Why is it that we can quickly forgive our pets when they misbehave -- like peeing on a brand new rug -- but when our significant other commits a transgression, we can hold a grudge for days? That's exactly what Suzanne B. Phillips, a clinical psychologist and professor at Long Island University poses in a column she recently penned for PsychCentral. As the married owner of two dogs, I was curious to find out what Phillips had to say about how pets can improve our love lives. Her underlying argument: "What is interesting in my work with couples is that although they may vehemently disagree on most topics, they usually both soften in manner and tone to agree that the dog, cat, bird or horse is great. Maybe you give something very positive to your pet that invites the unconditional love and connection that makes you feel so good, and maybe it has potential to enhance your relationship."
We all know what she's talking about. Most (if not all) of us accept what our pets do, good or bad, because we love them unconditionally. So Phillips suggests that the trick is to try and treat partners much like we do the dog or cat -- and she's not talking about rewarding good deeds with snacks.
Greetings
No matter how you feel or what mood you are in, you greet your pet with a positive, even animated, hello and often with a display of physical affection.
Expectations
With pets, maybe it's your lack of expectation that makes the difference. You probably rarely predict that your pet will be angry if you are late. As a result, you don't head home defensively angry in preparation for the reaction you expect to face.
Holding Grudges
When you do return home to find that your cats have redecorated the room with shreds of every tissue they could find or the dog has eaten some of the mail, you may well react with a choice expletive but you are not likely to hold a grudge. You are still going to be petting Donatello or cuddling with Thor the next day.
Assuming the Best
There is a natural tendency to forgive pets their trespasses – after all, the dog wasn't trying to torture you by eating the mail. Was your partner really trying to torture you by putting it in such a safe spot it can't be found?
Acceptance
Few pet owners personalize their pets' reactions to others to an extreme that makes them so embarrassed that they fear their image is tarnished or they become resentful of their pets. The fact that the dog is licking every part of the arriving guest's body is cause to pull him away or laugh it away. The cat that will not come out of hiding or the parrot that is screeching is left without judgment or excuses. That's them!
For Better or For Worse
In most cases, pets are home to stay. People love and care for pets of every size, shape and disposition. "She's not exactly a watch dog; she's loving but easily frightened." "He insists on sleeping on the bed – we have given in." "She steals food from the other dogs, she's pretty hyper, but cute." Few pets live with the fear of being betrayed or with the implication that things are just not working out. Of course they don't – but just consider how the absence of such fears enhances the trust and connection you feel from them!
After reading these whisper tips, I have to ask: Does this mean dog whisperer extraordinaire, Cesar Millan, whose wife just filed for divorce, has a few things to still learn?












Comments:
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Thursday 10 June
By Hannah
Maybe SHE has a few things to learn. Why are breakups automatically assumed as the guy's fault? lol
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Sunday 13 June
By Sue
Break-ups are NOT assumed to be the guy's fault . . . that's not what the writer is trying to say. The writer is implying that the Dog Whisperer (Millan) supposedly understands animal behaviour so well, and can fix any problem a dog has, but can't fix human problems.
Sunday 13 June
By Mark
Breakups are "normally" assumed to be the guys fault, because that's the way WOMEN want it........ because of course, as we all know, women can do no wrong.
Sunday 13 June
By NeonD
Duh-I believe the "Dog Whisperer" is gettng a divorce. Besides, there is SUPPOSED to be a difference between humans and animals and how each treats the other and themselves. If God wanted us to treat our partner like our pet, we'd either be married to several mates or our mate(s) would sleep on the couch or floor. Don't forget how treating your partner like your pet can work the other way too...try making them wait to use the bathroom while you read in there, feeding them your food scraps off the floor, or slapping her/he away while she/he nips at your ears when you're on the phone. The article is a narrow-minded and tunnel-visioned. Wish these AOL "writers" would do more research and learn how to express themselves properly (whcih would translate to "learn how to WRITE") and present both sides in an issue (or knowledge of both, at least). Though it's 2010, TRY at least to write an article, not a drawn out text message, with no real thought to what is being said or how, just that it get said...and quickly!!.
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Monday 14 June
By shanedieselblack
God wants you to go F yourself, Palin retard!
Sunday 13 June
By Mark
They're assumed to be the guys fault because that's the way women want it to be perceived......... and as I said in my post below....... it's the way women want it... because women NEVER make mistakes.
