When I first read about the trend of women in their 20s going without sex, the first thing I thought was, Oh, right. In my apartment, we call that April. It's fun -- there are burritos.The second thing I thought was, "F**k you guys." Lots of us go without sex for long stretches of time (I mean, like, not THAT long) and don't attach any significance to it other than being sort of crabby. And here are these girls posing in plunging sundresses, talking about not getting laid like it's a juice fast.
These women -- most of them sex-positive and admittedly experienced -- claim that locking it up can make you more focused, help your career and improve your relationships.
Katie Jean Arnold, a performer and "access bars" practitioner (it's a kind of aided meditation therapy, we gather) has been voluntarily celibate before, but her decision to embark on a more epic sex fast was featured in a recent New York Post article (alongside Wikipedia-page-having entity Julia Allison and some girl who says that not f**king helps her be a better wedding-dress designer). Katie spoke to me about why you shouldn't hate her for taking her sex fast public, and why it's actually improving her job and her interactions with men.
Julieanne: OK, I have to get this out of the way. Are you like, "Oh, f**k, my name is up on the Internet with Julia Allison's now?"
Katie Jean Arnold: I'm new here ... No one likes her?
Ha, you are "new here." Cliffs Notes: She's the worst.
Ha ha. Well, I just figured being in the Post would be funny.
Exactly. I love how it's news that a pretty girl in New York isn't having sex. In the past, you've been celibate for as long as eight months. How long are you going this time?
It's been two weeks so far. The last hook-up I had was so easy and so hilarious. It was so New York City for me -- I got picked up on a subway platform. I'd see people making out on and near the subway, and I wanted that experience. Now that I've had it, I'm on to other things. Like working on my music. I'm going to be celibate until I sign a record contract -- a lucrative one. Or, I guess until I get married. But I'm not dating, or open to it right now.
Wow. So is this more of an "I'm feeling dirty" thing or an "I'm training to fight Apollo Creed" thing?
I'm training to fight Apollo. There's nothing dirty about it. I was so happy to share my story with the Post because I thought the last hook-up was so funny. I called my friend the morning after laughing.
But a lot of women who are being interviewed about the celibacy trend are using really negative language to talk about sex. You told the Post that "Sex in New York for me had become like the 99-cent package of Ding Dongs on the corner." I think it can get easy to conflate casual sex with something shameful.
No shame! My sister [an adult Internet model] is the party girl. I was taking part in her world for a while. And sex, of course, is a fun part of my world. I think it's funny that sex is discussed so much, whether it's being celibate or being a slut.
So it's more about channeling energy into other things than sex than abstaining for moral reasons?
It is about that. I can only focus on a few things at once.
I live in New York. I'm single. I often go a couple of months without sex. It blows. But is it really that hard to Not Get Laid?
It's a complete energy shift.
It's just not pursuing sex.
Before I was viewing each guy I met as a potential partner. Do I like him? Does he like me? Blah, blah, blah. Now there is no thought about that, because I am not doing that right now.
So you just lay down the law with guys right away?
I was doing energy work on two guys this past Saturday night. I traded one of them Access Bars work (an hour process that has me touch different points on the head) for Thai massage and I told him how I wasn't having sex. And he just laughed and was like, "Oh, my God!"
He thought Thai massage meant "Thai massage."
No, the "Thai massage" was nice and legit. I was working on an attractive guy and it was actually easier to work with him, because attraction did not matter, because that's not in the cards for me at all. Being celibate is also like prolonged foreplay with myself. I remember last time, when I was celibate for eight months, and I chose to have sex again -- it was sooooo much fun.
Can you masturbate?
Yeah, masturbation is fine. I'm celibate from sex with others.
Phew. OK, but you've done sex fasts before. Does it get really difficult at some point?
I've used sex as a stress relief in the past. It's fun to have a few drinks and then have sex.
So I hear.
But so as long as I work, keep active in performing improv and music, keep myself at the gym, and attend yoga regularly, I'll be totally fine. [In terms of sexual frustration] my body goes in a three-week cycle, so I'll probably add in some terrifying adrenaline pumping activity every three weeks. This next week, I'll probably do some stand-up to get me that same "high."
Important question: do you find that dudes are more into you when you remove sex from the equation?
Totally. You always want what you can't have.
Indeed.
Katie Jean Arnold is a musician, comedian and Access Consciousness Bars Facilitator in New York.












Comments:
Add a comment
Wednesday 12 May
By emmy
No big deal... Sex is overrated and is for men... Women get no advantage from sex. the less, the better. I never have sex...ever. I'm waiting on love...much better, much more worthy of my time and energy.
Men are drones...why waste my time with them? I'm busy...got no time for foolish games...who cares, anyway...? Don't need it, don't want it, can go solo for as long as I need to while I wait on love which is far more worthy of my time. And if love never shows up, no problem...I've had my family, had my marriage, been widowed at a young age and see no point in being a sex toy...
Don't women who do that sht know how stupid they look? Men are laughing AT you, Darlings...not WITH you...I laugh at you, too...then I feel sorry for you because you are an idiot for doing stupid things that make you look like an idiot....
