27! Unfortunately, i"ve seen too many people get married young and divorced less than 6 years into the marriage :-(. I want to get married, but I do not want to get married for the wrong reasons. So, i'll sit thru the crazy questions.....
Monday 14 June
By dbldee722
I love g'mas like that! Sounds just like mine!
Monday 14 June
By Gila
I remember when I called my mom to tell her that I broke off my engagement to the man I was dating and later that night she called me to tell me that my sister got engaged.. was kinda painful.. siblings blow sometimes
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Monday 14 June
By Summer
OMGoodness~ LOVED your article chica. I have not been thru it yet but I am an older sister and my younger sister has always dated more than me so I know they day could come! I felt every emotion right along with you when I read this.
Keep up the writing Annie! And here's to your awesome late Aunt Theresa! *Tips wine glass :)
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