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Last week, Virginia Sole-Smith wrote about walking down the aisle hand in hand with her fiance instead of on her father's arm. It sparked an interesting conversation over on our Facebook page about whether being "given away" is an antiquated tradition. Leanne suggested that even if the tradition originally carried a different meaning, it's become a gesture that simply symbolizes the father-daughter relationship. Others loved Virginia's modern take on the wedding march -- some, like Nikki, walked alone, while others had their moms and sisters escort them down the aisle.
We want to know: How do you feel about being "given away" at your wedding? Is it an outdated and sexist ritual -- or a classic tradition you can honor?
"[Walking with your fiance] is a great way to announce that you're in it together. The whole 'giving the bride away' -- well, think about it. Even the term makes the bride sound like a piece of property. Besides, I love anything that makes it stand out in my memory -- a dress that isn't white, a cool venue, fun music, self-written vows, women standing up on the groom's side, whatever."-- RedLin, 32 (Minneapolis)
"I would call myself a 'pseudofeminist.' I'm all about empowerment, but I'll admit I'm a sucker for antiquated wedding traditions. But the empowerment is in making the choice for myself and not feeling socially pressured to partake of these traditions." -- Bryanna, 21 (Saint Marys, Ga.)
Comments:
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Thursday 06 May
By K
Um...hello 1970s? Next will we all be burning our bras?
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Thursday 06 May
By Danielle
I agree with "K"...its a little too much...i consider "given away" as a girl becoming a woman by getting married...and its like the father is acknowleding this..that she is becoming one with her husband and she's no longer daddy's little girl in the same way she was before.
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Thursday 06 May
By wendy
My husband and I got married in September and we each walked down the aisle. Both my parents (together) escorted me and both his parents (together) escorted him. We felt like this was the perfect way to involve our families.
In a side note, I did not take his last name, either.
For the record - I do not consider myself a "hardcore" feminist (though I do support gender equality, womens' rights, etc.).
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Friday 07 May
By Kara
I decided a long time ago I'm walking myself down the aisle. I think the idea of having my father do it just makes me feel like an object. I am a very independent person and I feel like my life is my own to do what I want with it.
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Friday 07 May
By Alison
I love what my best friend is doing for her wedding. Her parents got a divorce when she was 3 and she and her dad had a HUGE falling out when she was 12 because of problems with her step-mom (he basically chose the new wife over her). They reunited around high school graduation when her grandfather died. They now have a loving relationship but that still doesn't change the fact that he wasn't there to see her grow up and she was raised by her mom and grandmother. At her wedding, her dad is walking her daughter down the aisle but then handing her over to her mom and grandma to be given away. I loved her idea because it is paying homage to the hard work her mom and grandma put into raising her.
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Friday 07 May
By Allie
My father has very recently passed away and I am 19 years old. I would die for the opportunity to be able to have my father give me away.
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Saturday 08 May
By Pinky
My father passed away before I was married unfortunately, but many people assumed I would have my oldest brother walk me down the isle. As he and I are very close, and he is nearly old enough to be my father, it seemed like a logical choice. However, the more I thought about it the more I wanted to walk down by myself. I was in my mid-twenties, and had been responsible for myself for many years. I felt that no one, other than myself, was accountable for my actions. Since I had chosen to spend my life with my husband, I wanted to walk to him alone. A gesture that I was freely putting myself in his care.
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Saturday 08 May
By carly_smith
My dad is completely against the concept of "giving me away" at my wedding. He hates the idea that I am his property in any way. He never wants any boyfriend to ask for his permission to date me or to propose and would probably dislike the guy more if he asked because then he would be implicitly thinking that I was the property of my dad (and I guess would then be his property after marriage). I had to tell my dad that he would merely be walking me down the aisle and that it would be symbolic of me passing from his family into my new one with my husband, but nothing to do with ownership.
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Monday 10 May
By taral
I got married last year, my father was there as a guest. I am older and had not lived under my fathers roof for over 20 years. The thought of being given away just did not work. In addition, my brother was my "man of honor" and his brother was our best man, and that was the whole bridal party. I also choose not to wear a veil, due to the symbolism that came with it. Finally I did take my husband's last name because I want to be a family with him, indicated by taking his last name (he did not ask I volunteered). The key is understanding the symbolism behind every tradition and using the ones that mean something to you and your groom.
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Sunday 04 December
By K2
I'm getting married in March 2012 and I don't want my dad to give me away. I've never been particularly close to my parents and wouldn't feel comfortable on the day if they did. I also don't believe in the traditions of it as the idea of giving the bride away came about when girls lived at home and they were put through arranged marriages. A way of making family ties on behalf of the family and the girl was part of the deal. I chose to marry my partner not my parents therefore I think it wouldn't be right for me. I havent lived at home for years.
I totally respect people who chose to follow this tradition but it isn't for me :)
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