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Have you been hoping to do your part to end the gender wage gap? It might not be as easy as you think. That's because you might be negotiating too much like a dude.

For some reason when women ask for a raise (which apparently rarely happens) they come across as "less agreeable" and "overly demanding," which is why a more nuanced approach is recommended for women, according to a recent article in The New York Times.

The piece took a look at a study by Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, which suggested that women need to take a different approach to asking for a raise than men. The author of the Times article, Tara Siegel Bernard, hit the nail on the head, noting, "You may be asking yourself, as I did, whether negotiating in ways more favorable for women means that we're just succumbing to stereotypes -- or whether the ends justify the means."

The study had a point in suggesting that it helps to actually ask for a raise, rather than busting your hump nonstop and hoping somebody will decide to reward you for it, as women seem prone to do.

When you get up the gumption, here's how a lady should proceed:
  • The best times to ask for a raise are after a (positive) annual review or major achievement. Then, figure out how much you want to ask for by doing research and finding out what people are earning in comparable situations, so you don't accidentally low-ball yourself. One caveat: When we estimate what others around us are making, we tend to compare ourselves to coworkers -- female ones, that is. Often women won't ask male colleagues what they're taking home, thereby skewing the numbers. So nut up, and ask your office husband to spill his bottom line.
  • You should also try to frame your request in such a manner that it seems beneficial for the company to be paying you more, instead of just beneficial for yourself, according to Hannah Riley Bowles, an associate professor at the Kennedy School. In other words, how is your performance padding their bottom line?
If you're not already vaguely insulted by the idea that women should ask differently than men, chew on this -- Bowles warns women to consider negotiating "at home" before asking for anything at work, to make sure that household chores won't become a point of contention should a promotion require them to work more. Practical, perhaps, but would anyone ever give a guy that same piece of advice?

In the end, the article makes a good point -- while it might seem ridiculous that you have to ask your boss for a raise in a special way to avoid seeming pushy, if you've earned it you deserve it. Successfully getting the raise paves the way for women who will follow in your footsteps, and then we won't have to operate under two disparate sets of workplace rules.