When I first read about the trend of women in their 20s going without sex, the first thing I thought was, Oh, right. In my apartment, we call that April. It's fun -- there are burritos.The second thing I thought was, "F**k you guys." Lots of us go without sex for long stretches of time (I mean, like, not THAT long) and don't attach any significance to it other than being sort of crabby. And here are these girls posing in plunging sundresses, talking about not getting laid like it's a juice fast.
These women -- most of them sex-positive and admittedly experienced -- claim that locking it up can make you more focused, help your career and improve your relationships.
Katie Jean Arnold, a performer and "access bars" practitioner (it's a kind of aided meditation therapy, we gather) has been voluntarily celibate before, but her decision to embark on a more epic sex fast was featured in a recent New York Post article (alongside Wikipedia-page-having entity Julia Allison and some girl who says that not f**king helps her be a better wedding-dress designer). Katie spoke to me about why you shouldn't hate her for taking her sex fast public, and why it's actually improving her job and her interactions with men.
Julieanne: OK, I have to get this out of the way. Are you like, "Oh, f**k, my name is up on the Internet with Julia Allison's now?"
Katie Jean Arnold: I'm new here ... No one likes her?
Ha, you are "new here." Cliffs Notes: She's the worst.
Ha ha. Well, I just figured being in the Post would be funny.
Exactly. I love how it's news that a pretty girl in New York isn't having sex. In the past, you've been celibate for as long as eight months. How long are you going this time?
It's been two weeks so far. The last hook-up I had was so easy and so hilarious. It was so New York City for me -- I got picked up on a subway platform. I'd see people making out on and near the subway, and I wanted that experience. Now that I've had it, I'm on to other things. Like working on my music. I'm going to be celibate until I sign a record contract -- a lucrative one. Or, I guess until I get married. But I'm not dating, or open to it right now.
Wow. So is this more of an "I'm feeling dirty" thing or an "I'm training to fight Apollo Creed" thing?
I'm training to fight Apollo. There's nothing dirty about it. I was so happy to share my story with the Post because I thought the last hook-up was so funny. I called my friend the morning after laughing.
But a lot of women who are being interviewed about the celibacy trend are using really negative language to talk about sex. You told the Post that "Sex in New York for me had become like the 99-cent package of Ding Dongs on the corner." I think it can get easy to conflate casual sex with something shameful.
No shame! My sister [an adult Internet model] is the party girl. I was taking part in her world for a while. And sex, of course, is a fun part of my world. I think it's funny that sex is discussed so much, whether it's being celibate or being a slut.
So it's more about channeling energy into other things than sex than abstaining for moral reasons?
It is about that. I can only focus on a few things at once.
I live in New York. I'm single. I often go a couple of months without sex. It blows. But is it really that hard to Not Get Laid?
It's a complete energy shift.
It's just not pursuing sex.
Before I was viewing each guy I met as a potential partner. Do I like him? Does he like me? Blah, blah, blah. Now there is no thought about that, because I am not doing that right now.
So you just lay down the law with guys right away?
I was doing energy work on two guys this past Saturday night. I traded one of them Access Bars work (an hour process that has me touch different points on the head) for Thai massage and I told him how I wasn't having sex. And he just laughed and was like, "Oh, my God!"
He thought Thai massage meant "Thai massage."
No, the "Thai massage" was nice and legit. I was working on an attractive guy and it was actually easier to work with him, because attraction did not matter, because that's not in the cards for me at all. Being celibate is also like prolonged foreplay with myself. I remember last time, when I was celibate for eight months, and I chose to have sex again -- it was sooooo much fun.
Can you masturbate?
Yeah, masturbation is fine. I'm celibate from sex with others.
Phew. OK, but you've done sex fasts before. Does it get really difficult at some point?
I've used sex as a stress relief in the past. It's fun to have a few drinks and then have sex.
So I hear.
But so as long as I work, keep active in performing improv and music, keep myself at the gym, and attend yoga regularly, I'll be totally fine. [In terms of sexual frustration] my body goes in a three-week cycle, so I'll probably add in some terrifying adrenaline pumping activity every three weeks. This next week, I'll probably do some stand-up to get me that same "high."
Important question: do you find that dudes are more into you when you remove sex from the equation?
Totally. You always want what you can't have.
Indeed.
Katie Jean Arnold is a musician, comedian and Access Consciousness Bars Facilitator in New York.












Comments:
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Sunday 16 May
By Elle
I'm really happy to see all these chaste people living and promoting God's wishes! There are people like us; never give in to temptation! It'll all be worth it.
