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Oh sure, it's hilarious to watch a sleepwalking loved one wrestle an invisible dinosaur, until you try to wake them up and they FREAKING KILL YOU.ABC News recently warned of the potentially deadly consequences of messing with a sleepwalker, based on a recent case written up in the American Journal of Psychiatry that suggested sleepwalking was a viable defense for murder.
Here comes the science: Sleepwalkers lack the mechanism that paralyzes them in their sleep and keeps them from acting out their dreams. Because they're capable of walking around with their eyes wide open, it may seem like they're cognizant; however, they're often incapable of recognizing faces, which is why one night your husband might assume you're a gigantic anaconda in his bed and try to lop your head off. (Or, on a lighter note, based on many of the stories we'll share after the jump, he might just rummage in your closet or take a leak on your computer.)
"They are very good at navigating space," sleeping-disorder expert Rosalind Cartwright told ABC. "They can go up and down stairs and drive a car. They can navigate in the world, but the face recognition is off."
The important thing to remember is this: Don't try to wake a somnambulist, especially one who's been stressed out, since that's usually when things tend to get all homicidal.
Fortunately, violent sleepwalkers are very rare -- most are of the harmless, hilarious, "making weird stuff in the kitchen" variety, which is actually pretty common. Check out some of our wackiest encounters with sleepwalkers, then leave your own in the comments.
"I have woken up naked on the living room couch in two separate apartments, both times within a month of moving in with strangers." -- Tim
"My friend David Kent has peed on his computer in his sleep. Multiple times."
-- Thea
"One time my mom caught my stepdad eating raw rice straight from the bag in the kitchen when he was asleep. And another time he wouldn't stop screaming about 'space monkeys.' It's always fun to go home for the holidays." -- Em
"The last time my girlfriend caught me sleepwalking, she said I awoke her by grabbing at her breasts. She realized I was out of it and yelled, but I didn't answer. I just got up and began digging in my closet. I apparently didn't find what I was looking for, walked into the kitchen, turned on the water full blast, let it run for awhile, turned it off, and walked back in the room to sleep the wrong way in bed, with my feet by her head." -- Ryan
"My doofus ex-boyfriend once woke me up in the middle of the night for the kind of tender, slow sex rarely seen outside of Nicholas Sparks films. I was like, 'Wow, I never knew he had that in him.' Ha ha, turns out he was asleep the whole time." -- Julie
"My sister sleepwalks anytime she sleeps somewhere new. When she came to visit me for the first time, she woke up in the middle of the night and started slamming the doors around the apartment, then walked into my roommate's room -- still dead asleep, mind you -- and started talking nonsense and yelling at her. All you can do is guide her back to bed and hope it doesn't happen again." -- Eilene
"After my first night of college, a lovely girl named Ellen from down the hall (we had met the day before, in the fabulous community bathroom) knocked on my door asking if I was OK. I apparently had stormed into her room the night before and ripped open the empty closet as if I were searching for something. Whenever she would ask what I was doing, if I was all right, etc., I would shush her and tell her to go back to sleep. After not finding whatever the hell I was looking for in the closet, I started sizing up the empty bed. I'm not sure how long this went on, but definitely long enough to scare the hell out of Ellen." -- Andrea"Once on vacation in Mexico I had a dream that my boyfriend was cheating on me -- only, just like described above, my body isn't paralyzed when I sleep, so I actually act out my dreams. In this case, I woke him up, much to his surprise, with an amazingly well-placed punch in the face." -- Wendy
Have a crazy sleepwalking story? Tell us in the comments.
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Friday 09 April
By Molly
My cousin was found carefully unwinding rolls of TP around the house one night, completely asleep. The best part was than once his sister guided him back to bed (after he wound a few lengths around her bed), he woke up in the downstairs bathroom, having blown up several balloons, again, whilst sleepwalking.
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Friday 09 April
By Jamie Beach
When I was growing up my best friend lived in a very small apartment and her mom had an elliptical machine in the living room. One night I woke up and she wasn't in the room so i went looking for her, only to find her half ass excercising on the elliptical machine in her sleep. We talked about it until she moved away after graduation!
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Friday 09 April
By clif
me and my now fiance went out to the little cabin i own way out in the boonies one night. after we fell asleap she told me i woke up in the middle of the night saying "im going to go take a leak in the lake" (mind you there isnt a lake within 30 miles of the house.) and promplty got up without getting dressed and left. i came back 30 mins later and went back asleep. i awoke the next day to find my legs scratched up from something (probably bob wire or briars) with no cell phone and no memory of ever leaving the night before
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Saturday 10 April
By jerry
Funny you should mention it, the Anaconda bit HAS happened to me, Only I obviously wasn't beheaded...you see, as my husband describes it the sword he was carrying was stolen by hyenas so when he was climbing over a brick wall and a snake came at him, he SLAPPED IT IN THE FACE.
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Monday 12 April
By Marie
I dreamed I found out my daughter and her girlfriend were out doing drugs I got up went in my daughters room and gave her some kind of beating and told her she was on punishment for a month. When we got up the next day, I asked her where did she get all the bruising from she said me! I couldn't believe it or remember doing such thing, but I do remember the dream. She said she kept telling me she hadnt did any drugs and I told her I didnt believe her. She didnt realize I was sleep the whole time
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Monday 12 April
By Suz
When I was married and pregnant w/ my first child, my husband had a dream about fighting someone/thing and wound up punching me in the stomach! Needless to say, I woke him up (baby was fine, shes 30 now).
Later in life while staying at my parents house, I got up to pee in the middle of the night while still asleep and wound up walking into my parents room, where my Dad was in bed, but my Mom hadn't come up yet; and I crawled in my Mom's side of the bed and went back to sleep. The room was pitch black, and although asleep my Dad heard me but thought it was my Mom. When Mom came up to bed and saw me there you could have picked her jaw up off the floor (or so my Dad said).
I don't recall dreaming anything when I've slept walked. As far as getting around fine while sleepwalking, I broke my leg trying to go down stairs a week before Christmas one year, so clearly that wasn't the case for me. Although, it did strike a fear in me that I might wind up at fast food drive-thru one night in my car, naked.
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Tuesday 13 April
By Pat Slater
When I was in my 20's, I frequently woke up with dirt, sand and grass on my feet. I sure didn't go to bed that way.
One night I went to sleep with only a five dollar bill to my name and woke up with 67 cents. I still have no idea what I spent the money on or where.
That was 40 years ago and as far as I can tell, I've not gone wandering asleep since then.
Oh, and I slept bare ass naked in those days. I can't imagine why no one woke me up, apparently if I met anyone, they must have assumed that I was awake and aware. I'm really surprised that no one called the police. 2 AM and a naked woman in a bar? Never even heard a single word about it.
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