I'm not a hippie. I don't wear hemp, live in a yurt, or demand that all of my food be pesticide- and cage-free. But I have decided to attempt natural childbirth. I saw "The Business of Being Born" (a documentary about natural vs. drug-intervention childbirth), and the natural childbirth experience seemed for the most part, very peaceful and loving. Not to mention, I hate needles. And the thought of a needle the length of a banana being drilled into my spine ... well, no thank you. My chosen method of drug-free labor is hypnobirthing. I know this sounds like a freaky, voodoo-like process reserved for women who own tarot cards and can't function until they read their horoscopes every day, but it's really just a five-week class that teaches women how to find a deep state of relaxation in order to allow their bodies to do what they do naturally in the birth process -- without fear or anxiety getting in the way. So what's my problem? Nearly every time a woman has asked me if I've thought about how I'd like to give birth and I tell them, I get one of three responses: an eye roll, a snicker or a condescending "Yeah, right. Just wait until that first contraction."
I understand that childbirth is painful. And please believe that if, after 15 hours of intense contractions, my doctor comes in and tells me I'm only dilated two measly centimeters, I will most likely be screaming for drugs. Loudly. But where is the support from fellow women?

I'm a feminist, which means I love that we as women have choices: Some of us can choose to work outside the home or stay home with our kids; we can choose who we want to vote for; we can choose if we want to wear pants or skirts (or hemp jumpsuits). And we can choose (thanks to advancements in medical technology) what kind of birth experience we want to have.
If a woman has done her research, is knowledgeable about all the birthing options that she has, and chooses to have an epidural and a scheduled C-section -- or wants to give birth at home in her yurt -- who am I to judge?
Colleen Oakley is a freelance writer who cries when she stubs her toe, and used to be terrified of childbirth. If you hear a loud, intense wailing for hours around the middle of July, it's because hypnobirthing isn't working for her the way she hopes it will.












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Monday 19 April
By april
i had a drug free birth with both of my children. what i found was that more that i relaxed, the less the contractions hurt. when i got tense or upset, they hurt more. so i just focused on being calm and letting my body do the work is knew how to do. good luck and may you make it through your delivery trouble-free.
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Monday 19 April
By DreamyVelvet
I am confused. Are you going to actually do it naturally or merely "attempt" it as stated in your article? If you are just going to "attempt" it, why so defensive? I have given birth both ways, natural and an epidural. After 12 hrs of natural labor I did receive demerol, which was a huge mistake. It left me feeling doped up, out of control and still in pain. The end result was a healthy baby. The second labor I opted for an epidural. I don't know who you talked to about the Big Scary Needle, but I have to tell you, if you actually researched epidurals, you would know that the pain of labor will mask any uncomfortableness you feel an epidural would cause. I personally did not feel a thing, couldn't see the needle and received immediate positive results. My labor lasted 5 hrs, no pain. The end result was a healthy baby. Yes, it's your choice but I why all the angst? You will be most surprised at the level of pain involved in bringing forth a child. I suggest you put your effort into the end result and not the method it is achieved by.
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Monday 19 April
By kinohi
Amen! I feel exactly the same way. I am supportive of my C-Section friends, I am supportive of everyone who wants to get an epidural, so why can't everyone else be supportive of me? I'm not a crazy, hippie, tree-hugger, but I'm certainly beginning to feel like everyone thinks I am. It is my body and my birth; please let me try it my way before you try and tell me I will fail.
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Monday 19 April
By Kimy
This happened when my sister was pregnant. No matter which method you choose, it seems that you're going to get unsolicited advice and judgement from other people, especially women. I've never understood why pregnant women immediately become "wards of the community." I get the whole, It takes a village mentality but come on. It's so strange that this is one area where women are meanest to each other. Women seem to be the harshest judges of "womanhood" and it's sad.
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Monday 19 April
By jerseygrrrl77
Why won't they leave you alone? Oh, your birth choice is only the beginning! Because as with everything in motherhood, you're always going to hear a chorus of voices telling you you're doing it ALL WRONG. How you choose to give birth, how you feed your baby, whether you co-sleep or crib sleep, cloth or disposable diaper, babywear or not, cry it out or not, even how you dress your baby (he's too warm! he's too cold!)... All of these are topics that are, apparently, up for discussion from our families, our friends, and strangers on the street. Yeah, it's awesome.
Be confident in your choices and don't allow anyone to question your own judgment as a parent. You know your baby best and you know what's best for him or her! Practice the "nod and smile" now so that the annoying "advice-givers" don't get under your skin too much.
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Monday 19 April
By MissZ
I wouldn't take it personal. Jerseygrrrl has a point: No matter what you are doing, it's going to be wrong to someone. Whether it's natural, underwater, epidural, c-section, VBAC, baby names, color of nursery, plastic bottles, glass bottles, breastfed, bottle fed, pacifier, no pacifier, diapers, cloth diapers, etc etc.....you're just never gonna be right. Yes, be confident in the choices you make and try to shrug off comments with a laugh. If you can't get past people's negativity and remain calm, then you'll never make it past the labor with no pain. Congrats!