But, at the end of the day, I don't really care how you ruin your life...I'm busy with my own things...which are numerous...
Reply
Friday 14 May
By JEREMY
It's because of women like you that I choose to remain single FOREVER.As far as I'm concerned,the majority of women have too much drama in their lives for me to want to get involved. I work with women on the job as the job requires ,BUT FORGET ANTHING ELSE. Most women today aren't even worth a Crave Pack from White Castle,never mind any thing like a serious commitment. This is the kind of woman you sound like to me,emmy.
Saturday 15 May
By JD
Emmy is a closet dike. You just need a stiff one.
Wednesday 12 May
By Lia
...that above comment is sarcastic, right? I mean, anybody should have all the sex they want. Or not have all the sex they want. Who are you, or anybody for that matter, to call girls who like sex stupid? Sex is NOT just for men, and liking and enjoying sex with a partner does NOT make you a sex toy. It's women like you that bring other women down. It's not 1950 anymore... we're allowed to enjoy sex too ya know.
Reply
Wednesday 12 May
By Erica
I have to say I agree with Canden's stance in The Post article! I am 25 years old and still a virgin. I'm waiting for the right guy, a guy who is willing to marry me first! I think it is so silly that people (aka the writer) read an article like the one that ran in The Post and get offended because someone chooses to makes a different lifestyle choice than you. No one is pointing a finger and saying "You are a slut for having sex"; some people just have a different prerogative than you. For me, it's my Christian faith, God tells me to wait until marriage and that is what I'm doing! By the way, I work with middle and high school girls, and I've witnessed the destruction that can occur when women have sex too soon, for the wrong reason, etc. Our society would have us believe that sex is just some fun game, another way to "de-stress" or "let loose" but it's much, much more than that, especially for women. It ties us emotionally to the guy and I've heard more horror stories than anything else from women who have had sex outside of marriage. You can say it's just a casual thing, but deep down, you know better....You form a connection with each partner. Sex was originally designed to bring two (married) people closer together and no it's seen as nothing more than a way to pass the time...It's sad, really.
Reply
Wednesday 12 May
By Brian
Great reply and you are right on. I pray God brings you a man that rocks your world after you are married.
Friday 14 May
By heymssdj
Ahhh I love your comment Erica! I am doing the same thing. I am 22 years old, still a virgin and have been in a relationship with my bf for 3 years and we have never had sex. We are both waiting on marriage because we believe it is something sacred and special. We don't have anything against other people having sex before marriage it is just personal preference for us.
Wednesday 12 May
By katie
These women come across to me as conceited, insecure little princesses. As the interviewer her self said, many women go for long periods of time without having sex, for any number of reasons. The fact that the women participating in these "sex fasts" feel the need to broadcast their self-imposed celibacy in order to present an air of worthiness/superiority is frankly just sad. To me, it just seems like another way of saying they know they could have sex any time they wanted, but they're just such special little snowflakes that they're going to CHOOSE not to.
These women are arrogant in their perception of their own sex appeal, but their true insecurity shows through by their harping on this one issue. Once again, a huge number of women go for long periods of time without having sex for a wide variety of reasons: focusing on career/school, religious/moral reasons, not having found the right person, or *gasp* just not caring all that much. But the women who make such a big deal over so-called "sex fasts" just seem to place all their eggs in that one basket (no pun intended) and can't just accept not having sex for what it is - a choice. By turning their abstinence into a giant proclamation, they're just obscuring their own insecurities that they DO have the choice to be more than sex objects.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By Kate
I completely agree!
I've been celibate for six years - so what? I don't run around telling everyone, and I don't see what is impressive about two weeks. I feel that the "trend" of not having sex is really irrelevant. I have dated in the last six years, but I just haven't been interested enough to have sex, and I'm not interested in "random" hook ups or one night (or few night) stands. I feel that a lot of women do the same and I don't see why now, all of a sudden, because some trendy women in New York are talking about it that it becomes a big deal.
Instead of seriously dating (or screwing around) I have been focusing on my career and school. I know a lot of other women my age that are on the same path: some of them are having sex, others aren't. I just don't see why this is news worthy.
Sunday 16 May
By Kare
Katie, you have a point.But the person being interviewed is a performance aritst.So, se's making a big point about what she is doing, as any singer,actress etc would if interviewed..and btw she *young* too.When I ws young I broadcasted what I did as if it was speacial, LOL.But the truth is, maybe she can have sex whenever she wants--I could.You can too.Now, maybe other things ae more mportant to you--that's great.
But it is not arrogance to say I *could* have sex , I am just not doing it.
though my opinion, and I wanted to write to the writer about this, is, it is not the sex itself but the romantic and relationship stuff that Katy jean Arnold is really talking about!
Think about it. It's not sex--because masturbation is OK for her.
So, it's the interaction with men and as she says--feeling/thinking like every man is a potential relationship partner.
That is not about sex.