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Wednesday 16 June
By heidi
Mark- You must have went through very difficult problems with women, although there are women who think they are always right there are alot of women who are not like that. My husband and I have been wrong many times over the past 30 years and we always admit when one of us is wrong. It makes a better relationship to admit your wrong no matter who it is and to be honest, I certainly hope you find someone in your life like we have in ours.
Sunday 13 June
By Frank
They made a movie about exactly this subject (from a Book about this) and it
starred Tony Curtis and Natalie Wood...................................she of course was
expecting her husband (Curtis) to shape up or ship out ! Funny how this is now ratoinalized by a Phd. (Piled Higher and Deeper) ! Date is 1960's but
don't remember the Title.
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Sunday 13 June
By Hassie
Wow! I didn't expect to see so many angry, scathing remarks about this article. I thought she made some good points about how to treat each other and the way that unrealistic or unfair expectations can harm relationships. Holding grudges, being happy to see someone and genuinely enjoying the moment seem like good things to me. It's common knowledge that animals love owners unconditionally and wholeheartedly. They live in the moment and their affection is real and generous. Of course human relationships are much more complex (we seem to make them that way), but who can say that the love we get from our pets doesn't make coming home better? As for the Dog Whisperer, I don't know and can't comment. However, there are plenty of men (and women) that could benefit from these suggestions and may wonder if somehow things could have been different in their own relationships.
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Sunday 13 June
By Noman
The Jungle: Here I was born, and here my parents died when I was but an infant. I would have soon perished too, had I not been found by a kindly she-ape named Kala, who adopted me as her own and taught me the ways of the wild. I learned quickly and grew stronger each day, and I now share the friendship and trust of all jungle animals.
The jungle is filled with beauty, and danger, and lost cities filled with good ... and evil.
This is my domain, and I will protect those who come here, for I am philanthropist Herkermer Homolka, formerly of Romania, free now of the chains of Ceausescu, traveling the world, and doing good!
Reply
Monday 14 June
By norm
Wow,Where do you get your LSD from??!!I might want try some of that!
Sunday 13 June
By Chris
Our pets have small brains.....we don't expect much out of them. The idiot husbands we have are just that IDIOTS, they take us for granted, ask for decent words but don't give us any, care about themselves and only themselves. The ones who are still attached to their damn mothers are the worst.
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Monday 14 June
By Kevin
Wow are you just angry at your husband or all males on the planet?
Monday 14 June
By Chaz
Then there the women that smugly smirk that they have NO domestic skills. They do not know how to be a home maker, wife or mother. The husband works hard all day and comes home to a pig sty and has to fix his own and often kid's meals. He has to wash dishes, clean house, do laundry, yard work, fix things around house and cars. He even has to tell wife to give children affection. and go without affection himself. The only reason he stays true and around is because he was raised to be responsible and honorable. O' yea, the wife a Liberal Democrat and the husband an Independent almost republican
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Monday 14 June
By heidi
That is really sad, my husband and i worked all our lives and are now retired and have five childen. I have always kept an immaculate house and we have dogs and cats. I make my husband 3 meals a day plus any snacks he wants.I massage his back,neck,legs and feet and make him comftorable. Women should do everything they can when they have a hard working husband and stay in shape to always look good, men like women who take care of themselves, their spouse and children.
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Monday 14 June
By norm
The eye sees,but CAN NOT see its self!
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Monday 14 June
By shanedieselblack
Cesar Million is a con man who is too wimpy to be a leader to other humans so he needs to take out his frustrations by dominating dogs. But he's made MILLIONS off of you idiots and retards. So even through his divorce, he's laughing at you!
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Monday 14 June
By COWGIRL
THE BEST LESSONS A DOG TEACHES IS TO ''WAG YOUR TAIL, OR SMILE, NOT YOUR TONGUE."
LOVE YOUR PARTNER UNCONDITIONALLY, EVEN IF SHE/HE IS IN A BAD MOOD.
ALWAYS BE READY TO GO ANYWHERE HE/SHE WILL TAKE YOU.
PROTECT WHAT IS YOURS, EVEN TO THE DEATH.
LISTEN AND LEARN TO PLEASE, NOT AGITATE
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Thursday 24 June
By bobo
Great tips.
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