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Monday 19 April
By Nurseforlife
I am a nurse in the labor and delivery ward at a fairly large hospital and I see this situation nearly everyday I work. I am more than supportive of natural, pain medication free, childbirth. If I have a woman come in that says she wants to go medication free I will do everything I can to help the soon to be mother attain her goal, but even amoung my coworkers I see very little support for natural childbirth. I will admit it is alot easier to care for a patient that has her epidural and her pitocin etc... but it is not always what the patient wants. The other thing that I have witnessed multiple times is that the women who are the most successful at having a natural birth are the ones who not only want it but have also researched and learned what to expect and how to handle the labor and delivery process. The women that come in saying they want to "go natural" but have no preparation and no idea what to expect are the ones that inevitably end up needing pain medication. I try to do as much education as I can for those who are unprepared for the process, but I cannot in a few hours explain and educate a woman and/or her partner what in reality takes weeks or even months to fully absorb and understand. My advice if you want to go natural is to make sure you decide what method you want to use and make sure you are prepared and know what to expect and how to react to what is happening. Also try to choose a facility that is not a "hospital" setting because you will more likely be offered pain medication at a hospital than at a birthing center or alternative birthing center, and when you are in pain it is alot harder to refuse pain relief if it is offered. But above all make sure that you are prepared!
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Monday 19 April
By Beth
I haven't had any children yet, but I know about hypnobirthing and that would be my choice, also when the time comes. It is a perfectly viable option and it works. I saw a documentary about three women who took the classes and everything worked out as planned. One of the women had a family emergency during the weeks she was taking the classes and she worried that she'd fall behind after returning, but that was not the case. All three women went through with hypnobirthing without any trouble. I say good for you if this is how you want to give birth!
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Tuesday 20 April
By Maternitique
We support you! Believe in yourself and have confidence that you can handle birth. That's an important first step. Birth is different for every woman, and for every time. Trust the process and trust your body. You'll do great!
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Tuesday 20 April
By Brooke
Oh, and some commenters still don't get the moral of this story...
Love this piece! Thanks so much for sharing.
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Tuesday 20 April
By KWG
Somebody else on another blog just said it best: the snickering etc is probably because often in labor, you don't really get to control what happens. That's what I think is the super naive part of the commentators who haven't given birth.
It's just one of those times in life to give up control and let your body do it's thing. I had a natural childbirh---but I can' say it was by choice (had I had the opportunity, i might have "chosen" to do so), but my labor was so fast that I arrived at the hospital 10 cm dialted and gave birth 15 min. later. Not in a thousand years did I expect that...so i didn't "choose" natural...circumstances dictated it. My friend wanted a natural birth...but the baby was stuck....and 18 hours later, she got the epidural...it kinda wasn't her "choIce" either.....it was one of those really hard labors---and if it had resulted in c-section...well that certainly wouldn't have been her choice.
Labor is one of those times that the more in control you try to be, the harder it is going to be for you. So don't take offense to the eye rolling. Have an easy labor and most importantly a healthy baby!
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Tuesday 20 April
By Michelle
At 40 and a first time mom I was ready to go the "all-natural" approach. However, my 6'0" husband didn't think it would work as I'm only 5'2". That was less of the problem than my son's reluctance to leave the womb - he was a week late and showing NO signs of leaving. After weighing induction vs. C/S we went the C/S route. I was up and walking that night (had C/S at 10am and was walking well at 9pm). I will say that, at 40, I did better with my C/S that the 20 yo's on the floor who had vag deliveries. (All the floor staff commented on it.)
Good luck to you - I think you have exactly the right mindset: whatever happens, happens. As long as you and baby are healthy when all is said and done, that's what REALLY matters.
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Tuesday 20 April
By ColleenM
I join wholeheartedly with KWG in stressing that childbirth, as it actually occurs in nature at least, is not a process that can be controlled. In fact, almost nothing about motherhood or raising children can really be controlled.
My first birth was highly planned, but the plan went all wrong and i ended up giving birth to a very tiny baby with very big problems in an embassy chancery building in a very foreign country. The entire experience was so traumatizing that I later helped form a support group for women with traumatic birth experiences, which was probably the best and deepest piece of healing work I've done in my life.
With my second child, I didn't plan a home birth, but that's what I ended up having. This is not because labour went too fast to get to the hospital -- I was in labour for nearly 30 hours with quite a good-sized baby.
The reason I didn't follow through with my planned hospital delivery is that when it came down to it, labour was such hard work, requiring so much determination and discipline, that it just didn't seem...well, feasible to accomplish it on anyone else's terms. So in the event, I just had to roll with it -- it's what felt safest and best to me at the time.
I honestly think of unmedicated labour as work rather than pain. When it threatened to overwhelm me, other women from my healing group took turns supporting me by holding their own bodies full against my back. I swear an oath that this method of full-body hugging cut the work/pain of labour in half.
