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Lately, the only consistent thing about "Project Runway" -- aside from Tim Gunn's inexhaustible supply of dapper charm, of course -- is how underwhelming it is. We miss our good times with the stitch-and-bitch fest the way you miss an ex-boyfriend whose charms you didn't appreciate while you still had him.

So, in the hopes of reigniting our passion, we decided to investigate the show's own Wii game, which came out in March. Unfortunately, the game fails to capture what once made "Runway" great and -- adding insult to injury -- feels hastily thrown together. That said, all is not lost: There are ways to play it that make the game a great companion for an evening with your girlfriends and several bottles of wine. Here are our tips for making the best of it:

DON'T bother with anything but the "new season" game. Sure, they give you an option to noodle around in the workroom, and there's a really lame game where can you take five photos of a model in a random backdrop (we chose windmills, because that's just funny), but those are downright tedious compared to being given a series of actual assignments and a time limit. We don't watch "Project Runway" for its leisurely pace, and we get our fix of cracked-out photo shoots from "America's Next Top Model."

DO proceed to totally ignore the rules. With each of the very small handful of challenges, you're given a direct formula for how to pass muster and "win." BORING. If we wanted a recipe, we'd be in the kitchen pretending we're on "Top Chef." Plus, most of the challenges are totally costume-y to begin with. If you can't figure out how to make a cheerleading outfit without help, then it's possible you are in a coma, and thus have worse problems than being scolded by a fake Michael Kors.

DON'T waste time picking a model. The game offers what feels like an interminable number of girls from different countries, with different specialties. And no matter which ones we picked, they all looked exactly the same. They don't even have different degrees of skill on the catwalk, and age is never a handicap -- despite the fact that several of them are markedly old for runway models -- giving you absolutely no obstacles to overcome. They're just mannequins, and not even in a fun way, like "Mannequin." So just pick the first one they give you and move on.

DON'T expect to showcase any actual design skills. The game gives you very few base patterns for dresses, tops, and bottoms; although you can shorten or tweak color and patterns (with a limited selection), that's about it. It's more like the Wii version of Fashion Plates than "Project Runway." This means your dreams of making an outfit out of bell peppers, a shirt from pleated envelopes, or even just your own original design, are never going to come true unless you REALLY commit to the wine-drinking and turn your living room into a workstation.

DO make your models look as awful as possible. Eventually, we stopped even LOOKING at the challenges and just used the options available to make the most wretched outfits in recorded history. The most fun: a private-school uniform that was both extremely trashy and a total eyesore, with decals in places that would make the principal blush -- think Jenny Humphrey meets Ke$ha with a dash of Original Britney. We also made something allegedly "Harajuku" that might better befit the hostess at a Scottish-German sausage restaurant, beer house and off-hours brothel. Basically, it becomes a Choose Your Own Adventure game, but with hookers. This was by far the most amusing way to play the game, especially because ...

DO expect the judges to totally ignore whatever you actually created. The dumbest part of the game is that no matter how badly we tanked the initial design, everything we did thereafter -- overdone accessories, childlike watercolor makeup -- was rated as awesome. Michael Kors called our crop-top, strapless, slutty school uniform "high-quality" and then "fashion-forward and stylish," even though you know in real life he'd have suggested she was selling both math homework and her body under the bleachers. This is likely because, instead of adorable Wii replicas of Michael, Nina, Heidi and even Tim, what you get instead are still photos of them paired with a small, repetitive assortment of audio snippets from actual episodes played seemingly at random over semi-relevant written comments. This basically makes the game one of chance rather than skill -- obviously Kors would sooner eat Austin Scarlett's famous corn-husk dress than be featured giving praise to our art-deco "couture" dress that turned out looking like one of Santa's elves hit the absinthe a bit too hard, as his alter-ego did. If Real Kors ever gets wind of what Game Kors is up to, he might consider suing.

DON'T expect to play it more than once. The belly laughs elicited by the sight of Nina Garcia calling a model made up like a streetwalker "chic and glamorous" are many, but the wild inconsistencies and costume-y challenges get old fast: Cheerleaders? Schoolgirls? Harajuku? Is this "Project Runway," or Halloween in a sorority house? So if you're missing the "Project Runway" of yore, you'd be better off setting your DVR for one of Bravo's re-airings of the original years. However, if you're looking to get in the business of styling prostitutes, have we got a game for you.





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