Why aren't women under 30 having sex? Last week, we talked to Dr. Debby Herbenick, a sexual health educator and researcher at The Kinsey Institute
and author of "Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction
" about the real reasons behind the low sex drive of 20-something females
Then we asked you: What's going on in your sex life? Are these stats real? From body-image issues to birth control, women weighed in with their own stories of plummeting libidos -- and what they did to pull them back up.
One reason that was cited frequently was the higher stress levels that women experience today. Says Patricia
, "My partner of six years and I are still in our twenties, both with super busy careers. To add to the lack of sex drive, we have an almost four-year-old who we take very good care of after a hard day's work. Oh, and after she goes to bed, it's back to work for the both of us. We are sleep deprived and stressed, and those two certainly explain the lack of SEX in my life!"
says, "I think the REAL reason young women are not having sex is the change in male/female relationships while they are in their teens. There is no love, no romance. Kids go out in groups and have sex with whomever they happen to hook up with in that group at that time and there is pressure to have casual sex or risk being alone and on the outside."
, "Children are having intimate relations long before they are emotionally ready, much less even interested in the people they're hooking up with, just because their friends are. How meaningful can it be to be used just to be popular? By the time these kids are adults they've already 'been there, done that' and haven't matured beyond their adolescent hormonal surges."
Could overexposure to sex be the case? Chris
says, "[There's] unlimited porn if you want it, and it's just sex, sex, sex. There is no mystery, no longing, and the female role models in Hollywood are mostly a bunch of bony skanks who look as if they get off on snorting white powder more than anything else."
points to a change in the way women think of their bodies: "I think the problem with women could be that they are distressed about their bodies. We are no longer told to investigate or grab a mirror and really look at ourselves
. We have plastic surgeons who tell us they can fix those ugly labis minoras
. We have porn stars with perfect vaginas because of surgery and photoshop. I remember the best part of having a high sex drive was being able to think of myself as this beautiful vixen, the girl who everyone in the room wanted (even if it wasn't the case). Now I have such body images that I don't find myself sexy and desirable."
So for those whose sex lives have dried up in recent years, what's the solution to bringing regular bedroom activity back?
For one, "Stop taking the anti-depressants," says J
. "Once you get them completely out of your system ... in about 3-4 months you'll be able to have great orgasms again." Plenty of women also noticed a dramatic increase in sex drive after they quit the Pill.
argues that women who aren't interested in sex just haven't had good sex -- and that it's up to the guys to remedy that: "Guys, learn how to do your job, and get it done right. If you don't know how, or think you need some tips, pick up a book for crying out loud. If you get the opportunity to make love to a beautiful woman, get the job done right so she knows what living and loving is all about, and send her off the next morning with a smile on her face. Do yourself a favor, stop getting obliterated at the bar and figure out what makes her motor run."
, "When I was going through a divorce, and complaining to my neighbor while watering the lawn, about lack of sex, she told me to get a vibrator. I finally got on of those little pocket rockets and it was great. My sex drive went through the roof."
Another recommendation comes from Marilyn
, who says, "Buy the Hitachi massager ... it will change your life! Google it."
For the ladies having trouble orgasming, Finally
suggests the Eroscillator: "Endorsed by Dr. Ruth and includes instructions from her. Best $100 I ever spent. Changed my life."
Don't forget that there are Viagra-type options for women, too. Lisa
says, "If you're concerned about it, there are safe nonprescription ways to increase female libido. One example that comes to mind is the topical oil Zestra. Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. It also worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medicines. Of course, you should always see your doctor first before trying anything, prescription or nonprescription."
vouches for its effectiveness: "Lisa, you're totally right. Zestra is the bomb. it's totally natural, and whenever I use a packet of the stuff, I'd be willing to do an entire football team. I highly recommend. Doesn't small bad either."
Tell us! Are you a 20-something woman who experienced a drop in libido? What can women do to bring their sex drives back up?