I don't say drugs in childbirth are wrong; I'm just saying there's no substitute for the enveloping love and support of the other women of your tribe to see you safely through the most intense physical experience you will ever have. Colleen Oakley, you go girl!
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Tuesday 20 April
By ninja koala
Hey, do whatever you want. I think the reason you get so much unsolicited advice from other mothers is simply because you're not alone in having a kid. I'm due in August with my 2nd. Yeah it hurts no matter what you do IMO but I personally don't care if you choose to give birth in the middle of yellowstone and let deer lick your baby clean, it's all up to you. Good luck!
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Wednesday 21 April
By Elle
Ok, I'll tell you your mistake: talking to other women in the first place. Sorry, but it's the truth. Everyone has an opinion and is willing to share it with you whether you want it or not. Before I got pregnant for the first time I had no idea that nearly every woman I'd meet would tell me something stupid, ignorant, judgmental, or dismissive.
Sorry to indict my own gender, but it's just the truth. And it never quits: breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, solids, diapers, you name it -- they all chime in. I can count on one hand the number of women who were actually helpful. The more details you give out, the more comments you'll get. Frankly, I think women would do themselves a world of good by just refusing to discuss their pregnancies at all, but no one ever listens to me. (I know it's a time of excitement, but it's quickly ruined by all the unsolicited advice and criticism).
I have had two childbirths without drugs. Fortunately I never told anyone what I was hoping to do, thus at least escaping all the naysayers. By the way, I also warned my own daughter about the nonsense she could expect when she got pregnant: "Call me if anyone ever says something kind or sensible." She hasn't called on this topic, but does have some funny/awful stories (and thank goodness has at least one really good friend).
All I can do for myself is to refrain from treating other women the way they have treated me. I don't care what your choices are, good luck. -- and don't talk!
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Wednesday 21 April
By lilcjoy
I had four boys all natural. Hmm not a problem.
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Wednesday 21 April
By penny
i appoted for the drugs from the very beginning. i was told i would mostly likely have to have a c-section. but pushed to try a normal birth first. i was lucky that my mid wife and family supported every choice i made in my birthing experience. i was lucky and i think my experience was very easy and rather painless.(shocking since i am very petite and had a 9lb baby) i was able to have a normal birth and ended with a very health calm natured boy. i say what makes you the most calm and gives you the best experience for you is what should be done. its your choice.
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Wednesday 21 April
By bademillie0601
i appoted for the drugs from the very beginning. i was told i would
mostly likely have to have a c-section. but pushed to try a normal
birth first. i was lucky that my mid wife and family supported every
choice i made in my birthing experience. i was lucky and i think my
experience was very easy and rather painless.(shocking since i am
very petite and had a 9lb baby) i was able to have a normal birth and
ended with a very health calm natured boy. i say what makes you the
most calm and gives you the best experience for you is what should be
done. its your choice.
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Thursday 22 April
By MB
Just have a plan and think through alternatives, and make sure your birth coach is very clear about how you feel. In the cattle industry, we know from research that cattle who have high levels of the hormone called relaxin have easier and quicker labors. Producing high levels is a genetic trait and not in your control. I had my first with no drugs at all. Transition was tough, but my labor was only a total of 4 1/2 hours start to finish. You can handle anything for that long. I did feel an incredible high afterward.
My second was overdue and big, so I gave in and got an induction. That labor took about 45 minutes and featured the world's biggest episiotomy to get that 14 inch head out. Theoretically, the cervix opens to 12 inches or so. She was all bruised up, poor thing. The pain was so intense, I think I blacked out a bit. The darling nurse ran out and grabbed the anesthesiologist, who gave me a quick epidural. Moral of story-induction is a lot more painful than natural. I still felt an incredible high-I had my baby.
Both labors were fabulous because I called the shots and made the choices in consultation with my doc. My choices were respected and I was completely supported by my coaches. I can't emphasize enough the importance of having loving, calm supportive coaches-a midwife or doula can be a fabulous choice as well. You need to be surrounded in love. It looks ridiculous when you see the videos because the coaches are saying over and over how great everything is, but when you are the laboring woman, those affirmations are incredibly important.
Besides, no matter what happens, you'll need the self-calming skills when the kid hits the terrible twos, or has colic, or..... keep practicing.
OK, it's going to be a long time before I stop chuckling over the image of a deer licking the baby clean.
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Saturday 24 April
By psychdoc
I am the proud and grateful mother of two sons, both in their 20's. I had hoped for no-drug births ( I think the act of birthing is natural) but because of concerns for their safety, I had 2 C-sections. I was lucky to have intelligent, caring doctors who honored my wishes until circumstances changed and so did my preferences. Our goal is heathy babies and healthy moms. I wish we would stop being our own worst enemies.
I got one great piece of advice from one of my experienced friends, the mother of 3. She told hme that all sorts of women would be giving me advice from pregnncy through child-rearing. She gave me the greatest bit of wisdom. She said to look them in the eye, smile sweetly, and ignore everything they had to say. I pass that on with fond and grateful memories of Ruth.
God bless all my sisters having babies and God bless their babies!
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