We all know finding a good guy is tough enough. Good dating advice may even be harder to come by. Which is why we turned to Steven Ward, host of VH1's "Tough Love" and now "Tough Love Couples."After a few seasons of going to the mat with Americans in bad relationships, we figured he might know a thing of two about love. This time around, Ward and his mom, Joann, will counsel six couples on the verge of getting engaged on whether their relationships will really last. Last night, they put the first twosome to the test.
We decided to do the same with Ward. During a quiet moment, Lemondrop sat the professional matchmaker down to ask him this: What makes a girl datable? How do you keep a relationship exciting? And it's 2010: Should a girl ask a guy out?
Read on to hear his tips on how you can be luckier in love. Although we should say up front, we definitely didn't agree with everything he had to say. In fact, some of it made us feel like we were dating in "Pleasantville," circa 1952. But see what you think.
How can you tell if a man just isn't interested in you?
He's distracted. He's on his cell phone. He's looking at other people. Or if he's only talking about himself. On the other hand, if a guy asks you questions, and he focuses on you, and he makes a point of ignoring any other distractions, he's probably interested.
What are some surprising turn-ons for a guy?
If you're out and just trying to attract someone's attention, body language. Good posture -- holding your chin up, your shoulders back, your chest out. A good smile is very important because men want to believe you have a healthy energy level, and you have a positive attitude. And you can tell that about a person just by observing them from across the room.
Personal style is really important: It's OK to look sexy, but also dress classy. By which I mean, looking confident, fun and approachable as opposed to baring cleavage and skin. But that's just my definition of sexy.
What if your natural style is more low-maintenance?
Most men I know appreciate a beautiful woman with her hair pulled back in a ponytail or a pair of sweatpants that hug her legs. Also tights with a camisole always looks good.
And what about the shy girls?
The double look -- you look once, you look away, you look back, and you look away. The double look goes really far -- we learn to do this when we're children. As adults, all a guy has to do is keep looking at you. And when he sees you looking away, he's going to keep watching.
It kind of sounds like you advocate men and women playing mind games with each other.
What a lot of women do -- and men do this, too -- is they set the other person up for failure. For example a guy says to you, "Hey, I'd like to take you out this weekend." And you say, "Great. Sounds good, just give me a call." And he asks what you want to do, and you tell him, "Whatever you want to do." You're setting him up for failure. If you told him that you haven't been out for dinner in a while [Editor's note: who does this?] or that you like sushi or Mexican, now he knows what your likes are. He knows what you want to do. He can take the ball and run with it.

And does that just work for men, or can women experience the same thing?
There are different gender roles, and I don't see anything wrong with that. I think men and women have different responsibilities when it comes to making a good impression on another person, especially in the very beginning. For women, I say be as amenable as possible, as accommodating, as amiable, as up for anything. If you're a vegetarian and he wants to take you to a steakhouse, don't complain about it -- eat a salad. Find something where you can make do with the situation, and don't put any negativity out there. For a man, his responsibility is to be as entertaining and as fun for you as possible.
So .... what do you think about a girl asking a guy out?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I admire that. I appreciate that more than anything. A lot of guys are used to being forced into the driver's seat. They have to be the decision makers, the authoritarian, the one to make the plan and put it into action. When you meet somebody who wants to take that responsibility and is willing to do the work instead of making you have to do it, it's very flattering and very reassuring.
So now you've got your boyfriend, how can you keep that alive?
You have to constantly reinvent your relationship and remind that person why you're with them in the first place. It's all about giving -- you've got to give to get. If you act that way in your love life, there's a good chance you'll be disappointed, but eventually somebody will really appreciate it.
More Dating & Love on Lemondrop
+ The Difference Between the Male and Female Brain
+ What I Learned From 20 Years of Dating
+ Study Says Guys Want You to Go for the Steak












Comments:
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Tuesday 13 April
By Lempo
--And it's 2010: Should a girl ask a guy out?--
It's 2010 and you're still asking that question? :D If she wants to date him, of course she should.
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Tuesday 13 April
By Scott
Dating is tough. Picking the wrong person to marry is even tougher...on your nerves and wallet. It is important to think unconventionally....thinkdivorceb4marriage
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Wednesday 14 April
By Smithers
I really like hearing what Steve Ward has to say.
I have always has sympathy for the fact that the guys were really putting their neck out there to make the first moves, be rejected, have to play guessing games, be in the "driver's seat" so to speak.
Any voices out there that are advocating taking a tough look at yourself and what you are projecting to the world, how to respect and nurture a relationship, and how to not be afraid to still make sure your emotional needs are met - this is all good.
Steve is doing good work, and watching the first two seasons have helped me see myself from an outside view. It is easy to get wrapped up in ego and emotional baggage and being trapped in scenarios that just aren't working.
You've got to give to get. And in some cases, that giving starts with giving yourself a reality check, so as to move forward towards your best self, and the people you want to spend your valuable time, energy and emotions on.
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Saturday 17 April
By RachelC
Hold the phone - if you're a vegetarian and he asks you to a steakhouse you shouldn't COMPLAIN about it and eat a salad?? Being a vegetarian, this would never fly - its a life decision that is very important. Ladies, you should never have to suffer or suck it up because some man wants to take you somewhere you can't even eat. How silly. This should be the first sign that HE IS NOT ACCOMODATING. Women should be amenable, accomodating, and amiable?? Yes, of course they should, but this isn't 1950. News flash, guys like confident girls that can make decisions. Tell him where you want to eat. Big deal. Oh, and you don't have to wear a skirt.
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Wednesday 17 November
By jen18612
Wow! What a stick in the mud. You do make some valid points. You shouldn't have to be in an intolerable environment, especially for something as important to most world cultures as food. However, I don't think Steve was suggesting 1950s style accomodation. Maybe it would have been better said to be a little flexible and get to know someone and vice-versa. If someone knows that you are a vegetarian and invites you to a steakhouse, it is disrespectful. I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with suggesting an alternative that meets both needs, that is a better form of accomodation.
Good points wrapped up in angry faux feminist rant. It's the big picture of how you deal with people you date! Clearly, Steve doesn't know everything, but I don't think he is an anachronistic neantherdal with dating advice from the 1950s. You don't have to wear a skirt, but there is nothing wrong with it either.
Sunday 18 April
By Cate
Tights with a camisole? Is that seriously what he said?? Who the fudge would wear that?
Reply
Saturday 17 April
By RachelC
@Cate ahhh hahahaha. NO, it does not always look good. Actually never.... Tights are not pants. Camisoles are underwear. Lazy girls wear that. Umm like 3 lines above that it says "Personal style is really important: It's OK to look sexy, but also dress classy." Am I the only one who isn't taking this guy seriously?
Monday 03 May
By rie
he clearly said SWEATPANTS.. tight on the leg.. learn to read b4 posting comments..
Sunday 18 April
By David S.
What does this guy know? Nothing....I am guessing he uses women left, right, and center, and then tosses them aside.....a real douche....
Reply
Tuesday 20 April
By Crazy B
I don't agree with half of what this guy says. Ladies - don't ask him ut. If he likes you he will ask you out! If he doesn't, than he doesn't like you.
www.dontbeacrazybitch.com
xoxo,
CB
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