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Sunday 16 May
By tayfatso
I think that it is wrong to regard virginity as something new, weird, and worthy of an article. It's not. Virginity is not something that deserves a "wow". It's just a choice like any other choice. Sex is so worshiped now a days that to not take part in it it is considered weird and off. It's no news, she doesn't want to have sex, woopty doo. This article really displays society's views on sex. Sex is a norm, something to conform to and if you're not conforming to sex then you aren't in the "in" crowd I guess. And as far as the purpose of sex, it's all about preference. My personal opinion is naturalness. Sex is natural. It will happen naturally and will be appreciated naturally and as humans we make the choice when it feels natural or not. Sex is nothing to be scared of and virginity is nothing to place your dignity on. Most men don't hold their virginity sacred, but women are expected to hold on to it as long as they can and if they don't they are not pure. Virginity is not who you are it's just a fact. No sex vs. Sex. It doesn't define a person so in this article it shouldn't define her, the article should simply read, "Stranger is virgin in New York City" because that is all it is.
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Sunday 16 May
By Tim
Wow, this post is really making me hungry for some pussy.
Reply
Sunday 16 May
By Kare
Iora, you're absolutely right about everything you said abut marriage etc. It was actually invented as a financial arrangment.
I respect people's spiritual paths,and relgious faith, but I have to say it gets frustrating to hear this stuff about what marriage means and what God wants.
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Sunday 16 May
By K
Actually, Kare - it's thought that marriage came into being far earlier even then any kind of economic system came into play; marriage was invented to assure paternity of offspring. If sex only occurs within a marriage, a man *knows* a woman's child is his and thus can invest resources in it without fear of supporting another man's child and damaging his own reproductive success.
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Monday 17 May
By jaderdavila
if you like lemon soufflé
something that is delicious and is good for you
and decides to go along without it for any reason
all you're getting is a time without delight
living miserable for a time
life is short and if you dont live it fully
you'll feel empty in your old days
wilhelm reich showed us that sex is such a exhilariation system
for you to go fresh and joyfull to work on monday mornings
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Monday 17 May
By SWCASH
Is being a virgin mean you are celebet? I've been with a few "virgins". They say they're saving it for their husband and using Bill Clinton's definition of "SEX". (vaginal intercourse). To them I ask do you spit or swallow. A guy can put it in anywhere except in the vagina and they still claim to have never had SEX and remain a Virgin. It's fine with me, but they should not try and deceive by acting innocent and claiming to never had SEX.. Sex is what it is.
Squido
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Monday 17 May
By Gunther
There are some things that are not understandable to me about the USA!
In my country (Germany), sex is no big deal. Many people like to make sex together, its quite usual, we do not feel cheap or as if we don't have the energies because of this!
Alles gut. Tschuess!
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Monday 17 May
By Mike
There are some things that are not understandable to me about the USA!
In my country (Germany), sex is no big deal. Many people like to make sex together, its quite usual, we do not feel cheap or as if we don't have the energies because of this!
Alles gut. Tschuess!
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Sunday 13 June
By Greg
To the first poster Emmy: most girls (not all) DO get an advantage from sex - it's called INTENSE erotic PLEASURE and an orgasm. You can only get this kind of intense physical and emotional sensation from having sex (and, of course, having the REAL thing instead of masterbating, is much better). There's nothing wrong with a girl who enjoys and wants to feel these sensations - i.e., have sex.
When there's a girl who doesn't lie to herself and wants to have sex, _society_ calls her a "slut." This is really f*ing stupid. Women have been so conditioned in our society with the idea that they're not supposed to like sex - it's just rediculous. Can someone here that disagrees with me answer this question: WHY is a girl supposed to not like sex??? Why are they supposed to "hold out"? The human race would not be around today if girls didn't have the urge to have sex!
And to Gunther - hallo, güten tag! Yes, you are so right. What is the big deal about sex anyway in the USA? Like we're trying to say, "oh we're so much better than you, we can hold out on sex" BS. It's so stupid. It's just another way that some insecure girl can make herself FEEL important because she thinks SOCIETY will view her as "better" than the rest. OMG people - get something else to make you feel important, please!
Casual sex is FINE as long as BOTH people agree beforehand that they both just want an orgasm, not a romantic relationship, and safe sex practices are used. That way, nobody gets hurt.
Now I'm not knocking the people who want to wait until marriage to have sex - that's totally cool. I think there's nothing wrong with using "delayed gratification" to make things that much better. But I think marriages like this only work between two ugly people that both waited to lose their virginities to each other.
All in all, what is the big deal about being celebit? What is the big deal about having sex? If you want to be celebit, OK cool, but we don't need some news article making it seem like celebit people are "cooler" than the rest of society. To all the girls (and this might seem weird coming from a guy): if you want to have sex, then go out and have some wild and crazy sex from as many dudes as you want!!! The guys and girls who label you as "sluts" are only jealous because they can't get laid.
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Monday 14 June
By Greg
Oh, one more thing I forgot to add to my last comment where I wrote too much and got carried away:
These celebit girls are making it seem like by abstaning from sex they are "gaining" energy to do other things. I think usually the opposite occurs (at least for me, and I'm a dude): if I don't have sex (and I mean from a real girl, not my hand), my energy level goes DOWN. Sex, for me, definitely GIVES me energy - I do better work when my sex life is satisfied.
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