Lemondrop

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger ... You cheated, and cheated, and cheated, and now you're talking, and talking, and talking about it. We get it -- for anyone who believed in the sanctity of sports-star marriages, this could be a pretty big deal, but to be totally honest, we're a little over your press conferences and your general non–Phil Mickelson–ness.

So what could possibly revive this story? Tiger's people have already covered their apology and sympathy bases, but distraction by singing has been conspicuously absent in Woods' multi-step PR recovery plan. This is where the trololo comes in. Remember all those porn stars Woods was having anal sex with? Trololo. Remember the filthy texts? Trololo. If every news story was reported like this, we'd be hooked. Enjoy!