Don't you agree?:-)
Wednesday 12 May
By JV
I fail to see how some girls 2 week stint without sex is newsworthy, or why it is being called a "trend" to be celibate. As a 23 year old virgin, I don't find it particularly hard to refuse, or for that matter, get sex. Its not a huge deal, focus is something that has nothing to do with your sex drive, so their arguments for their "sex fasts" are moot.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By LakeErie1
Heymssdj everyone has their choice. But strange your 22 been with this guy 3 years and no mention of marriage yet. Your wasteing your live waiting for him to propose. And I am no way promoting casual sex. But sex is special and an art. Without experience how can you please one another. That is why one person partner forever won't hold. You both will be wondering what you missed or what you missed from or what another person is like. Your kind of thinking makes for marriage failure cause they find out after marriage the guy or women is a dud in bed.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By Morgan
Oh brother. I'm happy for her if she's happy, but it's not news. There are plenty of girls that both actually enjoy guys and actually enjoy sex, so aside from women interviewing her or her being in the paper, no one even notices her or her plan.
You can tell by the interview she's just a barrel of laughs anyway. Good Lord.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By Kate
And?
I've been celibate for six years - so what? I don't run around telling everyone, and I don't see what is impressive about two weeks. I feel that the "trend" of not having sex is really irrelevant. I have dated in the last six years, but I just haven't been interested enough to have sex, and I'm not interested in "random" hook ups or one night (or few night) stands. I feel that a lot of women do the same and I don't see why now, all of a sudden, because some trendy women in New York are talking about it that it becomes a big deal.
Instead of seriously dating (or screwing around) I have been focusing on my career and school. I know a lot of other women my age that are on the same path: some of them are having sex, others aren't. I just don't see why this is news worthy.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By lora
Sex isn't so sacred you should wait for it until after marriage. Both people going into something blind is exactly what leads to irreconcilable differences later on. You have to have both had enough life experience to know that what you're choosing is the best choice, the greatest possible outcome after experiencing a variety of what life has to offer.
Being naive going into a relationship will never bring happiness.
The bible's literal interpretation is a sure way to pain and suffering, both for yourself and especially for those that you condemn around you. Taking the caring and most universal of its truths and living your life on your own terms is a much more tolerant and loving way to live.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By Iora
PS Sex wasn't originally designed for married couples. It was "designed" for procreation. Animals were doing it long before we were. Marriage wasn't invented, let alone instituted between only a single man and woman, until many millions of years later. And if you aren't one for Darwin, even the Bible has polygamy rampant in it.
I think I hear our ancestors laughing at us now.
Reply
Saturday 15 May
By Nancy
I was shocked by the casual attitude about sex by the interviewer and the interviewee. I am into Pope John Paul II's "Theology of the Body" and the Christian view of sex being holy. It seems to me that sex any other way -like sex with someone you do not really love a lot- is like going to use a public bathroom. There is no soul in that, just flesh, how boring.
Reply
Sunday 16 May
By erin
I have to totally disagree with the comment on going into a relationship blind leading to irreconcilable differences later the reality of so many situations is that lots of people have so many negative ideas about marriage they want to "test" things out before getting married ie living together, having sex etc but the thing is divorce is higher now then it was 20 and 30 years ago so clearly that line of thinking isn't working. I am a 26 year old virgin and I have to tell you I have never been happier. I have several female friends who are voluntarily or involuntarily celibate and they too are content and fulfilled. I agree with several of the posts SEX was and IS intended to be a sacred, spiritual act. Not only is it held in the highest regard in the Christian faith, of which I am part, but in many others as well. I have yet to see the concrete benefit of casual sex I want nothing to do with it. If a woman chooses to have sex that's her prerogative but choosing NOT to is also her prerogative. Honestly, I would rather wait for the right man and a build a lifetime of love, compassion, trust, honesty and mind blowing sex with him knowing he can trust me with the imperfect and majestic sides of him then have countless one night stands with men who don't value me or the gifts I have to offer. My body is not a trash receptical for your (a man) ego, arrogance, low self esteem, fears, urges, boredom or anger. If these women have the balls to come out loud and proud proclaiming their celibacy I say let them whatever their reasons may be because its about time more people announced SEX ISN'T ALL ITS CRACKED UP TO BE, ITS A WONDERFUL THING BUT EVERYONE ISN'T DOING IT.
Reply
Sunday 16 May
By Just Wondering
With no experience and no comparison, just how are you going to recognize "mind blowing sex"?
Saturday 15 May
By Kathy
The woman in the interview has presented herself in a very unintelligent , shallow and self-deprecating way. Her references to F**ng sound more vulgar than anything else and take us away from the real point here --and that is that if you do not have someone special to be intmate with --someone who you are having a relationship with , then casual sex no matter how you slice feels demeaning --especially if it becomes a regularly accepted part of your life as it seems to have been before with this woman.
Are we so hung up as a society that if someone doesn't have a sexual partner , they are made to feel that there is either something wrong with them if they don't have gratuitous sex, or so noble if they don't have gratuitous sex? That's pathetic.
I hope women and men both don't equate sex with some kind of contest. It is ridiculous and just makes women and men alike seem shallow and loses the real meaning of intimacy.
Reply